Hi all, I'm a newbie after some advice please. (Apologies for the long post)
4 weeks ago my Mam (68 yr old) was told she has a large pelvic mass (14cm) most likely oc after she presented in hospital with ascites. Histology of the ascites confirmed this.
Yesterday I took her to see the gynaeoncologist who will perform surgery on her. After almost 2 hours going through everything (my Mam is quite high risk for surgery as she has cirrhosis of liver from 10 year ago) it was decided they will go in laporascopically for a good look in case of any spread (luckily no spread whatsoever shows on CT scan) and if none found they will open her up for debulking there and then (12 October) with chemo to follow.
After a month of uncertainty I thought great we are finally getting somewhere even though I had hoped for the surgery to be sooner. However I spoke to my Mam today and she is now wondering whether to bother going through with the surgery and treatment thinking she would rather have a few months with a decent quality of life!
I have told her only she can decide what she wants to do but as there is no spread showing on scans that I think having the surgery etc would most likely put cancer into remission and she could have many years to live with a good quality of life. I am shocked by her response, from day 1 she has been so accepting of this awful disease saying she has had her life and she would rather it be her than someone much younger who still had a life to live.
What can I say to convince her to have this surgery? I know it is her decision but it's as if she thinks she will be going through a massive amount of trauma just to die at the end of it anyway, when my view is that this surgery could potentially rid her of this disease for many years or even for good. Had they found metastasis I may have agreed with her but so far things are looking very positive for her.
We are all so drained at the moment with all the worry and I just do not know what to say to her.
Would you all agree that the surgery would be worthwhile? Or am I being selfish. Please could you share your experiences and offer any advice!