Lonely as hell!

Here goes. I'm in remission, have been for a while. Trying to meet someone. The women on traditional dating sites can't handle it when I tell them I'm considerd terminal (because the cancer has 100% return rate, and treatment the second time isn't very successful) . I guess I should've seen this coming since my now ex-wife couldn't handle it. I also suffered from debilitating headaches for a decade. They'll come back as well. Any suggestions on how to meet someone. Also I literally have no friends.

[CallmeMum]

Hi lovely

You've posted on a site for ladies with ovarian cancer and similar stuff.

My special person said a few weeks ago 'what if I want to date again, it'll have to be a cancer dating site' I said why? It doesn't all have to be cancer related.

Get on and enjoy life, by all means tell her about your diagnosis if she doesn't like it then she's not for you.

Good luck xx

[85live4ever]

Hi there, sorry you are lonely having cancer or even being in remission is a very lonely place.

I like what Callmemum has said. It doesn't have to be a cancer website.

Can you not join a club or a Gym not for cancer patients. I feel they have to like you for who you are not for what you have or had.

I was only given 6 months to live I have made 2 years+ no one knows how long any one has so try & get out there & find a nice understanding partner.

I have thought about dating but my life is full of chemo & hospital appointments I really don't know who would want me, So I do understand where you are coming from. Take care & good luck. Cindyxx

[lorraine71-Australia]

Hi, I read your post and was not going to answers it as I did not feel I could help, when I thought how very hard to do this on your own with cancer or not, we would all like to have a partner and support from family and friends.

Like callmemum said you don't need to be on a cancer site, I think having both partners with cancer would be very hard.

I know it's easy for me to site here and tell you to join clubs but years ago I was so lonely I joined every club I could went dancing,social clubs volunteering you meet some lovely people and single clubs, I meet my partner 10 years ago and I could not wish for a better person at this time in my life he is my rock.

When you do meet someone personal or friend you don't need to tell them you have cancer and it's consided terminal, ok tell them you have cancer but it's under control let them see what a lovely lady you are first and if it's meant to be they will stay. Build up your friendships first then when you are not looking it will happen. best wishes love ..Lorraine xx

[Hidden]

You've had really good replies from the others.

But, just one other thing.....LIFE is terminal. All the people you meet have that in common with you.

Many people have conditions which return and are difficult and frightening to live with.

Having cancer is no fun at all, but we're not that special, really, and it doesn't have to be the first thing anyone gets to know about us.

Could you try and push the health related worries to one side and just find some things you enjoy doing, possibly with some people you enjoy doing them with........?

[chrissapam in reply to Hidden]

could not agree with Mac more....what I am surprised at is how few people seem to believe Life is terminal. They defend themselves so hard against that knowledge...more so, I think since the decline in religion...that that often involves rejecting us....very sad for them in my view....and also probably what leads to so many people in old age 'care' never receiving visitors.

We are a very strange 'world society'. In some ways we, those with experience.... are lucky...having more knowledge than most....what could we devise to help I wonder? C x

[27-359]

Hi. I do know exactly how you feel and have actually met people on dating sites before. When a friend asked me if I was going to join another site now that my treatment was coming to an end, I said that I lady with cancer was a bit of a niche market. I think joining clubs is a good idea, though personally meeting someone on a dating site and not telling them about the cancer seems a bit wrong to me.

Are there sites for cancer sufferers?

Jenny

[Naimish]

Mac27, that was a brilliant and most practical response

Naimish

[Purple-iris]

Hi

Some great advice already and just wanted to ask if you had had any counselling? Really helped me . Also about to do a 'fear of recurrence ' course through hospital . Don't let the fear of your cancer coming back stop you from living now and making the most of every day .

Sorry don't know what cancer you have but I am stage 4 high grade serous OC and was told it would come back by a very stern Oncologist. But as Mac said everyone is terminal , I am still here , my lovely fit healthy neighbour died in a drowning accident whilst on holiday .

No one , not even the docs have crystal balls so enjoy the present and stay hopeful and do things you enjoy and am sure that is the best way to meet others that enjoy the same things as you .

There are new drugs coming out of trials all the time and we may just prove our docs wrong 😀

Love and best wishes Kim x

[Cropcrop]

Mac27 has covered this really well, we are all terminal regardless of our health issues so it is important to live in the now and embrace whatever life throws at you, your cancer is part of you not all of you.

I would just add one thing though, don't hide, you've hidden yourself from us here, you have to be there to meet somebody, who knows there may be somebody on here looking for someone just like you. Good luck and I hope you find somebody very soon, do let us know ❤️Xx Jane