Calling your menfolk

[GoldenGourd]

Hi lovely fellow OCers. I have a request on behalf of my husband:

Do you think your “significant other”/ husband/ partner etc would find it helpful to “talk” (text, Facebook message, Skype as well as meet in person if it seems appropriate) to someone who also has a partner who is living with OC?

It doesn’t need to be some in-depth soul searching navel gazing thing, just a chat with someone who has to deal with OC and its various issues on a daily basis. If it works out then great, they can take it from there.... if not then nothing lost, worth a go...

Let me know if this might be a thing for you. The geography of being far away is not a big problem, it’s more a question of being able to communicate with someone who gets what you are going through.

Thanks for considering this request.

All the best to you and hope the yet more ruddy snow doesn’t make things too difficult this weekend.

Netti xxxxx

[SarahsJourney]

Netti it’s a nice idea but my MH deals with stuff in his own way. He’s not a big talker at the best of times but I’m sure there will be others on here who would be helped by talking.

I have a feeling there used to be a separate FB Page for husbands etc

S xxx

[Lily-Anne]

My husband belongs to a FB group for men whose wives have cancer, not sure if it's just OC. It doesn't get much activity on there but I could see if I can find the link

LA xx

[GoldenGourd in reply to Lily-Anne]

Thanks LA I have a couple of sites we are looking at. Thanks for the offer and hope you are not in too much discomfort and even enjoying a drink?

Xx Netti xx

[lesleysage]

Hello Netti,

Like S, my husband found his own way - one good friend with whom he used to work was also a bit of a 'petrol head' so they went on a couple of events together and another friend whose wife had bile duct cancer - she died last summer; I know they chatted on a couple of occasions over the phone. He is part-time employed and found his work, where three of his colleagues knew me well, also very supportive.

Hope something works for your husband as I feel it is really important for partners/carers to get their own support. It was great to see the number of men at Ovacome Members day a couple of weeks ago.

Warm wishes for a good day, Lesley

[Cropcrop]

My hubby became friends with my chemo buddy’s husband, they both found it really useful to be able to chat to each other while we had our chemo. I think it’s important that cancer patients significant others and family also have some support and if it comes from somebody who knows and understands what they’re going through I’d say that’s a good thing.

We continue to meet up regularly for chats and food and have become firm friends who all understand and I think that’s the crucial bit, we actually understand. We ladies understand how we all feel, our relevant partners know how they feel but people not personally involved don’t quite get it even though they’re really sympathetic.

I think a support group is s great idea, men, as a general rule, tend not to unload like we ladies do so it possibly could be a healthy outlet for them, perhaps he could start a Facebook page, if he does let us know and we can spread the word for anybody who needs this support.

Good luck lovely ❤️Xx Jane

[Sunfleury-UK]

I'm pretty sure an online group exists and have a feeling Andy (HerThing ) was involved in setting something up a couple of years ago. (apologies Andy if I have mis-remembered!)

It may also be worth checking with the main charities (TOC, Ovacome, Eve Appeal & Ovarian Cancer Action) as this came up a lot in the focus groups involved in the production of the 'Guide for Younger Women' a few years ago.

Sx

[Howick01]

Sounds good to me x

[Hidden]

Ovariank Cancer UK have a site for partners, I am sorry I don't know the link but if you message them they will help you. Your husband may find someone nearer to him that he can connect with, Could I suggest he join here and maybe message Naimish. He seems a lovely person and I am sure he wouldn't mind, he looks after his wife Gauri

[Nancy222]

My husband said he'd be interested. We're in Canada so I'm not sure if the time difference will slow things up.

[GoldenGourd in reply to Nancy222]

Thanks Nancy. Now the next trick is to actually get things started... xx

[AusTig]

I have just completed chemo for a recurrence of OC and during this time my husband found it very difficult. I think he would have found it helpful to contact someone going through it. The only thing he found here in Australia had mostly women posting so he wouldn’t do anything. A good idea.

[Nicky100]

I think it’s s great idea.

Nicky

[Hidden]

I think it’s a good idea. My husband hasn’t spoken to anyone about how he feels or how it’s affected him.

I’m in remission -since Dec 2016 but i think it affects me that it will probably return so I’m sure he has to deal with how I feel in his mind. He was a massive support to me during treatment and definitely wouldn’t have got through it with out him.

I feel it’s just as hard for them as it is got us.

[Neona]

I think it's a great idea too although would be surprised if my husband would take part- hard to get him to talk to anyone about anything.

[harpist_UK]

This has provoked some interesting discussion, Netti. It's interesting how men deal with this differently and how we women want to 'organise' them, isn't it? Just different ways of processing things. My husband isn't into social media, so he wouldn't do it this way - it would have to be face to face and casual. We have had some good chats with couples we have met along the cancer way. We both did the Penny Brohn 'Living with the Impact of Cancer' course and I was very proud of him in the group discussion and up at the flip chart (once a teacher, always a teacher)