4th Mother's Day without her :(

Hi ladies, I haven't posted on here for a bit as I have been here, there and everywhere and also suffering a rather horrendous kidney infection to boot! Yaboosucks.

With Mother's Day fast approaching, I've also been struggling as it will my 4th one without my darling Mum, who we lost to the big C in April 2013. I can't believe how much has happened in those 4 years. My Mum was my rock...my best friend...my 'go to' for almost everything...I don't think there was a day that went past when we didn't see or speak to each other.

Ordinarily, I wouldn't mark Mother's Day because I am usually too sad, but this year, my husband and I will have a quiet day, enjoying a roast poussin lunch, which was my Mum's favourite and (hopefully) have a little walk in the sunshine. I will light a candle in her honour (and that of my husband's mummy) and we will reminisce about some of the funny memories we shared together. Some of which were even through the darkest moments of her illness...in particularly, her 'morphine moments' or 'MM's' as we used to call them. We cried with laughter and sadness when she had those moments. She would also walk around the house and sneak Cadbury's Creme Eggs into our hands...I will never forget that :)

I miss her terribly. For all of you who still have your wonderful Mummy's, give them an extra special ((hug)) on Sunday (and everyday)...for those of you who haven't, like me...I hope you find some comfort in your memories.

Jemima xx

43 Replies

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  • I am with you Mrs A!

    I lost my mum almost 2 years ago just as I was getting diagnosed!

    I am climbing a mountain on Saturday in her honour! Its a "holy" Mountain that my mother climbed many times in her lifetime and I have yet to climb so hopefully if I manage to complete it it will be a fitting tribute to my fantastic and very sorely missed mum!

    Enjoy your weekend!

    Dx

  • Good luck Hun...your Mummy would be so proud of your strength and determination xx

  • Dee where do you get your abounding energy? But say a prayer for us all up there too, hope day is good and not misty

  • Hi Jemima. I'm lucky enough to still have my Mum and Mum-in-law. Both have been extremely supportive since my diagnosis but I try not to worry them and tend to keep my worries away from them. I think it is really important to let them know how much they are valued while they are still with us and have cards and presents ready. It must be really difficult not having Mum around on special days, but hopefully you will be able to enjoy the plans you have made and remember all the good times and the love that you shared. Take care. Ali xx

  • Thanks hun - i'm glad to hear you've still got your Mum and MIL and that they've been so supportive throughout your diagnosis. Enjoy Sunday :) xx

  • Oh Jemima 😢 Enjoy the day, and your reminiscing. It sounds like you have a lot of happy memories to think of.

    I hope you are feeling better very soon. Maybe time to treat yourself to a bit of downtime to recharge?

    xxx

  • Thanks Hun. And yes...we have been whizzing about like utter loons since the start of the year (not complaining though) but we have a few weeks now just at home in a normal routine, which is very welcome. A whole weekend to ourselves, at home, doing nothing is gold dust!! PJ's won't be coming off 😏

    So pleased for your latest results honey...enjoy Gibraltar! Xx

  • It's good that you've such good memories to help you. Wishing you and your husband a good quiet day and happiness as you reminisce. All the best! Helen

  • Thank you Helen - there may have to be a few Creme eggs consumed in her memory too 😋

  • Hi Jemima With you all the way regarding missing your mum. Mine passed away 10 years ago this month. There's not a day goes by I don't miss her still. I'll probably do what I always do on Mothering Sunday..... I go out to the garden early in the morning look upwards and wish my Mum a happy mothers day and let the tears fall then I'll smile and remember the wonderful childhood she gave me and all the happy times until we lost her. My children, grandchildren and husband make sure I enjoy the rest of the day but mum is never far from my thoughts xxx Kathy

  • Thank you Kathy - I'm sorry you've lost your Mummy too. Like you, she is in my thoughts daily and I still talk to her when I feel I need to. I have her some of her ashes in a small necklace that i wear when I'm feeling particularly low. It helps. Enjoy being pampered by your own family this Sunday and celebrate the memory of your wonderful Mum with much love xx

  • Yes I agree. My beloved mum died very suddenly and shockingly on 9th Aug last year of a burst aortic aneurysm. No one knew it was weak. She died within 7 hours, luckily although I was miles away I spoke with her that morning and managed to get an ambulance.

    Grief is hard and cruel but at the same time is interspersed with happy memories, laughter, Smiles etc. I love her and the main thing for me and my (brothers and sisters) is we like to think she's now with Dad who died in 2008 after 'managing' his Prostate cancer for 14 years.

    I talk to them both now as ever.

    Happy Memories to you too

    Clare xx ❤🌼

  • Thanks Clare - gosh, what a shocking thing to have happened. I know you are having such a tough time of things lately and i know if you're anything like me, you'd do anything to have your Mum with you now more than ever. I hope you can enjoy some happy memories yourself, whilst you are resting up at home this weekend. ((hugs)) xx

  • Keep the memories, whatever the future holds the memories remain, enjoy mothers day.

    Jeanette xx

  • Hi Mrs A , I don't think it matters how many years it is since we lost our Mam's they are never far from our thoughts. My Mam is 11 years gone now and I miss her everyday​ like you I will remember her on Sunday. My sister is putting a floral arrangement on her grave for me on Sunday as I live a bit away from where she is buried an do I am on chemo at the moment so don't want to risk catching anything. I think memories are wonderful because no one can take them away from us. I am not a Mammy so all will be quiet in my house . Kittie.PS I will get a card from the dog .🐕

  • Hoping you're feeling better soon. It's my first Mothers day without my lovely Mum so have gone completely out of routine and come to my daughter and son in law's in Kent. Have tried to avoid card shops!

    Love and tranquility to you.

    Sandra x

  • I'm sorry to hear you lost your lovely Mum Sandra. Like you, I find all the cards, emails, adverts etc really upsetting but I hope you manage to have a nice day with your own family xx

  • Ah bless you. Big Big hugs xxxx

  • So true...still miss mine and she died in 1993. X

  • I'm sorry to hear this Lyndy xx

  • Big hugs xx

  • A sad but lovely post. I don't want to think about my parents not being there. I hope you get some comfort from your reminiscing day xx

  • Thanks Hun 😢 Miss her so much x

  • What a nice way to celebrate Mothers day, yes it will also be sad for me as my Mum has passed. However you have given me food for thought for that day,

  • Yes...maybe cook up & enjoy your Mum's fav food :)

  • I hope your day is a good one filled with your many fond memories. I don't know what it is like to lose your Mom, but I can imagine the devastation of it. I know you will hold your memories very close to your heart. Kim xx

  • Thank you Kim xx

  • Your post brought tears to my eyes but is a timely reminder for those who still have their mums to create new memories with them. I think my mum will outlast me, she's had a heart bypass, bowel cancer and is In a wheelchair! Her medical team calls her a "tough old bird"! Even better at 77 she's just booked her flight from the uk to come and visit me in Australia.

    Enjoy those memories, best wishes Dawn

  • Thank you Dawn...you're Mum sounds like a real trooper. I hope you have a wonderful visit with her xx

  • Hi Jemima

    Your post brought a lump to my throat this morning. My dear mama passed away two years ago this Jan. I had been her full time carer for 8years. We were together through my diagnosis and treatment in 2011 . I reckon my long NED up to last year, was due a lot to her encouragement and my continuing to be her carer. I had no time for self pity and I can be quite good at that given the chance ! In her time she was a champion athlete and also cycled in competition , the absolute opposite to me as I'm a bookish , nerdy type . She skipped up a famous holy mountain here Croagh Patrick, in a pair of high heels many years ago . When my Dad died suddenly at 63 she started to travel the world with me as I worked for an airline . I have many photos of her such as tasting tea in a tea factory in Kenya , driving past a sign saying " you are now passing the Equator " and scrambling over a rickety bridge with my friend. I might add I refused to go on that trip being the coward I am ! A year before she died she was recorded for the National archives so we have nearly twenty hours of her voice telling stories from her youth and i will listen for a while tomorrow to some of her stories. I will take some of her own daffodils to her grave today a s tomorrow I have been invited to a christening. Her name was Bridie and she was my heroine. Thanks for giving me the platform to talk about her Jemima. All our mums were precious and we will always miss them . Lots of love

    XXX

  • Its Croagh Patrick I am tackling tomorrow Molly but I certainly wont be doing it in high heels I can tell you! Your mum must have been some woman to do that!!!!

    Hope all good with you!

    Dx

  • Hi D

    Good for you. You are fantastic with your get up and go and I always look forward to reading about your latest adventure. My mother asked the parish priest if it wS ok to wear heels and he said no problem. It didn't phase her. She was only concerned that she looked out of place ! Also you did say it was Croagh Patrick in your earlier post. I was concentrating on you writing that it was in your mums memory so missed that bit . It is such a short time for you too so you were coping with grief and diagnosis at the same time which must have been very hard for you. As for me I have just had check ups etc . It has been a mixed bag so I want to put up a separate post as I have some questions. I will put it up over the weekend . Enjoy the climb and let us know how you get on.

  • No Molly didn't mention Croagh Patrick I just called it the "holy Mountain":):):)

  • Molly - your Mum sounded amazing and as adventurous as mine :) My Mummy was called Carol and was very sporty and adventurous. She rowed for England and then coached the women's team after. She climbed many mountains in her 20's, including the Matterhorn with Joe Simpson (perhaps it is where I get my adventurous side?) She brought the 3 of us into this world and along with my Dad, gave us the most amazingly happy childhood. And for a short period of our adult lives, she was our rock. She was robbed of her retirement that she had worked so very hard for all her life, by being taken from us just 2 days before her 65th birthday. But she fought like an absolute dignified trooper right to the very end and we were all with her, at home, which is what she wanted, when she left us.

    It sounds like you have some fond memories of time spent together with your Mum and that is the most important thing. And to share such a special bond as your Mum's carer is something I hope you take great comfort in...because I was my Mum's carer too for the short period she was poorly (7 months). It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but something no one can ever take away from me and I got to spend some incredibly special moments with her before she died.

    I am so happy you have the National archives you can listen to. Gosh, I think i'd be listening to those every night had my Mum done that. Instead, she pops into my mind on a daily basis...sometimes those memories are sad, something happy. Grief is such a mixed bag. And sometimes I still can't quite believe she's gone. I miss her so much that tears often roll down my cheeks when i'm in a daydream about her and i don't even notice until my husband pops his arm around my shoulders, knowing what is going on inside my head.

    I hope on Sunday you can celebrate your Mummy's memory - I will be lighting a candle for mine and one for everyone else who doesn't have their Mummy with them anymore. And will try and ensure they are only happy memories in my head on Sunday :) xx

  • They sounded like they could be kindred spirits Jemima . Iit is doubly sad that your mum was so young and her precious retirement was taken from her. She was obviously well known and you must be so proud of her. My mum was 93 and still had her driving licence . I am ashamed to say I don't drive but she did and loved it. She had no fear. I called her my Miss Daisy but instead of me driving Miss Daisy it was the other way round. When I got ill my brother retired from Kenya and became the official driver. He still does it !

    Enjoy your precious memories tomorrow Jemima and we will all raise a toast to our wonderful mothers. I hope they all meet up there in heaven and have a celebration as well as asking some favours for all of us. Much love

    XXX

  • Oh Jemima-

    What a wonderful remembrance of your dear mom!!! She is looking down on you and giving you strength. You have great fond memories of her!!

    I lost my mom in over 30 years ago to this beast. My children were robbed of a wonderful person who would of had great influence over them. My daughter was just 2 when she passed. I have good memories of her also but never was able to ask advise that I so desperately needed as my kids were growing.

    Hope you get over your kidney issues and move on. Your pain in remembrance is just a sure sigh of your love. Cherish every moment of it. The bad gets better and the good memories will prevail.

    Love, Carol

  • Thank you Carol for those lovely words...i keep in mind a short poem on these special days;

    "Your life was a blessing, your memory a treasure, you are loved beyond words and missed beyond measure"

    xx

  • Beautiful verse!!

    As sad as it may be, we memorialize loved ones by thinking about them every day.

  • Jemima I'm sure your mum would be absolutely made up to know how much she is still loved.

    Netti x

  • Agree Jemima,

    Been 6 years without mine,2 years down a slippery slope too horrible to mention,

    Here's to all the lovely Mums whether they are here or not,they were ours and we loved them❤❤😘

  • You have a kidney infection?? :( what were your symptoms

  • I was urinating what looked like pure blood and had ongoing lower back pain along with a fever. Thought it was just a UTI but after tests at docs they confirmed the infection had travelled very rapidly up into my kidneys. All clear now thank goodness! 🤗

  • Thank you for your feed back I was scared I might have one because of my urine had blood in the test not sure yet

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