I should have joined a while ago. Hello everybody, I need some advice

[juliajet]

First I'd like to thank this lovely community, who I know have been really helpful to my Mum.

Mum was diagnosed last year, and has been valiantly fighting since. She was declared in remission in January, and more unfortunately than is possible to express, had to re enter chemo in April.

I'm finding this impossibly hard to write. I'm 22, and the only daughter - I have 4 older brothers. We have rallied round Mum throughout this and there is always one of us here with her.

I'm looking for a way of doing something big for my Mum in the very near future. I want to do some sort of fundraiser for Ovacome but I have no idea where to begin, what activity to do; and I haven't been particularly social, so I wouldn't know how to start crowdfunding. I just have no idea what to do. But I do know that my Mum deserves something huge, and I want to do my best to give her it.

Thank you in advance for your help. Any advice on how to cope would also be invaluable; I'm struggling.

Thank you.

[BJ_UK]

Hi, Juliajet,

Your Mum is lucky to have you to support her!

Does she have a birthday coming up? My daughters helped arrange a sixtieth birthday party for me a year and a half after my diagnosis. We held it in our local church hall. Instead of presents, we requested that people donate to Ovacome and/or our local cancer support centre. We provided large quantities of three main courses, one of them vegetarian, and everybody was asked to bring some food or drink as well, which meant that there was more than enough to go round without anybody having to RSVP. All my family and friends were invited, including everyone from church, and we made over £600 for the charities involved. My daughters arranged the decoration of the hall - I still have some of the paper flowers they made in shades of teal!

Perhaps your mum would enjoy something similar if she is feeling up to it. You could set up a JustGiving page for people to send donations, especially those who won't be able to come to your event. It doesn't have to be a birthday you celebrate, of course - it could be a celebration based on a holiday or festival date that means something special to her, or even just a time of year she enjoys.

All the best, and I hope you think of something you are happy with soon!

Barbara

[baxbird]

Hi

Sorry that you have found your way here, but you sound like you are doing a grand job of supporting your mum.

Have you spoken to Ovacome direct? They can point you in the direction of fund raising ideas, big and small. You might feel more comfortable starting off small and just building up the pot of money that you can raise and add to it over time with different or bigger events?

Dawn

[microferret]

hello there,

I am in a similar position - my mum was diagnosed with PPC almost exactly a year ago, and after chemo, debulking and chemo again, seemed to be clear in Feb. At the latest scan there has been some tumour progression, her CA125 has risen again to 300 and we are feeling a little downcast. She is on watch and wait but I think that chemo will be happening again in three months, which is a shame because although I knew a recurrence would happen I had hoped for a few worry-free months at least.

It's all horribly frightening, but the best way I have found to cope is to live in the moment - when I catch myself imagining the unthinkable, I remember that one's imagination is nearly always more terrifying than reality, because in your head there is infinite potential for horror, whereas there is only one actual reality. Yes, there are likely tough times ahead, but you get through them and find strength that you had not even known was there. So try not to distress yourself with what ifs and projections of future tragedy - they may not come to pass, and there is no sense wasting the joy that could be had today based upon the chance of unhappiness tomorrow. Take a deep breath, look out the window, listen to the birds sing and tell yourself, "be here now". That has always helped me.

Another thing which has helped a lot is the lovely ladies sharing their experiences on here. I have learned that lots of people have the first recurrence quite quickly and then the second recurrence comes a lot later. Each recurrence has a different line of treatment, and some are more effective than others. Lots of ladies are still around after multiple recurrences, and have a pretty good quality of life in between bouts of chemo, going on holidays, gardening, socialising and generally enjoying themselves. And doctors say to think of OC as a chronic disease, that can be controlled and managed over time, rather than a harbinger of imminent doom.

I think that what you are doing in organising an event is also a tremendously good idea - it is a positive, proactive thing to focus on and it will show you that although things are not perfect, there are still plenty of good times to be had. Since mum got ill we've had some magical times together as a family, and I have faith that there are more to come.

Sending all the best,

Sara xxx

[juliajet in reply to microferret]

My mum is in the hospice now, not able to eat and not on TPN. Mum has decided not to continue treatment. I didn't make that clear, I know - I've not come to terms with it yet, obviously. So any action I take needs to be soon, I just want to demonstrate how much I care. Tragedy is imminent no matter what. Sorry for bad explanation. Any suggestions would be really helpful.

Thank you so much for replying, best to you and your mum xxxxxxx

[Venessabr in reply to juliajet]

Just reading your second post. Sorry to hear she is in the hospice and a bit further with her illness but my advice is the same, make every minute count. I had a friend in the nursing department of a hospice suggest to me that I should have a birthday party for Mom even if it was'nt her birthday. We did and she loved the celebration. Perhaps a day to celebrate her because , today, she is with you. You still have this moment. Make her laugh if you can. Take her away mentally for as many moments as you can. I pray for you and your family.

[microferret in reply to juliajet]

hello again. I'm so sorry, I didn't realise - please don't apologise, those must be the hardest words to type. I will be thinking of you.

There's a really awesome list of fundraising ideas here cancerresearchuk.org/suppor... - probably something simple like a high tea is the easiest and nicest thing to do. Or perhaps a karaoke competition? Perhaps there is a function room at the hospice that you could use - hire a karaoke machine (you might be able to get it free of charge if you explain the situation) charge people three pounds to enter and then sell snacks, have three judges x-factor style and some donated prizes as gifts. You could even just make it a talent contest. The nice thing about something like this is that it's cheerful and often funny so can be a good distraction for you and your family - laughter is the best medicine. When my mum first got ill I put on Harry Hill's TV Burp all the time and it did more good than all the painkillers put together.

Perhaps you could also put together some home videos and make a lovely film of happier times together? I think there are companies who will edit together disparate videos into a short film. It will probably reduce everyone to puddles of tears, but sometimes that can be cathartic, and your Mum might be keen to reminisce.

I hope this helps a little. Sending all the good vibes I can,

Sara xx

[juliajet in reply to microferret]

Thank you so much for your suggestions Sara xxx

[Venessabr]

Hello, I guess I should say welcome to the group of us that are children of parents suffering with this nasty disease. My mom has mestatic endometrial cancer. This group has supported me tremendously. I think you have come to the right place. I too am the only daughter, though more than double your age, so the burden is a bit heavier on my shoulders. I try my best to make every day and every minute count for her. I can not be with her 24 hours a day. That is a bit unrealistic for me but whenever I travel within the states and it is not a business travel, I drag her along even if she is a bit sick and tired. I fine that even at her most depressed and sick state, she gets a boost of energy when I say "come on lets get out of the house or I just call her and say, I'm on the way". Sometimes, I hear it in her voice that she is not 100% but she jumps up and finds the energy to get dressed and wait for my arrival. For now, all I could do is listen to her when she wants to talk, do research on her behalf and ask questions both to her doctors and on this site. I can be her cheer leader and her support system. It helps me to feel better about making her smile and it takes her a bit away from the cancer woes. I hope this is a bit helpful for you.

[microferret]

Also, if you are not already, have you looked into taking antidepressants? They do help an awful lot at a time like this. There is a lot of undeserved stigma surrounding them but they really make things easier to bear. Ask your GP if you are interested. I have been on Sertraline for anxiety and depression and it changed my life.

[juliajet in reply to microferret]

A lot of the stigma is deserved, sorry - I do believe in use of antidepressants, but only for short periods of time (3 months, 6 months max) and am entering a career path where I will heavily advocate against them, and for other therapies. Of course I really do see their benefit short term, however I hope to help people not be dependent on them. People often end up attributing their successes in life to their antidepressant, when they deserve the credit. Plus I'd like to be emotionally 'myself' as it were, for my Mum.

No stigma intended, by the way. Just make sure you do your research.