My wife started chemo yesterday (the BEP variety if that means anything!)
She's doing three lots, where she's in for three days at a time. Pretty "toxic" course by all accounts.
What can I do to help? Any suggestions/tips on making her more comfortable?
(Other than suggesting I do the washing and cooking- which I'm doing!)
Hi. Just be there, not just for the practical things, but also to listen, give hugs when needed, and retreat when your wife just wants to be left alone. I love the fact my husband helped me to take a bath or have a shower because it all seemed too much to be able to cope with alone when you are feeling at your worst. If your wife gets a bit short with you it's not her talking it's the fact that she feels so rough and she may just want to be left alone and not have you fussing over her every 5 mins (even though that's all you really want to do). I'm not sure what BEP is but if you see chemo fluid spilt on a floor like we saw once you will realise just how toxic it all is (I half expected steam to start rising from the floor like acid had been spilt the way the staff reacted!). I hope your wife is doing ok. Big hug to you both xx Kathy xx
Like Kathy says just being there is good- I used to love going for a drive even when I was too weak to get out of the car because doing chemo can be boring and isolating...boxed sets little treats you know what will help lift her spirit.
All the best to you both Lx
Hi 👋
We found out nearly 2 years ago my special person had OC and just being supportive helping her can be more than enough but as the other ladies have said when she wants alone time give it to her as she will need time alone as will you xx
Hi lesrouge, what a thoughtful person you are to ask this.
Let her rest when she wants, let her watch as much rubbish as she wants on TV, if she wants to lose herself in a book let her, if she wants to sleep let her. Give her space if she asks for it, it's good for you both. The side effects of chemo are pretty grim and being able to get involved in films and dramas can help a little to distract a little. Her sense of taste will change dramatically, I found nice sweet things were very high on my list of likes. She may get a sore mouth so maybe cool yoghurts could help or nice ice cream?
Her skin may become very dry, lovely lotions to make her feel better and lovely hand creams for her skin and nails too which will become brittle, I found massaging lotions in my skin so very soothing and settling .
She may be grumpy because she feels rubbish, it's not your fault but you may get it in the neck because you're there and want to try to help, it's nothing personal just let her know you're there to support her whatever. make sure she takes her meds, they really do help. Most importantly just be there for her.
The BEP is a combination of three different treatments and according to Macmillan advice is fairly intense which is why she will have it in hospital as an in patient so it's good she will stay under their care and they will be on hand to help with her side effects. Chemo is fairly toxic on on one occasion at my chemo hospital a very small spillage was treated as a full chemical incident.
Give her our love and sending big hugs to you both and good wishes for a positive outcome. ❤️Xx Jane
Hello lesrouge! Make sure your wife drinks plenty of water and walks every day, even if only for 15 mins. And by doing the housework you are giving the best help possible! 
Best wishes to you both.
The physical effects of chemo can be tough but also, bear in mind that emotionally it can be really challenging.... I would say the greatest support you can give is to keep asking and listening to what your wife feels she needs (this will change quite a bit) as others have said, sometimes I wanted to retreat inwards quite a bit and other times it was really important to connect, lean on others or be part of 'normal life'!! As well as the chemo drugs, the anti nausea and steroids are powerful things- bear in mind that the hospital team are there to support, your CNS is there for the whole family as are forums like this and the nurse-led helplines run by the various charities.
After the first round, you should have a clearer idea how each cycle will play out- there is a rythmn to it and we found that making the most of the better week really helped us through the next.
It can often be the little thoughtful things that are so important: I used to struggle a lot in mornings and my partner would leave a flask of tea and something to nibble by my bedside when he left for work which was so lovely...
Do take care of you too... these diagnosis can hit quite hard and hopefully you've some good friends or family who will support you too. In the long term, being able to offload a little or de-stress yourself will mean you both get through the coming months ok. Regardless of the hospital treatments, side-effects and tough days don't forget you are still the same two people you were six months ago- it's quite easy and natural to slide into a new relationship of 'patient and carer' - it's a really challenging time BUT huge numbers of us here negotiated our ways through it and I'm sure your wife will do too... one step at a time!
Wishing you both hope & strength, Sx
my problem with the cannula insertion before chemo - a thankyou note to everyone who helped me
Chemo
Chemo
