Just wanted to post

[Millie-c]

Hi all you great guys, 

Just felt the need to post, no reason other than my anxiety and no other posts to read today. 

Been ok this morning watching hollyoaks omnibus but now getting a little bored with what to do. 

Do any of u watch hollyoaks?? The young girl and lad on there going through chemo always amaze me that they just act normal as if nothing is happening, suppose it's hard for them to act it without the knowledge of the disease. I'm not sure what cancers they have but I wish I was as well as them after I had my chemo. 

David on Emmerdale has acted the pre op part quite well I thought but I bet next time it is on he has recovered. I hope he acts the chemo side of things to show the side effects that you get not just have a hat on to say" look at me, I'm having chemo"

And then we have Eastenders where Sonja has found a lump in her breast. I wasn't sure if she was previously diagnosed as BRCA positive in the show but she at least talked about the gene. Her mum carol had it if I remember a few years ago, 

So we only have Coronation street left. Who is going to be the unlucky one on there??

You probably thinking is this all I have to do?? Well just thought it would be interesting to see what other people thought about tv cancer?? 

Why you ask, I love reading posts and replies and they are on the slim side at the moment,

Hope all is well with everyone, 

Mandy, xx

[Hidden]

I think it brings up all types of emotions when our tv characters tend to get Cancer.  Carol on East Enders was in fact the best of it all.  Even here in Ireland we have a soap called Fair City and one of the leading actresses had breast cancer in the series.  Most were all good outcomes as far as I recall.   It is odd though how one drama picks up on an illness such as cancer and the others follow suit.  We have Hannah in Home and Away just after having double masectomy last week because she has the BRCA gene.  I am trying to get back reading and off fb etc but its not easy.

[Millie-c in reply to Hidden]

I must stop forgetting that everyone doesn't live in England.

I spoke to d yesterday saying hope she enjoyed the sunshine, and she says it was not so nice in Ireland. 

I now know you and d are both not in England lol so will try to remember when I reply to your posts.

Xx

[Hidden in reply to Millie-c]

Dont worry for heavens sake its fine, I think we have one or two from USA and elsewhere on the site.  Ye definitely got the sunshine today tho so jealous haha

[Millie-c in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Suzuki, 

Hope you get good weather soon too,

[Dollysmum in reply to Hidden]

I agree. She's a really good actress. xx Cancer is everywhere at the moment. TV ads for Cancer Research (the one with the baby getting a blood transfusion makes me cry) and of course the soaps. Probably an 'awareness' thing going on.

My husband is watching Breaking Bad again, which is a fantastic series about 'Walt' a mild mannered chemistry teacher who is diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. His insurance (US) doesn't cover the costs of treatment and so he goes off and starts a meth lab..

It really is excellent although violent and gory at times as his journey meets with all manner of hard core gangsters and drug barons.

The fly in the ointment for me though, is that Walt, having shaved his head after his chemo, went on to grow a rather spiffing gotee beard and kept his eyebrows....... hmmmm.

Dx

[Chamber]

Hi Mandy

Did watch emmerdale when Diane had breast cancer recurrence. 

Have to say she recovered amazingly well from chemo and looked great in her wig !

Best wishes

Judy x

[Howick01]

We have a soap here in Scotland ' River City 'in which OC was enacted. The person affected recovered very quickly and then another person had the BRCA gene, also recovering from both breast and ovarian surgery remarkedly!!!!!

Emmerdale has now mentioned that Edna died from OC and that was the end of that!

I have watched Hollyoaks from the beginning and with nurses wearing those uniforms you cannot be serious!! I feel that Jade's storyline is a bit jaded!

At least these soaps are trying to make us aware of these diseases but their story writers need to do a bit more research and make it more realistic.

Hope you are well x

[Deesales]

Hi I can relate to the anxiety bit. It's like a shadow on your shoulder. As for the TV am a Corrie fan so don't know the other story lines. I think it's good for raising awAreness. It usually breast cancer and to date haven't seen a story line for OC 

There was a really good film a bit ago with the actress Sheridan Smith which is one of the most realistic about cancer diagnosis and treatment plus friends reactions. You need a box of tissues and wine chocolate though. Sorry can't remember the title but if you google it sure to be there. 

Take care Dee 

[Millie-c in reply to Deesales]

It's called the 'c' word, I didn't watch it yet but funnily enough I just bought the book on Saturday. 

I was unsure about buying it and reading about cancer but then just thought why not. 

Not sure what to expect to be honest. I'm sure I will have a cry at some point. 

[Di16]

Saw Arthur on Holby City was having chemo last week, all very civilized, no hair loss.  I think he'd been treated for Melanoma.  But I haven't really been following the series recently to know much about how they're dealing with it.

Di

[Millie-c in reply to Di16]

Yes I saw that and just thought it was like popping for a coffee at Costa. 

I can't believe the difference I feel. I have just done a couple of hours work and am shattered. Really can't cope with it all but I know I have to. 

On TV they carry on working as if nothing has changed, I don't hear anyone on here just getting on without side effects. 

[Di16 in reply to Millie-c]

I agree.  I've had 2 courses of chemo, & at no time could I just pop round to the chemo ward for a 'quick dose of chemo' & a chat with my friends.  It was tough.  And I thought the chemo ward at Holby looked more like a comfortable lounge than a chemo ward.  We didn't even see any other patients or any nurses.    

Di                                                                                  

[Millie-c in reply to Di16]

I thought that, u didn't even see a nurse or anything, no other patients. 

When jade In hollyoaks was supposed to be having chemo she didn't even have a canula in. What was that all about??  

[IrishMollyO]

Hi Amanda

I think I am up there with you on the anxiety levels today. Trying to keep myself busy  to stop myself thinking about meeting a new oncologist this week for a second opinion. I really don't know where it will take me and worry if I have jumped out of the frying pan into the fire ! All I know is that I have known since Mar that my lymph nodes are affected and it has taken me this long to get this far. 

To talk about more trivial matters such as soaps I am a long term Corrie St fan. First we had Deirdre a good few years ago who had Breast cancer I think and she revovered. Sadly the actress who played her has since died. Then we had Sally who also had Breast Cancer and that was definitely more realistic as it was a case of life imitating art . The actress who plays her was getting advice on how to play the part when she discovered she herself had the same Cancer and so took time off for her own treatment . And then there was Hayley and you may remember what happened to poor Hayley. Poor Roy was devastated when she refused treatment . 

Anyway Mandy as the next episode of my own soap story is about to resume I am trying to stay calm and collected. I dont think anyone who never had this disease could possibly play the part realistically . Even sometimes our families and friends don't get the extent of the stress and fatigue we feel . Then actors should get advice from one of us ! Take care and I will keep you posted on my next episode. 

XXX

[Millie-c in reply to IrishMollyO]

Good to hear from you Molly, 

Sorry to hear you are waiting for a second opinion with a new oncologist. It is this that causes the anxiety. 

I hope you get the answers you are looking for. 

Xx

[Julie40 in reply to IrishMollyO]

Mollie I read in your post above that you're getting a second opinion this week. Please try not to be anxious about it. Easier said I know but you will have two opinions and proposed plans. My Oncologist is amazing and he's right up there on my hero list but I would have no hesitation in seeking a third opinion in my case if it wasn't working out.   

Pleas keep us posted and loved the soaps update.  Sometimes it's easier to see the drama unfold on tv and distracts from our real life drama lol  Hugs xo

[IrishMollyO in reply to Julie40]

Oh Julie

Right now I am getting ready for my train and I am sick with worry and so low. Just a feeling I can't shake off of having come to the end of the line. I know I should wait until I speak to the new oncologist before I decide what comes next. I just don't want to be now given options that I was never given in the beginning. I feel I just won't be strong enough to now make major decisions. When I was first diagnosed I was confident and wanted them to just bring it on. I was offered chemo and nothing else . Now I am worried that I will find I should have been offered surgery to begin with as most people seem to be offered . If I find it wasn't possible then I will accept that and go with whatever plan they have. Funny thing is that my little thoughts for today book says " there are times your recovery will be in the hands of a physician"  Then it says " always seek sound medical advice ,but pray for your doctor that he or she may be guided by the Lord " and the prayer at the end says "Dear Lord ,help me to receive the best medical care from my doctor " . I just thought it was so apt that I am reading this this morning so now I am going to pick myself up and get going. Your reply gives me that glimmer of hope I needed. Thanks for giving me your positive vibes and sending you a return hug !

XXX

[Julie40 in reply to IrishMollyO]

You need to go in and show that Oncologist that you are strong mentally and physically because they will be assessing you in every way.  Show them that you're up for doing all that you can to stay alive.  Show them that you can deal with it and have the fight in you to cope with whatever treatment plan they come up with because it could be a tough plan they offer.  There are some tough regimes out there but I've seen friends who thought they couldn't take anymore dig so deep and they are still here and managing albeit very difficult at times.   Hope is all we need to give us that strength to deal with this.  

Even if they tell you today surgery could have happened you have to remember you can't change the past and focus on moving on to do what will help.   Faith alleviates fear. 

I love your quotes for today that should give you a real comfort.   I always pray for Prof that he is continually blessed with wisdom.  

Hugs xo

[IrishMollyO in reply to Julie40]

Thanks Julie

I am now on the train . I have just read your words of wisdom. My appt is Thu and a friend is driving me there .

She had endemetrial Cancer 2 years ago so had her own scary journey. She is now in remission. I will go on my own to see the oncologist as I find I get distracted by other people being there. I will have my questions written down. I do hope I am given time to think about it if there is more than one option. I will be seeing my original oncologist a week later and after that I will pray a plan is in place that will allow me to go to all the weddings I have been invited to this year. I do know that I i was very upbeat and positive during my first treatment so I hope I will face it the same way. Thanks again Julie. You have kept me going today.

XXX

[Julie40 in reply to IrishMollyO]

Hi Molly. How did you get on today ? Xo

[IrishMollyO in reply to Julie40]

Hi Julie

I got on fine thank God. She was very nice. Very efficient and good at explaining . Told me that surgery was not an option in my case as no large tumours and drastic surgery would not be advisable . I had responded very well to my treatment first time and she sees no reason why it shouldn't be the same again. She would not recommend treatment immediately so now on the dreaded wait and see. She would recommend scan in about 3 months to check if any increase in swelling of nodes. She asked me for all of my symptoms but discounted them as having anything to do with my Cancer. No apparent fluid still and that would be one of the main indicators. So all in all at least I can breathe for a while but you do feel a bit flat as family and friends think now she is grand. But you know that blooming disease gets into your head and rents a room there ! Anyway Julie I had so many people praying for me that I feel they have been answered and I do thank God for this reprieve. Going home tomorrow so will put up a general post for all the other lovely ladies who have encouraged me. Hope you are well yourself and thanks for your kind words.

XXX

[Hidden in reply to IrishMollyO]

Hi Molly O, i am only now after seeing your posts, I am glad you went for a second opinion. I hope you are happy with this. I agree you responded well to treatment first time around so there is no reason why the same wont happen. Be proactive in you watch and wait, plan some days out a little trip away or down the country. Dont let the waiting be the focus of your life for the next few months. Get out and come to visit your brother in Cork and we can meet up for a coffee, now there is a thought, you finally get to meet me. Best wishes

[IrishMollyO in reply to Hidden]

Hi Suzuki

Only reading your post now really late as I came home from Dublin today. The oncologist was very nice and at the same time direct. One of these people who is passionate about her subject. I am not sure as days go by how patient I will be on watch and wait. I go back to my own oncologist next week as he will have letter from the referral oncologist. I'm not really worried about that one as I guess she has already told me all I need to know this week. After that I have 3 weddings in less than a month and one in Sep. I was joking that I hoped it wasn't going to be " four weddings and a funeral " ! One of them is in West Cork on 3jun . I'm not sure I will be in the city this time but will let you know nearer the time .

XXX

[Hidden in reply to IrishMollyO]

Well definitely that is a busy schedule and it wont be four weddings and a funeral. I know we get things into our minds from time to time. But we live in the moment. Good luck with your appointment during the week and let us know if your present oncologist agrees with the decision of the second opinion. It is good to have some one you know you can trust. I am indeed lucky in that regard also. So now its your turn to go shopping, but if the weddings are not connected you may get away with two rig outs. My sister in law wore a rig out to my sons wedding which she used for another event many years ago. I wouldnt have known only that she said it herself. Well the sales will be hitting the shops as well so hopefully you will get a bargain or two.

[Julie40 in reply to IrishMollyO]

At least you can settle knowing that the surgery wasn't possible and it won't make you get those angry feelings that would have naturally come along if it had been an opportunity missed.

God can work miracles and you need to keep believing and have as many people as possible praying for you. Don't let fear of anger steal the good in your life. I heard a saying last week and loved it -

Today is a gift that's why it is called the present.

We need to live in the moment and enjoy our lives Cancer doesn't define us, its just a pain in the backside having to deal with it lol

Hugs xo

[IrishMollyO in reply to Julie40]

Hi Julie

Home today and catching up. You are right in what you say. Also even if I knew definitely that Ishould have had surgery what is the point in knowing now. It is what it is now and I must go on from this point. I have many people praying for me and yesterday a teacher neighbour told me he even had his class praying for me. That does comfort me so much . You know exactly 5 years ago today which was also a Fri 13th , my GP rang me to tell me to get myself to the nearest hospital as soon as possible as a blood test she did was abnormal. That was the beginning of this journey. Thanks again Julie. That is my favourite saying and the beginning of it is " yesterday is history and tomorrow is a mystery " and the rest are the words you quote. Now if I can stay awake I will put up that post I promised to thank everyone else . To be continued

XXX

[Julie40 in reply to IrishMollyO]

Time goes by so quickly. Last two years of my life have been crazy but so many fantastic memories that overtake the not so good. Take care xo

[Hidden in reply to Julie40]

HI Julie, yes I agree we also have great memories to remember and this helps us over come the bad times. I hope you are doing okay

[Julie40 in reply to Hidden]

Cancer can't steal our memories. I try to do things that my family will treasure even just the simple things. I've turned into a crazy photo woman too ! Snap taken at every opportunity.

I'm doing ok thanks trial going well and praying it continues. Hope al good with you too. You're a real constant on this site and a great support to all xo

[Julie40]

Millie I remember watching Carol in Eastenders and thinking at the time I couldn't even watch trash tv without cancer being involved.  It was awkward sometimes at home if it was on as we were all uncomfortable when it came on.  

Suppose it's so common in real life they have to cover it.   Some awful acting though lol xo

[Millie-c in reply to Julie40]

Hi Julie, 

Thanks for your reply, 

You sound like a very positive lady who has been through such a lot from reading a few of your previous posts, 

I see you have been accepted on a trial so that is good news, don't know if you have started it yet, but hopefully all is going well. 

I am finding this site a great help with my anxiety and appreciate all the comments made. 

Xx

[Julie40 in reply to Millie-c]

Millie it's a great place to come to for information, support and a virtual hug when we need it.  

I started the trial and looks like I'm getting the real drug. Great news but my liver function is elevated so need that to settle so that I can stay on trial xo

[Millie-c in reply to Julie40]

Hope the liver sorts itself out so you can continue treatment. 

There is always something that causes a glitch isn't there, 

Hope u are feeling well on treatment, 

Xx

[Millie-c in reply to Julie40]

Hi Julie, I got your question how did I get on at the hospital today, but can't find it when I click to see reply so hoping this gets to you. 

It's Molly who was at the hospital today, I'm there Monday, or I was, I just had a phone call from the hospital and I have to go in for a blood transfusion tomorrow in prep for my op on Tuesday, 

I'm gonna do a post when I get chance and ask what it entails?? I'm quite nervous about it

How r u doing today??

[Julie40 in reply to Millie-c]

I don't know where it is but I've got to see this now. Best to get the blood before and give you a boost before the op b I needed blood after my surgery. Try not to be nervous. Easier said than done but it will be behind you in no time. Do something lovely this weekend. Good luck for Tuesday and keep us posted on how you are doing xo

[Millie-c in reply to Julie40]

Thanks Julie, it did go alright eventually, I got the blood at 6 pm after being there all day. I got home at 11:30. It was a long day, hopefully it will make me feel much better before the op,

Thanks for replying, mandy, xx

[Hidden in reply to Millie-c]

Hi Millie C I hope you are recovering today after a long hospital day yesterday. Take it easy for the weekend and maybe tomorrow get out somewhere for a few hours if you can get someone to take you. It will help keep your thoughts from straying to next week. Best wishes

[Millie-c in reply to Hidden]

Hi Suzuki,

I have stayed in bed until now worn out, just thinking about getting up to have something to eat,

Does go to show all the hanging about yesterday does make you tired,

Gonna go out today and get a few things for my hospital visit.

Hope you have a few good things planned this weekend.

[Julie40 in reply to Millie-c]

It will make a difference. You may also get another after the op. A boost will be good for you. Good luck for your surgery we will all be thinking of you xo

[Hidden]

of course you are tired, dont expect a huge improvement until tommorow. Sometimes it is tiring to be hanging around and waiting because it is stressfull. I get tired for no reason and just have to chill for a bit. I am getting older too so dont have the stamina.

Yes some retail therapy is in order and dont forget to sit down and have a nice cuppa while you are out.

[Millie-c in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Suzuki, appreciate your responses. X