A bit anxious

[Emalou71]

Hello everyone

Beautiful day out just got back from a run feeling knackered but good for it.

Had a call on Friday from my oncologist secretary saying my numbers are up (ca125) and I've been booked in for an urgent scan this Thursday. Kind of gobsmacked as been NED since Feb 2015 finished Avastin December 2015 had a clear scan in Jan this year and ca125 of 27. I had stage 4 and wide spread but 9 rounds of chemo and big op I was lucky to be NED

Just starting to get back into work projects and now have to explain to my boss in the morning I've got to cancel Thursday when I'm meant to be training 30 people.....😢dreading it especially if everything comes back ok?

I feel very panicked due to the call and swiftly manner of the scan, I'm trying to remain calm but deep down I'm not the fear of putting my family and friends through it all again is eating me away. I know the numbers don't necessarily mean it's bad but mentally I'm struggling. Any advice would be great xxx

[Hidden]

I am glad you got out for a good run to work all this out of your system. I know it is upsetting having to turn around to your boss and cancel a training day because of your ct scan. I used think like you but at the end of the day, its our health that is important. You probably do feel stressed waiting for the the scan and then the results. Hopefully it will all show stable. Sometimes we tend to worry more about our jobs than ourselves and do we get any thanks for it, certainly not, Remember we have no control over this illness and our families and friends do realise this deep down. I hope you get out again tomorrow and enjoy some you time. You need this and you deserve it. Take it day by day for the next week or so, and be kind to yourself. Thinking of you and sending you best wishes

[Emalou71 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much, I didn't realise I would feel like this but your right health first. Just got to face the boss in the morning 😀 Xxx

[Hidden in reply to Emalou71]

I wish you the best of luck in the morning I know what it is like even though my job would not have been as responsible as yours, But guess what, they managed without me for my second recurrence and my third one. I retired last year because it was retirement age. Your boss is paid to sort out staffing issues.

[Grace123]

Hi Emalou I understand how you're feeling - it's tough when everything's been going so well to be rung up out of the blue like this - &, as you acknowledge, "the numbers don't necessarily mean it's bad." I'm not sure whether I can give any advice - you seem to have a clear and reasonable head on you - it's completely natural to be struggling - maybe all you can do at the moment is accept that this is a challenging time for you & ride the waves of emotions as best you can & just be really really kind and gentle to your self. It's great that you appreciated this beautiful day & went for a run - probably the best thing you can do - great! More of that sounds good to me! Loads of love & hugs xxxxx

[Emalou71 in reply to Grace123]

Thank you Grace123 I'm really trying to keep the emotions in check but finding it a bit of a challenge, will be fine once I've spoken to my boss I'm sure then I can just get the scan done and just go with it xxx

[Grace123 in reply to Emalou71]

The not knowing's tough - wishing you all the best

xxx

[valeriel]

Maybe the oncologist is just being cautious and thinks that it is best to do the next level of check to find out if anything is happening. Having said that, I know you must be very anxious. I can make myself anxious just thinking about what it must be like. It would seem that you have no other symptoms and are fit and well so lets hope that bodes well. My oncologist is one that doesn't do blood tests or scans unless I have some symptoms. With that in mind I am hoping that your CA is either a blip or one of those readings that doesn't necessarily mean that it is back. And if everything comes back OK, your boss and the 30 people will be delighted, I'm sure. Keeping everything crossed and hoping for a good outcome on Thursday.

Val x

[Emalou71 in reply to valeriel]

Thank you so much xxxx

[Eleni]

Thinking of you Emalou.......don't worry about anyone else but you. Easier said than done I know, but you are what is important. Take care. x

[Emalou71 in reply to Eleni]

Thank you, just feel so bad about the worry this nasty thing causes my little family xxxx

[Hitchmo]

I wish I had some amazing advice for you, but I just want to say that I'll be wishing you all the best. I'm the sort of person who'd get very stressed about the work situation as well, but as I must remind myself sometimes, in the grand scheme of things work isn't nearly as important as your health, or peace of mind for you and your family. I hope you all have good news to share on Thursday. Best wishes, Kerry xx

[Emalou71 in reply to Hitchmo]

Thanks Kerry, I had a chat with the boss and he was great, I'd got really worked up over it and he was like don't worry about cancelling etc get yourself right etc etc was a huge relief I think it's the pressure we put on ourselves. Scan tomorrow then wait for results x

[Hitchmo in reply to Emalou71]

Hi there, I've been off the forum for about a week but you have been in my thoughts. I am hoping by now you've had results off your scan and it wasn't bad news? Sending you all best wishes, with fingers and toes all crossed for you xx 

[Emalou71 in reply to Hitchmo]

Hi Hitchmo, that's so lovely thank you 😀 I got the results Monday afternoon feeling a bit lost really my ca125 is on the rise but my scan was clear, my oncologist explained that "it's" back but we just can't see it. She believes it will present itself soon enough and then back on treatment. The term I'm using is what a head f@#€ how do we even begin to work this one out, one hand yay no treatment the other is when will it show how will I know what if it shows tomorrow I've not got a scan for 8 weeks?? 

I'm adjusting to the news that I'm living with cancer and no longer NED. Found yesterday a bit tough but dealing with it now, just feels surreal xxxx

[Hitchmo in reply to Emalou71]

Gutted to hear this. So sorry -- I'm genuinely devastated for you. I will say this -- it sounds like your oncologist is on the ball and you will have some kind of strategy in place -- I imagine there's got to be a reason why the next scan isn't for 8 weeks? But what limbo you're left in, in the meantime. Are you basically going to continue working, watching & waiting? And trying to get your head around it? Sending you all my best wishes and a big hug

Kerry xx 

[Emalou71 in reply to Hitchmo]

Hi kerry 

I had a moment Monday but I'm okay now went to work as normal this week and have explained to my nearest and dearest what's going on. She wants to scan in 8 weeks to see if it can be seen so we can get ball rolling on some treatment to deal with it. Feels strange that I look and feel fine but the bugger is fizzing away somewhere ready to cause mayhem. I'd heard of watch and wait and guess this is it? How are you doing? 

Xxxx

[Hitchmo in reply to Emalou71]

Good morning,

Yes, I suppose 'watch and wait' is about the size of it. I'm so impressed with how you're handling it. It must be such a surreal feeling. Will you have the CA125 monitored again before the 8 weeks are up? 

I'm doing okay, thanks. I'll have my first follow-up around the same time as your scan, and now it's just a matter of getting my strength back and trying to remember what "normal life" was before all this! I'll be keeping you in my thoughts! xxx

[Emalou71]

Thank you 😊 we have opted not to do a ca125 until just before the scan as the oncologist felt it could add stress knowing what the number is especially if it's jumped she said I would get the result when I get the next scan results. And Im quite happy with that but after last scan I did seem to suffer a bit with scanciaty so happy to not have the number to add to the stress. I will keep everything xd for you with the next scan hoping it's all good please do let me know mine is 12th May (etched in brain lol) I know what you mean with term normal after everything that's happened to us, I call life now the new normal and explain it as it's what I deem as normal as i found it hard to get the old normal back. Have a wonderful Easter weekend, be kind to yourself xxxxx

[Hitchmo in reply to Emalou71]

Sounds to me like a really good plan. Happy Easter to you as well - take good care & update me soon please xxxx