Results..

Hi ladies. Well it's good news (I think) got phone call on my mobile from surgeon at 7pm last night with borderline diagnosis. I was expecting borderline and I know I should be happy at the result but to be honest I am numb, I wanted to ask questions but became dumb at the totally unexpected call (was at sisters celebrating her birthday) he said he would see me at my post op check, I pointed out that i do not have an appointment for one (am 3+weeks post op) he said he would arrange one for 6 weeks then follow up at 6months then discharge me, have a good christmas!....why do I feel tearfull, shell shocked even deprived at not being told in a more fitting way ie face to face, when I know I should be glad at the result. Jenny xx

[doodoolatrice]

Morning Jenny, yes it is good news but I totally understand your feelings of numbness and tears. Like you I was also borderline, but the day after I received the news whilst I was still in hospital recovering from my surgery, I fell apart. I had spent weeks putting on a brave face and pretending to everyone that I was coping, so I couldn't understand where all the tears came from. looking back now I know it was a mixture of relief, and all the pent up emotions coming out. My Consultant told me I was borderline just before I was discharged and I went completely dumb and didn't ask the questions I wanted to ask. Bless him though he phoned me at home two days later so I was able to ask questions. He spent a good twenty minutes on the phone speaking to my hubby as well and I was so grateful he took the time out of his busy schedule to ring me. I think the fact that you have been told you're being discharged also has a lot to do with how you're feeling. For weeks your life has been full of hospital appointments and then suddenly that's it, all done and dusted, now it's time to get back to normal, get on with your life. Your feelings are perfectly normal, you've been through a lot and mentally you need time to heal as well as physically. Be kind to yourself and write down any questions you want to ask when you go for your post op check up. Having a borderline diagnosis is a wonderful Christmas present. Take care, Kerry x

[Hidden in reply to doodoolatrice]

Thank you Kerry. Just like you I have put on a brave face to everyone, having waited over 3 weeks for definitive result I have probably kidded myself I can cope, I was grateful he took the time to ring but I was annoyed with myself for clamming up...I think I would have been in control if I was at home when I got the call. Have tried some retail therapy today to cheer myself up but keep welling up when I think about it..tommorrow is no 2 sons birthday so will have to get my head in order before then

[doodoolatrice in reply to Hidden]

Bless you, because you were at your sisters celebrating her Birthday it would have been difficult to talk. As you think of questions you want to ask, write them down. Retail therapy is good as long as you don't overdo it. You will get your head together but it will take timel you've been through a big trauma. Kerry xx

[Decca4Ever in reply to Hidden]

I'm the opposite to you. I'm still on a high at getting my borderline diagnosis because my local hospital had clearly written me off. (The Team Secretary rang me and told me I was being transferred to a specialist hospital. I asked about surgery - at that point, I was more worried about messing up everyone's holiday plans - and she said no surgery, she was afraid it would be chemo.)

This being rung up out of the blue business is awful. I was up a ladder cutting the hedge at the time. Had to ring her back - I just couldn't take anything in. I'd much rather a face to face encounter. And it wasn't urgent. I had two weeks to wait before my appointment at the teaching hospital. Or necessary. All she had to say was I was being transferred because of the size of the tumour - I knew it was big, NICE guidelines or whatever. And a secretary!

As you can tell, even with my diagnosis, I'm obsessing a bit! So perhaps I'm not so different from you after all. I'm sure everyone here can relate to the mental trauma. It takes as much out of you as the physical stuff.

Do what you need. Have a good cry. Then enjoy your Xmas. We are so lucky!

Sue

[Seachell]

Oh Jenny u have been given another chance at life! Doctors see so many patients that you and I are just numbers to them! So sorry about your pain and feeling of being put aside! Let us here luv on u and make u feel whole again! Keep up the great work! U will be in my prayers! Much ❤️ Sent your way!

Always, Michelle

[Hidden in reply to Seachell]

Thank you michelle. Am brighter today merry Christmas, hugs Jennyx

[Hidden]

Thanks for your message Sue. Have read what you have been through it must have been awfull at the time, I can see why you were so high getting your result. My high was actually getting a date to have my op! It has taken from 20 th April when I first went to my doctor to yesterday to get my diagnosis It has taken a lot out of me trying to think positive the whole time and put on a smiley face to everyone, ironically now I can it seems harder...( the mind is certainly complex) Am feeling better today and I'me sure once I get post op appointment and ask all my questions I will feel like celebrating..I feel guilty even thinking as I am as so many ladies on this site are going through far far worse that I have been through and will be thinking if them as they continue their journeys.

Wishing all a merry Christmas, cyber hugs to you all love Jennyx

[Hidden]

If this continues to get you down, why don't you follow the advice of writing down your questions and give the CNS or, if you've not got one, the consultant's secretary and ask for another quick phone call as you were rather caught on the hop....? You don't want this weighing on you through the holidays and spoiling what looks like very good news.....xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for replying, am feeling better today it's my 'babies' birthday ( he's 39) but still my baby lol! Have been writing my questions down ready for post op appointment. Not got of to a good start today but have had to smile to myself, while putting a pack of dried stuffing into a jar the bag broke and quite a bit went all over the kitchen, after cleaning that up went to put it in the pantry and the lid came off, the jar dropped and the contents went into every nook and cranny! Now have a clean and reorganised pantry... the day can only get better :-)) happy Christmas love Jennyx

[Hidden]

Of course its daunting being told over the phone and then again you werent at home when you got the call, so you had that restriction on questions and answers. But they dont treat borderline as there is nothing to treat so that is good. You will probably feel happier when the appointment comes out in the post with a definite date for a check up. Oh dear then you had a muddle this morning but maybe it was good therapy to get a job done and I bet you did it very well if you are anything like me, stress gets me into cleaning mode. Hope you have a nice birthday with your son, its great to celebrate with him and enjoy the day. Have a lovely Xmas and stay strong

[Hidden]

Thank you Suzuki. Have felt better as the day has gone along. Just about to go see our son, he's been at work so have had to wait till he comes home. Also waiting to hear from 2nd grandson to see if he has passed his driving test today.. Keeping everything crossed for him! Pantry is looking much more organized found all those out of date things lurking in the back am sure I had a recipe for those cardomon pods I bought pre 2001....still sealed but now in the bin lol. Have a lovely christmas love Jennyx