Soooo having been through the ups and downs of is it isn't it Ive had confirmation that the cancer is back. Just about to have a Picc Line fitted and then back on the merry go round of seeing if it works. Emotions all over the place, thoughts of wil I see Xmas? Will I be here this time next year? Cant even face going to work, pitying glances. I know people mean well and are devastated for me but Id give anything to feel 'normal' again just for 5 mins.... no thoughts of cancer, a life going to be cut short. I know, hopefuly, I will come out of this gloom but at the moment it's all consuming and nothing anyone says offers any comfort. Telling silences when I say to my trial nurse 'this just feels like the beginning of the end, the road to the cemetary'. Wish I could see a glimmer of light but I cant .