looking for some help

[alanadan]

Hi . My name is kaz and I lost my lovely mam to ovarian cancer, she passed away on the 17th October, would like to be able to talk to other families if possible that have been through the same.

[Hidden]

Hi Kaz, I am very sorry to hear of your loss it must be very hard for you. I am sure you did the best you could for your Mam. Sometimes, we wonder why these things happen. I have ovarian cancer have had two rounds of chemo and one round of radiotheraphy and it is now regarded as a chronic illness. I know of others who havent been so lucky and like your Mum fought their best but didnt make it. I would advise you to find a support group in your area, your gp or health nurse or the hospital where your Mum was treated should be able to put you in touch with some one you can actually talk to. Dont shut your friends or family out and again you might find they dont want to talk with you about your Mum. They are not being mean they just feel awkward. If you want to talk back to me on this website, please do so. Just remember your lovely Mam is now at peace no more pain,

[alanadan in reply to Hidden]

Hi there. Thank you for your message and your very kind words. I really hope you will be okay and get through this difficult time and illness. I plan to get in touch with a support group as I feel like I really need it. I know my mam is at peace now and it helps to think that she is now totally free of pain and suffering. she fought her illness with great dognity, courtage and determination and I will always admire her for that and love her to the ends of the earth. I do feel robbed of her though and wish things had of been different & she neber got the illness in the first place. I suppose now its all if's buts and wishing. its a very lonely road at the moment fo me and my family without mam as she was the rock of us all. Time of year doesnt help either I have to say. anyways really nice to talk to you and I really do wish you well. will keep in touch.

[Hidden in reply to alanadan]

Hi Alandan, I know its not easy to lose a parent having lost mine, now having said that there were 84 and 87 and my Mum had a good quality of life up to a few months before she died. She had alzeimhers and fell and while in hospital diagnosed with stomach cancer. She couldnt eat and it was very hard to watch her go. As you say the time of year and the darkness doesnt help at all. Try and get out for a walk walking is good and also talk with your family members. Though I did find my sister my one and only sister put up barriers. You look after your self talk again soon

[alanadan in reply to Hidden]

Ah so sorry about your parents, no matter what age they are , you dont want to lose them. I hope you are doing okay.I hope your sister was able to let down her barriers, it is so important to be able to talk about your grief to people, I know that now. i hope everything is going okay for you with your treatment and you coping okay too. Have you family yourself? My 2 children are keeping me going altough I feel like I am a million miles away when I am around them sometimes. I wish i could fix everything but I cant, all i can do is allow time to go by and hopefully I will except what has happened. I will never ever forget my beautiful mam. I am just asking her each day to get me through the day and I feel she is helping me. I am sure she is worn out with all the requests we ask her for. Really lovely talking to you and I will try the walking a bit more, will do me the world of good.many thanks again for your lovely message.

[geteven in reply to Hidden]

Hi Kaz, I can really empathise with you as I lost my beloved Mum to ovarian cancer (she was my best friend) eighteen years ago. I am an only child and she was all I had, she was always there for me and never let me down... When she was dying she told me firmly that I must not look backwards and to only look forwards and that's exactly what I've done and I will always continue to do so. I remember her sparkling and calm personality and try really hard not to let her down by making time to enjoy my life and to make other people's life as good as possible. My mum is never far away and I don't feel alone. Keep the faith Kaz!

[Hidden in reply to geteven]

Hi geteven, just saw your post now, sorry you lost your Mum also to OC. It must have been very hard without siblings. My Mum died from stomach cancer just before I finished my first chemo regime in 2007. I never told her I was sick, she also had alzheimers and had a bad fall, However, the way I was brought up was stiff, you get on with whatever ails you and I think this has helped me with this cancer. I live with it, just finished treatment again, Tho my Mum was ill, she knew there was something amiss with me. I never mentioned it. But with my hair piece she would say, you talk like my daughter but your hair is different and other times she would ask me why I wasnt at work. She did have lucid periods before her death. I suppose Mothers instinct is alway there. The sad thing is that now Ovarian Cancer is more manageable as a chronic illness and that must be hard for you to take on board. You will always miss your Mum, I do.

[Moyraelan]

Kaz

How are you. Sorry for your great loss of your mother, it is now a very difficult period for you and your family. Would you like to share your journey with us or are you looking for our stories, we are here to share and support you in any way we can. Feel free to write back at any time.

[alanadan]

Hi there, many thanks for your kind message. I was just looking to speak to people that where going through what I am at the moment. Ovarian cancer was so tough for my mam but it was also very tough on the family. to watch my mam in her final weeks was heartbreaking , knowing that we were going to lose her at the end of it all. Just feel like I am going around like a zombie at the moment, missing her so much and questioning everything, lots of ifs, buts and wishing now. we all feel totally robbed of mam, she was a kind, generous, loving and beautiful lady and I really mean lady. I was so blessed to have had her as my mam for the last 41 years. grief is a horrible place to be in and I feel like a big part of me is missing now. Are you suffering from ovarian cancer yourself or have you a family member who is?? thnak you for taking the time to reply to me, really appreciate it. mams journey with Ovarian cancer started in jan 2010 and ended on the 17th October 2012. 2 years and 9 months. Just wished that she never had of got it. She had been through enough heartbreak in her life without getting that aswell. all I can do now is talk to her each day, kiss her photos and light candles for her and my late sister who died from leukaemia 15 years previous to mam. just feel so low today and missing mam & my sister.

[Moyraelan in reply to alanadan]

So so sorry for your great loss, life is so cruel and there's no rational meaning as to why your mother and your family have been dealt such fate, there are no answers and nothing anyone can say to lesson your grief at this moment. As you say part of you is gone but as time goes on you will begin to try and get on with your life and everyday is different. You will in time accept the loss but never forget your mother.

I would love to give you a cuddle to try and make your situation better but remember it will get better, so stick in there and keep your mother and sister close to and imagine what your mother would say on your bad sad days, I'm sure she would reassure and encourage you to get on with your life. I was diagnosed with cancer in2009 and was in remission until nov 2011 when it returned with a vengeance and in struggling since. I too have daughters in their early twenties who are struggling with my diagnosis and prognosis. We will talk again soon. Good night and sleep well.

[alanadan in reply to Moyraelan]

Many thanks for your lovely message to me. I am so sorry to hear that your cancer has returned after being in remission. I pray that you will get through this awful time and your two daughters will be close by you at all times. Please tell your girls that I am thinking about them and if they want to chat to me anytime, feel free. you are right in what you say, life is cruel and there is no rational meaning as to why us as a family have been dealt such fate but like many other families at the moment, we can do nothing about it and I hate that I cant fix it. people tell me that time is agood healer, maybe so and I pray that I can move on with life but you are right, I will never ever forget my beautiful mam. I ask her each day to help me get through another day without her. its only been 5 weeks and to think that I havent hugged her in 5 weeks is killing me. I will continue to ask my mam to look after you and to help you through your illness and please god you will come out okay from this. thank you for the offer of a hug, I could really do with it. please take care of yourself and thanks for taking the time to chat to me. We will keep in touch.

[Hidden]

You must feel cheated reallly, I have ovarian cancer and luckily for me it hasnt spread so far, but it is still in the backgroup. I wish I never got it too but that is life and you see others getting away with murder and think life is so unfair. Look dont question as no doubt you did everthing possible to help your Mum. Dont think doctors know all the answers themselves either, They too learn every day and sometimes their treatment plans dont go the way they want them to go and on the other hand, they get surprises from people they give up on. It is sad to lose two family members to cancer and of course all the memories of your sister keep flooding back too at the moment.