Talk about being on an emotional roller coaster. Diagnosed in May, told it was stage 3. Had 3 chemo went for pre-op assessment yesterday, saw nurse who went off to get something and I glanced at a postit note on top of my file said stage 4. Was in bits and asked the nurse if I was stage 4 she looked in my notes it said stage 3 and she did not know where the postit note came from. The nurse went to ask the surgeon to come and talk to me which she did very nice lady said I was stage 4. Have official appointment with her this Thurs, had CT scan today but feel do not know whether I'm coming or going. Surgeon said is planning to do op said will be major but will not know exactly whats what until she has seen my scan. The reason for the stage 4 I think is that I had a really abdo pain 3 weeks ago and had to go in hosp did a CT scan then of upper abdo and discovered I have gall stones so the onc I think has seen that scan and has revised it to stage 4 because of fluid on one of my lungs surgeon said was discussed at my MDT. Trying to tell myself to stop worrying I knew it comes back for us advanced ladies but feel hopeless to see stage 4 and reading it from a postit note (my poor brain, had a really bad nightmare last night no wonder its like living nightmare when Im awake as only just getting past the denial stage as it is.
Upshot is surgeon has planned to do my op 4 Aug (if she can operate as she was not guaranteeing anything until sees Todays scan which I understand). Realise my post sound ridiculous, feel like it can only happen to me almost wish I could laugh about it might feel better. Hope I sleep better no more nightmares Tonight please. Got scan done Today, so will know what the likely op will involve Thurs and try and take it from there but am scared I will admit. Went to talk to the Macmillan ladies at the hospital made me feel better as its a fact they are looking to treat me not exactly writing me off but the way this week has gone is getting to me. Feel free to comment. The mad thing is I feel really well physically if I did not know whats happening in my body I would not be worrying but thats not an option once they have diagnosed us is it.