Dirty slimy thing...

[LittleClapham]

Sometimes, thanks to years of self-help books and medication, I think (wrongly) that I am 'better' or 'recovered'. It is only when an incident happens that I am forcefully reminded of my OCD's severity. I offered to help the staff at the home where I live take the bins in (which considering they are coated in pigeon deposits is a HUGE step for me!) but when I grabbed the handle there was what I shall call a 'shell-less snail' (just saying the name makes me wretch!) under it! It slimed me, I saw it then screamed! Okay so the screaming was more of a phobic reaction than an obsessive thing but then I had to run into the house and wash my hands for ten minutes! Then even after that I had to put alcohol gel all over them. I could still 'feel' it contaminating my skin even after both these rituals so I had to scratch the area really hard on my pants (trousers to southeners!) until I peeled a skin layer off... eww I know.

Sometimes it is difficult to rationalise with my own brain about how silly something is. It was a flipping shell-less snail after all, not a poisonous deadly creature from the Amazon or something. This is where I think OCD gets complicated. One of my friends described it perfectly. It's like your logical side of the brain says 'it is just a shell-less snail' (I cannot physically write the real name for this creature!) but the OCD part shouts 'YOU TOUCHED IT! YOU'RE DIRTY! YOU'RE CONTAMINATED! WASH WASH WASH NOW!!!! BLEACH YOUR HANDS!!!' Then, to help me even more (sarcasm intended), the Tourette part of my brain shouts 'LICK IT!' Luckily I haven't ever done this, not that it would actually harm me, it would just be disgusting.