Five days ago I was at the bar and I drank too much, and smoked someone’s weed pen, and got very paranoid after.
I shut down and went home, and over the past few days my mind has either remembered awful things I said that I would never mean, or it straight up made the memories up. The memories I have are literally worst case scenarios, essentially imagining or actually saying the worst possible thing I could say, that would hurt the people I love the most. I asked other people that were there that night, and they said I didn’t say anything awkward or out of line, but I never asked the person I remember talking to, because I am terrified of the ramifications if they are actually true.
I’ve struggled with mental health off and on since I was in junior high, but never gotten any help. I know I have intrusive thoughts that I hate.
The saddest part about this is I know I’m crazy now, but I can’t figure out which way without confronting this. I either said things I would never ever mean that I know would hurt the people I love most in this life, or my mind made them up completely. What I really want to do is just run away, but I know I will never fix the problem if I do that. I have to figure out a way to ask the question, without letting the person know I’m probably a crazy person. I can’t even effectively work at my job right now, and it’s going to catch up to me soon if I don’t fix this.
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Whatkindofcrazy
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To begin with, you are not crazy. To have OCD is not to be crazy. It's often easiest to own up to OCD. Most people have heard of OCD, even if they just think it means being too neat and tidy.
It sounds pretty clear that you didn't do anything you oughtn't to, or hurt anybody. Ask the person you spoke to explaining that you have OCD, and if you received reassurance, then just let it drop. Don't keep asking as the more reassurance the more you doubt.
On the whole, people may become noisy, abusive or even violent when drunk, but they don't usually say things they don't mean. So it's not likely that you would have been throwing random insults around.
Lay off the weed. It really can mess with your head and cause paranoia in some people. Do get a referral to a mental health team and get CBT which is very effective with OCD. Also there are self help books that can get you started. And remember that this is something that can be fixed, and that you are not crazy!
Thank you! I talked to the person directly and apparently it was all in my head. I stopped smoking weed, because it started making me feel anxious/paranoid. I don’t know why I hit that pen, but it definitely caused a bunch of negative feelings. I won’t be smoking again anytime soon.
It is cognitive behaviour therapy. It is a way of challenging the way OCD can make you think. In the case of intrusive thoughts, it is a matter of letting them be, and not trying to push them away, and letting them go away of their own accord, while recognizing that they are not true.
It can involve not trying to get reassurance that for example you didn't do anything wrong or harmful while under the influence of drink or drugs. Ask people once, then let it go, and don't go over and over it in your head.
I'm pleased that you have given up the weed. Some people use it without any ill effects, but it can trigger paranoia.
Idk what changed, but I smoked a bunch for years in my early 20’s, and never had any issues. Then it just started making me more paranoid and anxious to the point I just stopped.
Anyways thanks for the help!
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