I feel like I might have some form of OCD (new member)

[grimeschris]

Hi there,

I have been thinking about this a lot for the past year or so now. I get the feeling that I suffer from OCD but I don't want to come across as melodramatic.

I have rituals that I MUST obey to otherwise, I cannot sleep at night. For example, I have to check every room downstairs to make sure all switches are turned off. This usually takes a long time, and I find it difficult to simply look at the switch and think 'Yeah, it's off.' I have to check most switches several times, and/or stare at them for reasonably long periods of time before my brain can understand that a switch is off. I know the switch is off, I can see it, but I have to receive some form of confirmation from my brain for me to move onto the next switch. This also extends to shutting/locking doors and windows.

I also feel the need to explain everything I do in my head. For example, if I chose to complete a particular essay before I started another one, I would need to go through and explain to myself why I have chosen one over the other. Or, if I see a notification on my phone and do not check it immediately, I will need to explain to myself why I have not done so. These are just two examples, but there are lots more.

Furthermore, I have to apologise for absolutely everything I do. This is a must-do when I am explaining things in my head. It is essential that I apologise for, for example, not giving my dog his dinner at precisely 6:30 PM on the dot (which I would also have to explain). The apologising is also prevalent when I make jokes to friends - if, for example, I said that a friend was stupid for not knowing the correct answer to a question, I would have to explain to myself that what I said was a joke, that I was only telling this joke to make people laugh, which would make people happy, which would make their day better, and that I was sorry for telling the joke, and taking the time to explain this all.

At first, these things didn't affect me much, but recently - especially in the last few months - I have begun to generate a lot of self-anger as a result of me not being able to stop these thoughts and rituals. I dread the whole ordeal of checking everything before I go to bed, and it frustrates me to a great extent. It has affected my reading ability too - I struggle with reading textbooks and novels because I have to re-read lots of sentences so I can fully comprehend everything that has been written.

What I want to know is - is this some form of OCD?

Thank you,

Chris