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Got upset and stopped meds

I had a appointment with the consultant at the end of November the first time i had ever seen the consultant. I can honestly say he was the most horrid man i have ever met. He didn't look at me he spoke to my mum. He was not interested in anything that I said. He said he didn't think that there was anything really wrong with me, it was just because I was fat and have diabetes. I came out is shock and cried for 2 weeks. He had made my a appointment with the rhummy nurse in march ant the horrid man in June.

I was so depressed that I stopped taking my mtx and other meds, as i thought why bother as he thinks there nothing wrong. I really don't know what to do now?

I have had a horrid year, lots of time off work due to pain, and now I feel a fraud, like I have made it all up.

16 Replies




Lisa, complain to your hospital about his attitude, you can complain to pals at the hospital they will deal with it for you. Now don't stop taking meds you have been given as that won't do you any good at all. You haven't made it up and don't go thinkng you have. RA is very hard to diagnose and it takes time to find out what is exactly wrong with you.

Don't despair you have come to the right place. love sylvia.xx


Ask your GP to refer you to another consultant and preferably another hospital!// were is this terrible man working?


Hi lisarob,

so sorry you've been through a horrible experience.

I think that autoimmune diseases are quite complicated and unfortunately consultants sometimes find them difficult to understand too. So the rude, insensitive & disrespectful consultant might also have been genuinely unsure about what is going on with you but possibly too arrogant to admit it! You are not alone by a long chalk, I've met plenty of charming or at least nice enough doctors but some unbelievable wallies too! Often their complete lack of social skills makes them amazingly insulting and I don't think they even know they are doing it.

If you can, try to put this unpleasant experience behind you & instead focus on you. You are not a fraud but it sounds as if there is some uncertainty about what is causing your health problems. This is not unusual and it is definitely nothing to be ashamed of! How about holding your head high and going to see your GP? Maybe you have tried that already but you have the right to try again & again until things start to get sorted out. Good luck & don't give up! Luce xx


What a couple of planks! Don't stop yr meds you donkey :o) You're biting your nose off to spite yr face love. I bet more than a good half of us on this forum have come across a complete plank like yr consultant. Get cross yes, but put that into something positive - actually go into PALS in yr hospital, they are really friendly and so kind and they will listen, remember they have to, it's their job hon. By quitting yr meds yr kinda agreeing with this dork. Don't get hung up on what yr probably already sensitive about, ie yr weight, you are you, and weight doesn't exclude you from having a condition, otherwise all of this forum would eat their kitchen larder! or reach for the insulin to solve their problems. So stop beating yrself up chick.

Disrespect is a huge no no, not holding eye contact with you or conversing directly with the patient is really looked down on in the NHS.

First of all complain to PALS

Tell them you want to be transfered to another consultant before your next appointment, or you'll take the matter further.

Ask yr mum for support, to be in the room with you but ask her not to hold eye contact with the next consultant but to look at you instead. This is a powerful silent way to make people address the 'right' person.

Take yr meds immediately.

Believe me, I have dealt with physicians like this before and some are old school and total tossers, but there are great ones out there too, so pick yrself up, dust yrself off and do something positive that will actually help YOU, yr health and yr progress and think to yourself;

I WILL be taken seriously by demonstrating I am an intelligent human being who deserves respect, I will do this passionately if necessary ' but always with humility', thus avoiding my reasons for complaint being used against me.

I have always had to fight like hell to be taken seriously because I looked younger than my years. I am wiser now and it's actually an advantage in some ways. I found I didn't need to change my looks as much as change my attitude and stop playing into their hands!

:o) Tell us how you fair xxx


Thank you, that made me smile xx


What a horrible experience, he should be ashamed of himself. The consultant should also have written to your GP after the consultation, so you could also book an appointment with your GP and ask him or her to explain what the diagnosis is. And at the same time you can explain how awful you found the consultant and ask to be referred to someone else. You really shouldn't have to put up with such mean treatment. but please don't take it out on yourself by stopping taking your meds. the only person that will hurt is you. Polly


Lisa I am really sorry this complete "plank" treated you in this way. Did he actually tell you to stop taking your meds because you didn't have RA or did you not even get that far with him? I too urge you to go and see your GP and not allow this man to make you feel so awful and to take such potentially negative action. If he didn't actually say that you didn't have RA then you really need to see a different specialist and ask whether you are on the right meds for you. Has everything flared up even worse since you stopped taking them? I do hope you can get a bit of distance and turn your hurt into anger and take some action against this useless specimen of a doctor. Tilda


Lisa, It's clearly the best advice you are being given by everyone and I must add my voice too, because you really shouldn't stop your meds. What you are doing by your actions is confirming that he must be right.

Making a complaint is a very simple process and you will be supported and helped through the process. In fact you might well save others from being treated badly by this horrid man.

I'm never one to make a complaint, but I certainly did when I was treated really badly like you, by a gastroenterologist some years ago when I had a swollen painfull tummy. Amongst many awful things he said, he physically tugged at the waistband of my trousers and told me they were too small for me and causing my tummy problems and that all I wanted was a tummy tuck, which he didn't do. This he said through gritted teeth.

All you need do is telephone the complaints office of the hospital, (which has been set up to deal with compaints like yours).You will be talked through the process and supported all the way, but you need to do this as soon as possible whilst you can still recall everything that he did and said.

It took a few months for the complaints office to do their investigations, but eventually I received appologies from The director of Nursing Staff and a couple of other management people, but more importantly a written apology from the consultant himself and he was put on a questionare scheme to keep check on his treatment of patients for 1 year.

Everyone here is concerned for you and I hope you will do the right things to help yourself to get the treatment you deserve and eventually put this awful experience behind you, just as I have mine. Take care of yourself. June xx


I'm involved in a complaint too and am in needless pain. When I meet new doctor on Friday I know I need to focus on getting my treatment sorted out. Once that is done I can complain. You should be able to get to see a different consultant without going through a complicated procedure. Your GP can ask this for you. I hope you can get things sorted. And they're right, your best continuing with mtxate.


Thank you all so much. I know I have a habit of feeling that I need to punish myself. I have made a appointment with a GP that i feel I can talk to and who will listen. Can't get a appointment for two weeks, but I have waited this long.

Wish I had posted before but felt so confused and guilty.

Thank you all for you sound advice, and putting things in perspective xx


I think we can all turn into self-punnishers in this context - it goes with the territory of RA because its invisible and easy to be made to feel rubbish and not believed by doctors. Keep remembering that virtually everyone here has had a similar experience at some stage and hopefully two weeks will flash past and by that time you will feel empowered by all these supportive responses and be able to have a really productive chat with your GP. X


Oh Lisa I really do feel for you, But as the others have said please know that you are not alone in feeling as you do. If I had a pound for every horrible consultant I have seen in the past few years I would be sunning myself on my very own mediterranean island by now! Very recently I had the misfortune to come into contact with - probably - the rudest and most unpleasant consultant I have ever come across. He actually told me to "shush" every time I opened my mouth and, if I hadn't been a) so desperate and b) so shocked I think I would have walked out of his office never to go back again. As for stopping the meds - well I've been there too. I have never actually just gone ahead and stopped everything but I have done some pretty drastic "self management" over the years (including trying to go "cold turkey" on morphine recently) and have sworn never to have anything to do with any kind of doctor ever again more times than I can remember. I know it doesn't actually help you with your situation but I always feel better when I know I am not the only one.

On a more practical note, I think you have done exactly the right thing by booking an appointment with a GP you can talk openly with about how you feel and what has been going on. And I really do hope that he/she will be able to help you work out a plan of action going forward. I know GP appts can be hard to come by and you may not be able to do this for the appointment you have already booked, but I always ask to book a "double appointment" these days which gives more time to discuss complex issues.

One last thought - I don't believe that mtx and other RA/inflammatory arthritis meds are ever prescribed lightly so I can't see there is any way that you would ever have been given them if the docs you saw before believed there was no need.

I don't know if that helps any Lisa, but I am thinking of you and hoping that your GP appointment is a positive one.

Love Tillyx


Hi Tilly,

I helps so much to know that I am not on my own. I used to be a very different person 18 months ago, I seem to have become so much more timmed. My family try so hard to help, but being able to come on here and not have to keep up the front helps so much. I love reading blogs and have got so many great ideas on here. RA for me is such a isolating condition, and you are all a life line. Thank you x x


Hello again Lisa,

I'm glad you are finding the replies helpful- and I think you have hit the nail on the head when you say how isolating RA is. As to be a very different person - I can identify with that too. I knew I had changed as a person as a result of my health issues and the stress that goes with it all, but I was still surprised when a new (non RA) consultant asked my husband the other day whether I was a different person from the way I was 3 years ago. My husband's response was "completely" and then he expained to the consultant what he meant and I just sat and cried. When I related the conversation to my Mum afterwards, I hadn't even got to the end of the explanation when she said exactly the same thing. It just made me realise how bad things have got - I think we just get used to it and don't see it as others do. And I think hospital consultants and other hospital staff need to be aware of the sheer grinding realities of being long-term unwell and the impact it has on our ability to cope. Something which often seems to go unnoticed, in my experience, taking second place to counting hurting joints and prescribing drugs. Sorry, didn't mean to be so negative - I'm really not coping at the moment - but just wanted to say, again, that you really aren't alone in feeling the way you do.

I really do hope you have a positive appointment with your GP Lisa and can get the help you need to move things forward..

Love Tillyx


You re3 not being neditive, just saying it how it is. I feel as if it has taken away me, like I am living a different life, someone elses life. My husband and son both have aspergers so tend to burry their heads and ignore it all. I find myself wanting to scream at them!! My Mum and Dad have been amazing, so supportive but without taking control and patronising.

I feel that Drs and helth professionals only see the medical model, and forget that their is a person with a life under all the crap. We need help adjusting to the new us, as much as just being given a script. The pain I can cope with, the loss of me I cant.

I hope that things improve for you Tilly, talking to you is like talking to me!!!


Lisa x x


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