Had consultant appointment today, second time with this doctor who is new to area so did not see me at my worst when first diagnosed so I feel doesn’t have a point of reference about where I am coming from (although he can read notes, not same as visual memory of patient not being able to stand up straight, unbend fingers etc).
Both times I have seen him I feel he really dismisses my symptoms and both times I have been in tears in the appointment as I don’t feel believed. I have seronegative RA with some non typical symptoms and main ongoing problem now that MTX has reduced swelling and stiffness is constant pain in hands and feet which really affects my quality of life and limits what I can do. I can’t take many of the standard painkillers due to another medical condition and just feel I am being left to struggle without effective help.
Basically he thinks I ‘look’ fine so I have to argue my own case for needing help with pain and what is causing it. It is really depressing and lonely making and is making me totally dread appointments as I go expecting a battle and to have my concerns belittled. Then I am more likely to get upset as I am so wound up already, and then feel he just sees me as a woman who cries easily. He does it politely but sort of flippantly and I feel like a child with no power to affect what happens to me. He doesn’t even look at some joints that I say are giving me pain.
Sorry to go on, I just feel really despairing. I told him it sounds like you don’t believe me, but I am young (40s) and this is really affecting my life including limiting where I can travel for work as can’t stand on trains due to pain. I feel anxious that this is the doctor whose list I am on if this is how it has been for both appointments, as I don’t see myself trusting him or feeling an equal partner in my own health care.