Going to Avoid, What used to Be a Nice Occasion

As some of you know of me, I have had massive difficulties with "so called" friends, I used to go with a group of them about 6 to 8 to a local carvery on Sunday evenings, Well, after weeding through all of them, and their opinions on my illnesses, all are negative, and have Totally the wrong idea on how I can be well, "Fresh Air and Sunshine is all you need Lisa" Give me a break, Anyway, I went for a quick bite the other evening with one of them, that I have shut out of my life, (for my well being) well, he starts on the conversation, this one says..... that one says.... OH and Even so n so thinks so, as we ALL agree" I told him, Stop this conversation Right NOW, and he did, and we chatted about other things, Which brings me to My point, I have received a couple texts today from 2 of them, reminding me that we all me at half six, I can not tell you the anxiety, that came over me the stress level went up, So that was enough for me, to decide this is just a negative situation for me, and am not going to put myself through it, I may have less friends, but the ones I have kept, and they are Quality not quantity, as I was writing, I was thinking of one of them that used to be close to me, and when she had text me earlier, she had a really bad migraine again (she suffers often from them) I thought to myself, How would she take it if (the girls she is bringing to the dinner, who has nothing nice to say about me) how about she said, of It.s NOTHING I get Little Headaches all the time, Just get some Fresh air Cut out The sugar, eat more veg, AS a FELLOW migraine sufferer, This would be as insane as what the Migraine person is saying to me, And yet She still DOES NOT GET IT. Argghh I am Venting, as I am having a hard time with the Ignorance,and the fact that if they cared enough, they would do a little research before they judge . This has come back due to them contacting me again, I have pushed them all away recently, and been much happier for it, I know I need to do this again, even if I spend more time alone.

Lisa xxx

12 Replies

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  • I wish i was living closer and it wouldn't be such a problem. love sylvia.xxx

  • Thanks so much sweetie, Hope you are having a better day, I went through a pain attack last night about an hour after I got home, brought me to tears, it was just all over, a bit better today xx talk to you soon xx

  • I think i'm having a flare as my eyes look like i have been a round with mike tyson they are dark and puffy and i'm sooo tired and i ache. Never mind i have you as a friend. xxx

  • Hi LuckysJoy,

    I was sad to read your blogg & can understand your frustration. I, too am fed up with friends responses & I realise I am becoming more reclusive. My OH will not notice as he would like more time at home!!

    Am sending you a hug & hope you feel more comfortable tomorrow

    love Aligator x

  • Hi Luckys

    Its so hard isn't it to come to terms with RA never mind having your friends not understand what you are going through.I think you have tried your best to explain the situation so they either for me, dont want to understand as it would be too hard for them or dont want to understand as it doesn't affect how they feel. Maybe they are a bit well...shallow?!, the sort of fairweather friend that sees you on good days and blank out the bad. Maybe they are too introverted towards their own happiness and not willing to see someone in pain or maybe as you have gone through the quantity and accepted the quality, they were really just friends of friends.

    I have had this type of thing over the years with changes in friendships eg when i had the children the others dropped us for and I quote " you will be going downhill now", When I got RA I developed a, what me and my hubby called the "terminal", friend who seemed to appear when someone got ill to "help" them starting visiting me!!aaaargh I did laugh in the end.

    I also hate the "jealous wife" type friend who gets upset when you are on a table with a group of friends and they all go to dance, you are left with the hubby and then when they are dancing they are eyeing you up to see if you are talking! I ask you, wouldn't have their weird guys even if they paid me!!lol

    Then there is the glamorous friend who visits dressed like Joan Collins or something when I said to just drop round for coffee but I'm only just getting up,(U know RA mornings!!) But they come in wearing Prada and smelling of Chanel.

    Then the one who brings the kids, cute as they are, they tear up cushions, bang into anything breakable and get chocolate on the couch, whilst she is trying to say kind things to help me with the RA!!! Ye I'm really concentrating on what she is saying!!!

    Another one who everything you say she interprets as being rude? eg I like your dress, answer," what do you mean, you dont like it do you, you think i look to young in it", etc etc, I'm always worn out after that session ha ha.

    So its nice to have mates, keep the close ones close and your enemies even closer ha ha oh and dont go if you are not enjoying it, lifes too short as they say!!

    Thinking of you lol

    Axx

  • Hello Allanah,

    Thank You so much for your story, gosh did it make me giggle, well I am back from the dredded dinner, No I wont go again, What a bunch of phoneys Mwah, Mwah, how are you Lsa, Yeah ! Like you really CARE !!!! One said something about how I never get in touch, i said well when I do ur always busy, besides, after waiting 5 weeks, I had to sit on the floor, put my legs into the shower to try to shave them, Because last week you said you would text me to let me know where you have an opening to fit me in, OHHH I didnt hear you,, I said, well I asked you last Sunday, she Oh You know how it is and I am dealing with these bad headaches, She Why didnt u text me, Me: I did you never returned, even when i text again to see if u got the message, I didnt get any message she says, So I show and read aloud the message, so everyone doesnt think I am insane as well as Ra and Fibro, So Yeah, I am FED UP, with all but 2 of them, and I can always say to that couple, lets have coffee or lunch sometime, when they are down in Cornwall as they live in Sussex,

    Thanks to all for listening tomy rant, AND especially for being here, it Means soooo much, as I know many of you agree XXXX

    Lisa

  • Hi, just wanted to say that some people really aren't worth the energy we have to spend putting up with them!

    I have, on occasion, when asked how I am by people who don't actually give a monkeys about anyone but themselves, replied...

    Well, now that I am on Chemotherapy, I hope my hair isn't falling out. But do tell me about your problems!

    It's not really a lie. MTX can be used as chemo, in very large doses!

    If I feel more polite I lie that I am absolutely fine thankyou. Then I totally overdo the sympathy for them. Oh you poor thing, that must be so dreadful for you. And they never pick up on the irony! LOL.

  • Hello Phoebe,

    WoW, Loved the first sentence, then i carried on Reading, and loved it all, speak of Irony, I am only up to 10.0 MTX and Wednesday I go up to 12.5 for 2 weeks. then 15 for 2 weeks all the way to 20 so far, anyway, My Hair is already coming out but they dont know that but I will keep what you wrote firmly in my head, Just in case. (If you dont mind my borrowing it)

    Lisa XX

  • Yes I'm like you Phoebe - it's fun sometimes to let people tell you about their minor ailments. The other day I gave someone a lift and she announced "I think I've got that thing you've got - arthritis of some sort?" and then she showed me her fingers that looked perfectly normal and her heel which looked perfectly normal and then she said that she had read all about RA and decided it must be that her GP thought she had. So I asked if the GP had referred her or taken blood and she said "no but I could be sero-negative I think?" and I just gave up at that point I confess. She isn't hobbling, she looks fine and she hasn't got to cope with our smelly chemo drug so I'm not going to fret for her - I'm still the only RAer in the village and wouldn't wish all this on anyone not even my worst enemy anyway!

    And MTX may be used in much higher quantities for chemo but it's not used for years and years so we probably have far more of it in our systems after a year or two than cancer patients do.

    Lisa I think you need a radical overhaul of your friends! TTx

  • Hello Tilda

    This has really helped tonight to read sincere comments, That come from people who know me because they Live Me, and I appreciate the kind words from all, Thanks for listening, I was so Blue and weepy when I came in, which also exacerbated My pain from the RA and Fibro, I just cried, But all of you have helped, and I will sleep at peace , tonight at least about the bull shit that the naysayers throw my way .:)

  • I have more friends on here than i do at home,so what does that tell you about the people i have around me. love to you lisa.xx

  • Oh hunni I feel for you. I am a loner, always have been. But occasionally you find someone you think 'yeah I like this person, they could be a friend' and you find they are fairweather! Unfortunately over the last few years there have been a few storms so I've lost friends over time. But I am reassured the ones I do have are trusting and good natured. I think people who aren't showing you the respect and time you nEed should remember life is full of downturns which can affect anyone!!!! I hope your 'friends' never need a shoulder to cry on. I am also a great believer in being true to yourself, if they are making you unhappy you won't miss them!

    Take care and I hope the situation gets better xx

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