Sorry I've not been about for a few days. We changed our broadband from BT to Sky and BT cut the line on Friday when they should have left it going until today!
I'm feeling really out of sorts at the moment. The normal really positive me seems to have disappeared and left a tearful wreck in her place. I'm waiting to start on Cimzia after failing on Enbrel and then an unsuccessful attempt on Humira so that is probably not helping. I feel constantly fluey and completely knackered. I think I may be in the early stages of the menopause so that doensn't help either.
R is spending long hours in the new office and I'm alone at home for most of the day. Even when he is here, he's working so I still hardly see him. I know he's working hard trying to make a success of his new venture and I hate myself when I get short with him but he and I used to work together from home until he started this new business with his family and now I'm so lonely - and bored! The boys are all out virtually all the time and who can blame them. I'm not exactly much fun being around at the moment. Probably why R is steering clear as well!
The house is a tip - constantly. I just look around and want to cry. R and the boys do their best but with the best will in the world, their idea of housework is shoving everything in a cupboard so you can't see it! Even when they load the dishwasher, I end up having to wash it all by hand because they don't load it properly so it doesn't wash. - and don't get me started on the bathroom! I don't want a spotless house but reasonably clean would be nice. I don't think they really truly understand just how hard it is for me. I know it's partly my fault as I always put on a brave face. Neither my family nor R's know just how bad it can be sometimes and I absolutely hate asking for help.
My beloved dog Tag died last September and R went out and bought me a puppy the very next day. I love her to bits but she's such hard work. When she was 8 months old, the RSPCA rang us and asked us to take on another one who was being abused. We couldn't turn her away and a temporary arrangement has turned into a permanent one. They are adorable and I love them so much but it's like having toddlers in the house again. On top of that, because there's now two of them I can't walk them anymore and I really miss that. Tag and I used to walk along the seafront and sit for a while looking out to sea. Because she was old, she was happy to amble along beside me. These two go at 100 miles an hour!
Last night, as I drifted off to sleep, I actually hoped that I wouldn't wake up. How awful is that? My kids would be devastated but I'm just so very very tired....
Sorry to ramble on. Thanks for listening. It helps just knowing that there's someone to listen to my rantings.