Life is not a rehearsal you know...live every day as if it was your last...there's always someone worse off than you...all very positive mantras and most of the time I can live by them. However lately I have started to realise that maybe I have to be less selfless. I have spent my life caring for other people..physically emotionally and sometimes psychologically and felt guilty if I didn't continue to do so. Infact even writing that I feel guilty...guilty that I am prepared to let go of that responsibility..guilty that I cause worry to others by having this awful disease..guilty that I am now the person having care given to..the list goes on and on. How easy is it really to just let go of your old life and embrace another? One which doesn't involve catering for the family with sometimes 14 round the table..ferrying kids to various practices/events...providing lavish dinner parties to friends and always the one who organises the get togethers and social gatherings. How do you say..'no actually I can't bake 30 cakes for the stall and then man it from 8am onwards'....How do you say to someone that you are so exhausted by doing regular day to day stuff that it has wiped you out for the next day too and you need to rest for a whole day..yes a whole day! I am beginning to practise the word NO but have to admit I fail miserably to actually utter it on most occasions.Given that my new selfless actions haven't actually started yet and I have almost put myself off by writing this it doesn't bode well does it!!...
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