the constant battle to DO something....

[mohikan22]

Hello all... "just a get it off my chest"..... when my RA kicks in it BUGS the life out of me.... im with my loving partner and am ALWAYS willing to help out.. im NOT selfish.. i hate that.. i believe in DOING MY BIT.. however RA rears its ugly head and the pain can be tolerable..but ALWAYS there.. constant.. slowly radiating from a central point to the whole area...my better half says "rest..sit down.. ill do it..." but i cant.. so of course it gets aggravated....i take the painkillers.. but im now annoyed at myself for being useless! unwanted.... cast aside.. i know she doesn't mean it in that way no do the kids when they offer to get me a drink or bring in the dinner etc etc..if i sit down.. i fell bad.. guilty.. what can i do???? please?

[dtech]

I can understand how you feel. I too felt useless as wasn't able to do the things I used to. I hope you get the medication sorted and it improves things.

[jeanjack]

Hi mohikan22. I think a lot of people feel the same way as you do when an RA flare hits. You feel angry because it stops you from doing the things you want to do and being the person you want to be. I can understand that. When a flare hits me ( which thankfully is not often and shows itself as fatigue ) my husband will help me with the cooking and ironing etc and tells me to go and rest. I appreciate the help he gives and he feels he is supporting me through the difficult days. So I think what I am saying to you is accept the bad days and accept your family's help. It is their way of showing that they love you and want to make things easier for you during your flare. They know you are not selfish and always do your bit when you are well so try not to get angry with yourself and your family when they try to help. Be thankful for it.

You do not say what medication you are on or how well controlled you are normally but if you are getting a lot of flares it may be that you need a review of your RA and meds.

Best wishes.

[allanah]

Yes it's the worst thing, the loss of control, the loss of independence and the feeling of uselessness.

But I have found the more I fight a flare the longer it takes to clear up, so rest and take your meds and you'll find you are back to helping soon xxxx

[oldtimer]

Most people like to help others. It makes them feel good - as long as it isn't exploited.

I, too, find it very difficult to accept help, but I remind myself each time how good it makes ME feel when I can help someone else, so that I don't feel so bad about taking help.

And always give you thanks, even if someone says you don't need to. Without acknowledgement, the giver feels taken for granted and resentful.

One of the most difficult parts of a long-term illness is the loss of ability to be independent of others - but when you think about it we are all dependent on others. What would we do without our water supply, our fuel supplies, sewage and rubbish collection? The supply chain that brings food from producer to our house. Everywhere around us are examples of our dependence on others.

[Hidden in reply to oldtimer]

Described exactly how we all feel.

[Hidden]

Hi mohikan 22

I can empathise with how you are feeling and believe many of us using this site feel the same way at times. It is very difficult to adapt to the changes which face us but like many people have advised on other posts, we need to listen to our body and rest when we feel we need to and accept the help offered to us. Our families and friends will not fully appreciate how we are feeling but they will know you well enough to know

that you would not just sit back and allow them to do everything if you were able to help. You are not useless or unwanted, you just need to rest and recharge those batteries, this phase will pass and, hopefully, before you know it you will feel more like yourself and able to help out. Chin up. Best wishes.

[petalnumber2]

Hello, I totally understand your discomfort at having to rely on your family and others for support when you are in pain and discomfort, but it does sound as though they are willing and enjoy looking after you. The fact that you feel bad about your predicament tells me that you are usually hands on around your family.

I echo allana and oldtimer's comments to you, so take the opportunity to rest and get through your painful time more quickly and then you will be able to do your bit. All the best, June x

[gracie47]

Completely understand what you are saying life seems to be a constant balancing act ;working as much as possible but not so much that i make myself ill, trying to keep active and get out with the kids and dog but not overdoing it very frustrating. Can carry on a normal life but always having to be aware of keeping this balancing act going to stay well.It's certainly a challenge and like you i hate taking help or sympathy from anyone. The right meds helps i don,t have as many flares so might be worth checking if anything new you could take.

[mohikan22]

thanks for the replies...I'm glad I'm not alone..sometimes feels it....I'm currently only on folic acid 7.5mg prednisone and mtx. The doc wants to see an inflammation so he can scan it...but like I say. .when is severe enough.....difficult to judge aha