Oh my word : Hey guys So really trying of late to be... - NRAS

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Oh my word

Gottaloveastaffy profile image

Hey guys

So really trying of late to be positive but I am really really struggling

I’m in a vicious circle of tiredness and stiffness

I’m starting work and getting through the day but then am so tired and can’t be bothered to cook or don’t fancy what I’m meant to be cooking !!

Then we have a takeaway and then I don’t enjoy it I’ve eaten it because I need to eat and feel bad as trying to lose weight

Then I’m so freaking tired that I am bed by 8:00 /8:30

I’m feeling so miserable right now as just am getting up to work and nothing else

My husband had his Brain hammorahge and so also suffers from mega fatigue. He is not able to work currently

We’ve moved house and stuff needs doing and I just feel like everything is falling apart around me

The plan was to move and have no mortgage and somewhere smaller so easier to maintain but now we only have my salary which is minimum lol I’m not up there with the management and organisers of the world

I’m so so worried and today I have just felt dreadful and don’t really know what to do or where to go I came to bed at 8 and am just upset

If I felt better it would be ok

I’m just feeling sorry for myself I guess as we seem to have had blow after blow and we have always worked so hard and now it all seems pointless

I’m sure I will wake up tomorrow with a fresher outlook xx

Thanks for listening everyone x sorry to go on xx better out they say 😊 just been an awful day 😩

Sorry guys I just don’t really

20 Replies
Deeb1764 profile image
Deeb1764

Sending hugs as bad days just overwhelm. I won’t add to the noise but try to sleep and maybe tomorrow work up a plan of priorities and maybe just do things that you have to do. Some things can wait x

Tangerine25 profile image
Tangerine25

I just read your post and I feel for you and your husband 💕.

I hope he recovers from his brain hemorrhage without any permanent sequels, it must have been so scary for both of you.

It’s okay to not be okay, to feel down, frustrated, angry, and unable to cook homemade meals. It’s also very difficult to lose weight when you are very stressed out and in a flare. You deserve to be gentle to yourself. When it’s too overwhelming, one step at a time. I know it’s much easier to say than to do. Pacing yourself is the key. I am learning to do so.

Have you talked to your rheumatologist about your current flare? Maybe you need an adjustment of medications. Sleeping is a very helpful medicine to help you recover from a flare (that coupled with your medications too of course.)

Sending you warm hugs and wishing you the best 💕xx

Mmrr profile image
Mmrr

I hope you have a good sleep and feel a bit better tomorrow.

sylvi profile image
sylvi

Oh my darling you really are suffering. Sending you loads of hugs from a fellow sufferer. xxxx

ruth_p profile image
ruth_p

I think you need to speak to your rheumatologist as soon as possible because your medication clearly isn’t working effectively enough. Maybe a low dose of antidepressants would help lift your mood which will then make you feel better in general.

Have you thought about food prepping? You could make all your meals at the weekend and freeze them. Then all you have to do is heat them up. You could batch cook several things then you could have them over a couple of weeks.

Good luck 🤞

janmary profile image
janmary

Perhaps a little time off work to take a deep breath and concentrate on post- move sorting? You’ve both had major life events with moving on top - no wonder you’re weepy. Have a weep and a rant then have a treat Hoping today the world looks brighter 🌈

Thanks everyone for your support x I really appreciate your comments xxx 😘

No wonder you feel tired with all the weight of whats been going on in your life.

Dont they say moving is one of the great stressor of life (along with divorce etc)? Plus you've had to move house when physically its so hard (i would be as useful as a jelly !).

I know alot of people say be kind to yourself but its true, you've had so much stress all at once, im surprised you can get up for work.

If you can't take a few days off of work I would just accept at the moment its takeaways,don't beat yourself up about it then on the weekend if you can I would meal prep (as post above mentioned) and set yourself up for next week. Get a slow cooker or something, or meals thats don't take much cooking.

With whats happened to your husband you have so much pressure on you, the stress is going to make your RA kick off again, its trying to break the cycle and make your life easier.

This sounds extreme but my dad has a hot meal delivered everyday (arranged via council) and they do a service for people who have just come out of hospital and just need a temporary help, its always a healthy balanced meal, even if it was just for your husband ? Its not just for OAPs x

If you ever need a chat im here xx

You take care

Sheila_G profile image
Sheila_G

You must be kind to yourself when you are feeling like this. We all know how you are feeling and have all felt the same way. Have a good rest and things might pick up tomorrow

CripLady profile image
CripLady

Morning. Sorry it’s all too much atm. Small steps. Take a couple of weeks leave if you have it, or get a sick note for a couple of weeks. You are not invincible. You are a person! Too many things at once is overwhelming for everyone. Your GP should have a ‘social prescribing service’ which can signpost you to services like ‘meals on wheels’. You can get frozen meals you can just zap in the microwave/ heat in the oven, or M&S do a healthy balanced range.. I always used to get the salmon and new potatoes…

Even just a few as back-ups so you know they are in the freezer. Batch cook when you have the energy. Pot of lamb stew/ tray of chicken thighs/ a bolognese/ soup… just things that you can portion out and freeze.

I bought a soup maker which is great… you just put things in and it whizzes and cooks (lakeland.. though very heavy)..

Buy fruit and nuts and yoghurts for nibbles so you are getting some nutrients in.

Room at a time house-wise. I’m decorating atm, and am doing a wall a week!!

Do ESSENTIALS and leave everything else. Who cares.. you’re the one who writes the lists.

Re: sleep… That’s good.. Sleep is a great healer. Embrace it xxx

And lastly, CHOCOLATE 😎…

Also! baked potatoes are a life saver…easy peasy and comforting x

stillsdisease profile image
stillsdisease

A lot on your plate, sounds like you need some help.Make a list and find a way to address the top three items , it will ease your stress level. Sounds like batch cooking will help time wise, health wise and save money which could be used to pay towards resolving another issue, maybe pay for some odd jobs in the house to be done or have the house or even one room cleaned.

Also speak to your GP and tell them you’re not coping and need help.

Sorry to be firm with my advice but help us out there, you just have to ask. You can do it! 😀

CripLady profile image
CripLady

To add to above, when I moved I paid for a deep clean and also to get everywhere decorated. Expensive, but SO worth it. X

springcross profile image
springcross

You've had so much on your plate lately so I'm not surprised you're feeling the way you are, especially having to work too. It's easy for me to say I know but don't worry about the stuff that needs doing, it will get done eventually, take a step back and concentrate on yourself and hubby for now, all the rest is secondary. I hope you feel better very soon, all the best to you both. x

Boxerlady profile image
Boxerlady

So sorry to hear what you're having to cope with - you really are amazing to be doing what you are. I think that the only way for now is probably to do the minimum you actually HAVE to and try to ignore the rest.

I was very lucky when my husband had a stroke in that I was able to be signed off from work and we had enough support from his job (well-paid sick leave) and from a charity linked to our profession not to need to worry about finances so I didn't start working again until nearly a year after his stroke.

I presume that there aren't any options for you to be signed off and get sick pay? I was surprised when my GP suggested it as I wasn't actually ill (although struggling with anxiety bought on by the stress of caring for him and my elderly Mum) but she said that it wasn't a problem - and this was pre-RA!

Easy catering (great suggestions already) and ignoring everything but the most basic housework is the way to go; unpacking and sorting out the house can wait! I remember my husband's fatigue after his stroke and came to realise that it was important for his recovery for him to rest as that's when the body (and particularly the brain) starts to heal; I had to convince him of that too and it was easier to persuade him if I wasn't rushing around trying to do everything but could sit quietly and read or knit while he slept.

allanah profile image
allanah

I feel for you, I found when RA is bad everything else takes a back seat . I became practical !!! lol, got a cleaner, organised tesco premade food deliveries for a few weeks( they do a low fat healthy eating range) and made sure I kept my mood up with music. It will pass x

Amandaazz profile image
Amandaazz

Hiya...I can relate. My husband had a brain tumour 8 years ago and hasn't worked since, so it is all down to me to keep the the wheels turning. I started a new job in June and haven't been to work since the 12th October. Just been diagnosed with RA since the 25th October. I am also his carer (thankfully not for personal care). Its tough. But the only thing I can say is that when the bad times come, always think of the positive times, even if it is a small memory that makes you smile and remember there are good days or good things in amongst it all and they will happen again. And so what if you are going to bed early? What is early for some is late for others. The tiredness makes you feel you may be wasting your life, but let's face it, generally what else would you be doing? I just go with it and don't feel guilty about it. No one has oodles of energy ALL of the time 🤗 even toddlers and teenagers get tired!!

kellymomcars profile image
kellymomcars

Morning sweetheart. Seems to me that you have been "keeping all the balls up in the air" for a while, so of course you have a right to be done in and used up. Being a caregiver is a tough job -- especially when you need some caregiving yourself. For me, asking for help and showing weakness is so very very hard. Be kind to yourself and try not to be such a harsh judge of what you are feeling. Maybe treat yourself to one thing that gives you pleasure. For me, it's been fancy coffee every Friday morning with my beautiful daughter, and a bubble bath on Sunday night while I read. (Okay, so that's 2 things... I'm worth it) And, these ladies here are so wonderful, aren't they?

Blodynhaul profile image
Blodynhaul

Dear G, admire you for getting out your feelings, really feel for you and sadly can't offer answers, only to wish so much that you feel better, then consequently feel better to deal with things. Empathise with you greatly. My situation a bit similar, my RA so bad this year I can't do any work (or barely anything else either) & my partner chronically ill - he's more a carer for me now than it was the other way round! such a worry, easy to worry about how to cope & the future etc. Pain is the worst thing for me (then stiffness & weakness). I have hope the new treatment (a Jak) will help, then things may seem brighter, but otherwise it's day-to-day. Like you, can't cook/eat properly etc. Although feel for your situation so much, but you're 'helping' me to not feel alone in that way - so 'thanks!. Hmm! Hope tomorrow is brighter X

Pippy25 profile image
Pippy25

Sorry I am only just reading this and wanted to send some supportive wishes out to you. Things can just get so overwhelming at times and it's hard to know which direction to turn in. So I'm glad you were able to tell us, Take care xx

Thankyou everyone for your ideas and support xx it really is appreciated 💕

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