Funeral or not?

[Sheila_G]

Hi all. I am in a dilemma. My cousin has been very poorly over the past weeks and I have kept in touch with her and her family. She has now passed away and I will be invited to the funeral. I won't be going as funerals are now open to all as weddings are. My problem, as you will appreciate, is how to tell the family. I can't lie so I don't want to make anything up. They are not aware of my medical situation and I don't want to make it about me at this very difficult time for them. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[Fra22-57]

I would go to be honest.They are not small enclosed places.You can sit at the back or separate and don’t have to go back for refreshments.We can’t keep away from people for ever but just live as best and safely as we can.I still only meet up with family occasionally but with my sisters it is every two weeks to take flowers and pay our respects at our mother’s grave then we have lunch together. One now has breast cancer awaiting radiotherapy after her operation so we lave a lateral flow test before we meet and after.You can get these free from the chemist.

[Sheila_G in reply to Fra22-57]

Thank you for your comments.

[sylvi]

Go and wear a mask and lie a bit and say you have a bit of a cold and you don't want to pass it on. Masks are now common place so they won't think anything about it darling. xxxx

[Sheila_G in reply to sylvi]

Thank you Sylvi.

[Deeb1764]

My Step Dads funeral had so much space so I felt very comfortable and people were aware of their space. The seating was done well and the door left open for fresh air etc. Hoowever they might also have a link to watch the funeral live which we did for our Step Dad and so many people watched it this way and felt part of the day. x

[Sheila_G in reply to Deeb1764]

Thank you for your reply.

[happytulip]

You've made the decision to not go and that is to be respected.

As for telling the family, if it were me I would just be very honest. Explain that you are sincerely sorry for their loss and would very much like to pay your respects. However, due to your own personal circumstances you are unable to attend due to the risk to your health and I would say that this has been a difficult decision. Say that you hope that they understand and that at the time of the funeral you will be lighting a candle for your cousin and thinking about her and the family.

I would then write a letter or a card. Sometimes when we speak to our relatives or friends at a difficult time only a small percentage is taken in. But if you write to them they can read and re-read a card at a later time.

That is what I would do anyway.

It is an understandable decision and I would probably not feel comfortable going either.

Take care.

[Madmusiclover in reply to happytulip]

I agree.

[Sheila_G in reply to happytulip]

Thank you for your reply. That is what I thought I would do initially.

[Sheila_G in reply to Sheila_G]

Thank you.

[Zara0123 in reply to Sheila_G]

I agree with happytulip.

[Neonkittie17 in reply to happytulip]

I agree with you Tulip. I’d do exactly the same.

[Blueskysunshine in reply to happytulip]

Beautifully put happytulip - it’s what I would do too.

[Zara0123 in reply to happytulip]

Once again great advice happytulip 💕

[Sheila_G in reply to Zara0123]

Thank you.

[Mmrr]

We all grieve and can offer support in different ways, if attending the funeral makes you uncomfortable and feel at risk it might be best not to go. You could just be honest but sparing in your explanation saying you haven't been too well recently and will explain your situation to them another time. In the meantime will there be a video link to the service as you would so much want to say your goodbyes.

[Sheila_G in reply to Mmrr]

Thank you. I don't know about a video link yet but that would be good.

[Layley]

Check with the Funeral Director to see if the service is being live streamed. Lots of Crematorium's offer this service now following the restrictions during the Pandemic. That way you could still be part of the service without being there in person.

[Sheila_G in reply to Layley]

Yes you are right. Thank you for your reply.

[Marionfromhappydays]

So sorry for your loss x

My old school friend's mum passed away recently and I was invited and I was honest and said because of the drugs I'm at a higher risk from covid so can't come.

I went and saw her mums coffin off at the house (stood outside and away from others) and also asked for the live stream code so I could be there online.

It's so tough for everyone, just showing you care means alot, hard for you too not being able to go x

[Sheila_G in reply to Marionfromhappydays]

Thanks Marion. Very much appreciated.

[vonniesims in reply to Marionfromhappydays]

Yes, I have been to two 'wave offs from the pavement' I felt we had shown our respects safely

[Summerrain14]

You need to do what works best for you lovely. There should be a video link to watch the funeral so hopefully this will allow you to feel part of it but safely. Thinking of you. x

[Sheila_G in reply to Summerrain14]

Thank you so much.