Devastated!!!!

[Claireb1985]

Just over a month ago my relationship ended with the love of my life, I've never known a love like it. I have been extremely low ever since due to the fact that part of the reason it broke down is because I didn't do anything around the home we shared together, the reason is this- I have RA, I've had it for 12 years and I struggle with my joints which made me feel tired so couldn't do much (he didn't understand this even though I explained time and time again) him and other people I know really don't understand and think it's an excuse, knowing this has happened has made me feel guilty and I blame myself for losing the best thing that happened to me. DEVASTATED!!!!!

[popsmith1874]

Hi Claire, I know it's no consolation at the moment but in time you will see that your better off without him, it will take time but don't try to beat yourself up too much as you have to look after yourself first and foremost and rest as much as you can. People don't understand the severity of RA and some never will and you could explain until your blue in the face they still wouldn't understand, your heart will heal in time but save all your energy what doesn't get done today will get done tomorrow sending you big hugs xxx

[honeybug in reply to popsmith1874]

Wonderful heartfelt reply 🌹🌹💓💕

😊🌸

[cheshcat]

Please be kind to yourself 💜 People don't understand but you don't deserve a "partner" like that! You are enough, just as you are. Hang in there and I bet you will look back and wish you'd left him and much sooner.

[Valdun]

I am so sorry your heart is broken! If the love of your life could not understand RA, then you are better off without him! We suffered many broken hearts when we were teenagers and we thought the world was over for us then me met someone else and I personally met the man of my life at the county Fair! I you keep involved with friends, go places where you can meet new friends, maybe Church! As far as your housekeeping, I have learned that I clean at least one thing every day I can, it is a challenge but when you look at the results, it can inspire you to really clean another thing the next day, after a while you realize that just 1 hour a day and your house is mostly clean! Do not let clutter take over, many times with RA we all suffer from depression, get you home in order, join a gym with a pool, and don’t exhaust yourself, just meet new people, go to lunch with a new friend, go to church and meet more new friends, people always have a friend that wants to meet new people! The heartbreak will end with new people in your world, and the looser will not be a part of your world any more and good riddance! You deserve better, just put yourself in a position to be able to find it! Good luck!

[honeybug]

Sweet Claireb1985 🤗🤗🤗xxxx

I’m so sorry about your broken heart 💔. There is so much love and guidance coming your way 🌹. You may not be able to see it now but one day you will. 🙂. God has let this happen to send you someone who love ❤️ everything about you even your RA who will be by your side through everything. 💕❤️🌹🌹. Who won’t see the clutter doesn’t care about anything but how incredibly brave beautiful wonderful and lovely worthy to love and be loved till death do yo part. 🌹🌹🌹🌹💕💕❤️❤️❤️ Ask God to help you through and then trust him to send Mr Right.

We support you dear

🦋🌸💕🦋🌺🌸🌹🦋💕🌸🌹

😊🌸 🤗💕xxx😘😘😘🤗🤗

[sylvi]

Devastated you should be celebrating darling if he couldn't or wouldn't believe you with your health how are you going to trust him with your future darling. If he loved you he would take the time to come with you to appointments and make an effort to understand what is going on in your body. Weep for the loss now then pick yourself up and brush yourself down and start again,as one door closes another opens so don't be disheartened for long darling as there is someone better waiting in the wings. I had this happen to me though not through health,but he dumped me because he didn't love me anymore and yes i was devastated,but within a year i was married and pregnant to the love of my life who loves me so much he would do anything for me and he does he takes great care of me as well.xxxx

[brightangel]

Hi Claire don't you dare blame yourself! If he was the man you deserved and the man you hoped he was, he wouldn't have bailed. We all know how debilitating and soul destroying and life-minimising this disease can be. Unfortunately, the rest of the world largely chooses to ignore that. It drives me crazy that people seem to think we choose to live small lives. It's not like we enjoy having very little to show for ourselves at the end of a day.

In my experience only people who have their own suffering, either directly or within their family have the compassion and understanding to understand our situations. I have virtually lost most of the so-called friends over the years of being ill. That makes the ones I do have all the more precious.

If you want to blame anything/anyone, blame the disease and blame the intolerance and lack of compassionate ability that most non-sufferers have, but please don't blame yourself. We can each be our own worst enemy but in reality, we need to be our own best friend and be kind to ourselves. Please be kind to YOU and you are in the right place here as I have found this to be a very supportive place. Smiley-Face!!!!!!!

[Etostar]

Yes, my heart goes out to you. Mercy and grace. It's so hard when you look normal. People think, yeah a lot of people have arthritis but they don't understand RA. It is not the arthritis they are familiar with, they don't understand how debilitating it can be. I myself didn't really know even though i had two sisters who had it! Crazy! I was always sensitive for them but still didn't really understand until I was diagnosed. I think it should the public should be more informed or better literature available. Hugs!

[weathervane]

I am so sorry to hear about the break up of your relationship. We are all here to support you and provide a shoulder to lean on . Best wishes 🌸🌸

[Gnarli]

Hi Claire. My heart goes out to you. It hurts when you are blamed by the love of your life for something that's already making your life hard, small, painful and difficult as the reason for his leaving you. What a coward! What real man does this? We humans have an inbuilt capacity for love and its in infinite supply. We don't just love one person but many in our lifetimes. Our parents, our friends, our partners, our children, our pets, the list is endless. Heartbreak follows when we love someone unworthy of us and they betray us. Believe me, I've been there and it ain't nice. Allow yourself to grieve awhile, get angry, cry if you need to and then you can get on with your life and who knows what the future holds? Always remember - your best revenge is to be happy. Huge hugs

J

[juneann]

Hi Claireb1985, I think it can be more devastating when there is something that cannot be changed, the RA isn't going to go away and your partner is the person he is. If this is the end please don't let this taint your future relationships. I broke from who I always considered the love of my life a year after we had bought a house together and set up home. At the age of twenty seven I thought that I'd escaped all that heartbreak stuff we all see in movies, but no he had me hooked from the beginning and I felt like I'd never felt before - everyday a thrill. For a couple of reasons I couldn't trust him and I could have tried to ignore it but I knew I didn't want that 'always wondering' for myself. I was heartbroken when I told him it was over and I cried so so much that it took me maybe a couple of years for the real upset to leave. In time I moved on but I have never forgotten him thirty years later and I never will, perhaps in a funny way I will always love him as even now I often thinks about him and us and it can still catch me when I'm unaware. Many years later I married and had my beautiful son now sixteen and he really is the true love of my life, albeit a different relationship. I'm not going to call your ex or mine pigs they are who they are and obviously not the right ones for us, even if we would like them to be against all odds. Ok so now you move on, distraction, distraction, distraction...enjoy your friendships, interests, family etc. but most of all LIVE.

[Sammicat15]

A break up is always horrid but if the ,ove of your life couldnt understand your limitatiions because of pain and fatigue, then I feel he wasnt really your soulmate. A soulmate would have had compassion no matter what the circumstance.

Please make yourself get up and out with friends, make new friends through groups or charities, divert yourself upset with other interests. Your heart will settle in time and who knows what other things are around the corner. You may now meet somebody even better. Meanwhile, look after yourself, set yourself small targets, don't beat yourself up and please accept who you are. If you havent already got a pet, get yourself one and receive unconditional affection and company no matter how you are feeling. There are many animals and people out there in need. It just remains to give yourself the opportunities to smile again. Hang on in there x

[sylvi in reply to Sammicat15]

If you get a little dog,you will be surprised who you meet darling many romances have started after somene stopping to pet the dog.xxxx

[Hidden]

^^^^^ What they all said! Look after yourself, go meetup with some friends and give yourself some treats. All the best, take care cheers Deb xx

[Fifi2]

Oh Claire

I feel your pain .Its all consuming .I split up from the love of my life 8 years ago .I was truly devastated my world as I knew it came crashing down .He had always had other people in our relationship, so after 24 years and 4 children I asked him to leave . We were broken as a family , so so painful and I thought I would never be happy again.

I’m still single ...never did find another love but you know what ? I’m surrounded by LOVE .i have all I need . I have 2 wonderful grandkids who fill my heart with joy a good job ,my own home and the respect of my children .I really couldn’t ask for anymore .

Time really does heal ....trust me on that one .yes you will feel pain but this is something you have to go through to get to the other side .Everything in life is temporary

As for the RA I was diagnosed 4 years ago and yes it’s a pain and yes people don’t understand.

I was off work over a year getting my meds sorted and thought at that time why me ? Haven’t I been through enough ? But .....it’s part of me now and it’s made me a stronger person

I guess what I’m trying to say is that no matter how bad things get there will always be light at the end of the tunnel .i always try find a positive out of a negative ....if you look hard enough you will find one .

One month is early days .try to get out with friends ( even if you feel you don’t want to ) and start slowly rebuilding your life .

Not going to lie ....it’s not easy but you can do it !!

Sending a cyber hug 😘

[sylvi in reply to Fifi2]

I have never said why me,but what i have said(now get me wrong i am not a big church goer) "God only gives us what he knows we can cope with." There have been times when i have wondered that statement,but i have never wavered from that.xxxx

[Fifi2 in reply to sylvi]

It’s the cards we are dealt with . Having giving myself a kick up the bum I just got in with it .

You can only change the things you can change ....that’s my motto

[Gameo]

When he wants to come back as l have no doubt he will you can take him back or l hope you tell him to take a running jump he is not worth it best of luck to you never give up looking for the right partner he is out there waiting for someone like you

[trailblazer]

Hi Claireb1985, I too was in a long term relationship a few years ago, I decided to end it after I experienced a severe flare up and I had to ask him to carry me to the loo as I couldn’t stand up or walk due the excruciating pain. Before I did an Elimination diet in 2012 I would experience constant swelling in knees, feet and both hands in particular, other joints were also affected too. he didn’t like seeing me in pain all the time, after the severe flare in 2012 I realised he couldn’t cope, in the sense that he still wanted to be in a relationship with me but would only really want to see me when I wasn’t in severe pain. I ended the relationship, although I loved him dearly and it broke my heart, it broke his too. With hindsight it was one of best thing I ever did, however I only realised it recently. Stay strong, very best wishes to you. X

[jules12]

how can you blame yourself for something you have no control over? you didnt walk away! i doubt this is the whole story clare. it was probably one of many things troubling him.

this is all still raw, but as you go through the emotions of a relationship break up, eventually you will start to see more clearly the cracks that had appeared long before he left.

hopefully, you can then move forward with your own life and make a success of it.x

[nymima01]

On the more spiritual side of this, I feel that with his departing energy, this will open the door for a different energy to enter. It may not be another partner, but it may be something that you will have time for now. There is always a reason for everything and there is so much we don’t realize when we are in the thick of things. A simply fantastic journey may be awaiting you - Even with RA. RA is there to teach you things you may never have understood had you not had the condition. This may sound crazy to some, but take the RA for what it is trying to teach you and seek the path where it will lead. Trust it. Spiritually, your “love” may have had to be removed in order for you to be able to take a new journey. I hope I don’t sound too “out there”. There is always a lesson to be learned - but in a good way.

[rawillbebeaten]

I really feel for you - similar happened to me with my now ex-husband of almost 20 years.

I can honesty say that I'm better off without him and would never take him back.

I hope you get to a better place and find that the RA improves when you can just focus on yourself

Thinking of you with empathy and sending you warm good wishes

Michele xx

[freesthomas]

Hi Claire. I’ve been through a recent break up myself. He didn’t blame my illness for the split but has met someone else and moved out. Being my primary cared and my whole world, I do have an understanding of how you must be feeling. It feels like your whole world has fallen apart. I think there are a lot of people who don’t understand what it’s like to be in pain all the time. Please don’t blame yourself. We didn’t ask for this illness and let’s be honest, if someone who is ignorant had to experience what most of us live with day in, day out, I wonder how they would feel. I think it’ll take a while to heal a broken heart 💔 It’s been seven weeks today for me since I found out and I’m still upset, numb and have no vision of what my future looks like. I have been depressed for a while but this sent me spiralling downwards again. Have you got close friends/family who are supportive? I have found there are times I want to be alone to key my emotions out plus have chats with some people. I think I need to make new friends because I don’t really have any. I have work colleagues who I do get in with, but not as proper friends who I would go for a coffee and a natter with. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It’s not easy and there are no quick fixes. Be yourself and be kind to yourself too xx