Last year I did try to educate my fool of a boss....but as everyone knows, idiots can't be educated. The fool tried to intimidate and/or harass me when I first returned to work. I quickly made a complaint to my union and my boss got his hand slapped. I never went through with the formal grievance as I was only working part time & I didn't have the energy to fight. I figured since he was forced to behave, I would just let it go.
....but these last couple of months I have grown physically stronger and I was proud to increase my work hours. The fool seemed to think he could intimidate me again. Boy, was he wrong. I am now strong enough to fight him so I went to my union and put in a formal grievance.
So yes, I won my grievance and he has been slapped with unpaid leave...Now I have to decide if I want him fired. My shop steward says we should proceed to getting him fired. I will decide on Monday if I should take this action.
My problem? I don't feel comfortable being the cause of anyone losing their job. He has a wife & 2 young boys. What would you do?
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Cherub198889
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I can understnd how you feel .cos i.m a softie aswell. But shoe on the other foot.he didn.t care what you were going through .how ill you felt .it didn.t happen once .he carried on untill you couldn.t take any more .a weaker person wold have just left .(constructive dismissal) but you got stronger and fought .i.m proud of you.maybe it will send a message to other bullies .it doesn.t pay.
Congratulations and well done for following this through and being true to yourself. I think only you can make this decision and it’s a very big decision to make as this is someone’s livelihood at stake here and like you say they have a young family BUT you should not feel guilty about this, they’re an adult and in a position of trust and responsibility, they chose to behave this way. You’ve got a couple of days to think about it..if they did keep their job could they make things difficult for you in the future behind the scenes so to speak or do you think they would have learned their lesson that people with chronic health conditions and disabilities can not be bullied? Good luck, let us know what you decide...and we’ll done again for standing up for what’s right even though it couldn’t have been easy. I’m sure there’s many people out there who have or are being bullied but just do not know how to go about it or are too scared or without help to do so.. You’re an inspiration to us all who have come across this kind of treatment. 😊
You are a champion for us all, thankful your strength! You had a choice to fight back and you did. Not easy as we all know how exhausted we are with this disease we all are familiar with.
Darling i have read all the other answers and i agree with all of them. Perhaps you could suggest he takes a course on disability and visit some hospitals to get some idea how it is with you,maybe spend time with a rheumy. That is if you don't want him fired,i wouldn't want to be in your shoes darling,but he has done it to you twice do you think he is going to change if you don't think he will then you have your answer darling. Good luck whatever you decide.xxxxx
Hi Cherub, well done you for standing up against a bully who wasn’t following the rules. Sometimes an example has to be made of someone so that everyone gets the message that it’s not acceptable. I understand how you feel about him losing his job. Is it just up to you! it’s not a nice position to be put in, can’t someone else take the lead on this.On a practical level it would be much better for you if he wasn’t there as I can imagine the atmosphere in your workplace would be awful and he could make life difficult for you in the future. You would have to be a really strong person to deal with that.
Firstly you wouldn’t be the cause of him losing his job, he would because he broke the law and got himself into this position.
Because you see the bigger picture you see the potential effect the upandcoming action might have on others around him. Do stop and look at the affect that the choice you will make might have upon you as well (and possibly other colleagues who haven’t been strong enough to speak out and quietly welcome you bravery).
There is no easy answer here and no one can say what you should do but I would suggest sitting with the dilemma with a professional mindset, look at the pros and cons of your choices and make a ‘professional’ decision and then sit with that decision with your altruistic heart and see how it feels - you’ll probably arrive at what is best fit for you and feel comfortable in the long run with the course of action you’ve taken.
Please don’t think that it would be your fault if he was fired from his job. The only person at fault here is him. You have given him one chance to rectify his behaviour and he bullied you again. Don’t give him a second chance. He deserves to be fired. Sorry that may seem cruel, but it really isn’t. He hasn’t apologised or shown remorse for his actions.
For a start I think it’s absolutely awful that the decision is down to you. Secondly, I bet if the truth were told you’re not the first person he has bullied. I left a job because we had a boss who did things she ought not to have done. I tried my best to do something about it but it was a waste of time. Other people just tut tutted about how dreadful she was and talked about her non stop but wouldn’t stick their heads above the parapet. She eventually retired and her replacement was an out and out bully who targeted certain people mercilessly - people who were excellent workers, there was nothing wrong with the quality of their work. I think they probably worked in a very traditional way and the boss didn’t like it - either that or she just didn’t like them.
Again my former colleagues spent all their spare time gossiping about the goings on but none of them were prepared to say ‘ we know what you are doing, we don’t like it , so stop it now’. The bit I really couldn’t understand for the life of me was why the person who was bullied out of her job with stress (and she wasn’t stressed before this new boss arrived ) caused by the new boss, continued to be friendly with the same former colleagues who knew what was going on and did nothing.
I lost all respect for them because they just stood by and watched it happen and did nothing apart from tell each other - and me who no longer worked there - how awful it all was!
So I wouldn’t feel guilty, if this guy has bullied you he has probably bullied other people too, you are probably not the first and may not be the last. Still very wrong that it’s up to you though.
I totally agree i was in a job were the manager picked on and swore at people constantly and just like you say people talked about how awfull it was .but for whatever reason did nothing.every day someone was crying or off with stress .allthe youngsters where afraid of her .but one day she could be ok .next day it was someone elses turn to be bullied.i had been off over christmas because of a heart problem .and she was annoyed that the numbers where down .because its a care home. And obviously very busy.she said she dudn.t believe i was ill even though she had a discharge letter frim the hospital and docs notes.when i came back she gave me hell .so i sent a letter to head office .and all the girls backed me .she was forced to go .but never changed .she was sacked from the next carehome for bullying .
Gosh takes me back. We used to come in to work in the morning and if the boss was in the stock cupboard and didn’t speak you or growled through gritted teeth we knew it was going to be a grim day. You were fortunate that everyone backed you. I always felt with the poor girl who was hounded out that everyone should have got together and said ‘stop it’ but I had gone by then. If that person had known everyone - it was a small staff - was on the side of the victim and weren’t going to turn a blind eye then maybe I’m naive but I’m sure she would have had to stop, instead nothing was said and the bully just carried on.
It’s appalling full stop but how appalling to have behaved like that towards you after you’d been in hospital. I just don’t understand why some people need to bully others in order to feel good.
Yes you are so right .it went on for years and she would bully someone for a while .and was all over them later but moved on to someone else and so it went on .she bullied the young more than the ladies my age .but they were frightened of her .but when she was nice to them .they sat and watched it happening to others .they would say things like why don.t you speak for all of us .and when that happened they were not there to stand up .but they knew i was unwell with my r/d before i went in with the heart problem and fair play everyone of the staff days .nights .house keepers .all stuck together .and we got rid of her.and anyone who can feel sorry for a bully .in school or work place or home . Are not nice people themselves.
Anyone who bullies vulnerable people .deserve all that comes to them .
Oh Sue, that's a hard one for us to answer. Instant reaction is don't be the reason he's sacked but then he needs to understand how he made you feel & how you were still affected on your return to work, just when you didn't need the aggro. On the other hand, he was the reason for this situation not you, is that the answer, he's paying for his actions? Sylvi mentioned sending him on a course about disability, is there such a thing in Canada, somewhere he could be sent to learn how to have some understanding of disability in the workplace? I think that would be preferable rather than making him suffer too, two wrongs don't make a right & all that. Or, do you think he'd not change his attitude even so? The ultimate would be for him to feel what it was like to be you, an injection of RD, so he knew what you had felt like but still turned up for work! If only, I think more people would be more compassionate if there was such a thing to us don't you?!
Whatever you decide I hope it works for you, you're the one we care about. x
Congratulations to you... and glad you're feeling better.
Difficult decision... but bullies who refuse to understand people's situation when they are very ill and make their lives even more stressful need to be made an example of...
Sadly this is the only way such people will realise they can't behave in that manner anymore and instead change their ways in talking through positive actions to help employees who are facing serious health conditions but who still want and NEED to work to survvive.
Don't feel any guilt. He would not have had any such feeling had you lost your job and your earning power.... Such idiots need to wake up and realise the damage they do through thoughtless and egotistical actions... using the little power they have in their job.
Well done for winning your grievance. I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes because I can see it from both sides. He was given a second chance with his behaviour towards you, but has reverted to his old ways! I wonder how he behaves to other people with health issues. Perhaps he needs retraining in personnel skills. Do you work Cora company that is big enough to give him a sideways move. Good luck with you decision- I guess this won’t be an easy weekend for you.
Well done for standing up to a bully. I am very happy for you that you are well enough to have the strength to stand up for your rights. I just hope your health won't suffer as a consequence. I believe that getting the idiot dismissed would be a vindictive reaction. Even an idiot deserves another chance. Don't forget "Every village needs an Idiot". As long as he leaves you alone, be bigger than him and let it be. Keep strong and healthy. All the very best.
Well done Cherub for winning your grievance case. I don’t really understand why the decision has been put on you, surely it should be the management’s decision. I like Sylvi’s idea of a disability course or a visit to a Rheumatology clinic but I don’t know if this is something he would be able to do or whether it would make a difference to his attitude. If you decide not to have him fired will he be grateful and change or will he wait a few months and do it again? As Ali_H said take away the emotions and look at it in a clinical way see what decision you think is best then bring the your emotions back into it and decide if you can follow through with it. The fact that this decision is difficult for you just proves you are a better person than him 🙂 Good luck with your decision x
Well done you 👏👏 As Sylvi mentioned, could they send him on an Awareness Course? Also, could he be transferred/relocated to another department, anywhere where you don't have to deal with him?
Ruth x
Cherub So sorry that happened: how stressful for you. Couldn't agree more with others and everyone hates a bully. However I don't see why it is your responsibility and not the company's and unions to fire/re-educate this person: that's a lot to lay on you after what you ve been through. Surely there were company guidelines in place with your country,s disability laws to inhibit this kind of behaviour: they're responsible not you.
Despite Equalities Act in UK since 2010, it still goes on at work; I lost count of how many offensive remarks people used to feel free to make at my last place of work about anything they chose really (apart from fact that in a school you should be setting example for students by your actions). I have gay daughter, son with l.d.s and I'm an old git so take your pick; used to put up with it but shouldn't and really admire you: it ain't easy! Doesn't matter what they think in private: there are lines you shouldn't overstep at work and everyone should be made aware of so everyone feels safe being there. It can make people's lives a misery and is just plain nasty: it is not your fault or responsibility. He will have done it to others too.
On positive note my kids both report more and more courses at their places of work on Equalities Act in practice and surprise at how much people think it's ok to ignore: it's not. Well done you x
I’m quite shocked that the decision on his future is left to you - that puts you in a really difficult position, and surely management should be the ones making the decision in accordance with their HR policies on misconduct.
Aside from that, if you do have to make the decision, I think it hangs on what you know of his personality, and how he might react if he gets to keep his job: will he be be vengeful towards you for raising grievances against him? If he leaves you alone will he start on someone else? Does he already bully others or was it just you? If any of that applies, then he clearly doesn’t understand what he is doing wrong and he has to go, whether that is lose his job or be moved, or better still demoted, to another job away from you, and not in a position where he has power over you or anyone else.
Only if you think he will genuinely change his ways should he be allowed to stay, but he still needs to be removed from being your boss as your relationship with him may otherwise still be strained, making it difficult for you - and why should you continue to suffer when he is the one in the wrong?
It’s an awful situation and you’re between a rock and a hard place, but whatever happens, you have to think of you and your future health and well-being. Good luck with whatever you decide. X
Well done you for making a stand. And so happy it was successful. Whatever you decide will be right as long as it sits comfortably with you.
Personally I think I'd be content with a public or written apology from this person...that would be a big step for a bully. And it's highly likely that after the humiliation of having been found to be a bully, and knowing that mark will be against his record in your company, he will start looking for another job pretty quickly.
I understand your concern that he has a family to support, you would think he had learned from the first lesson and certainly from the second. Are you able to ensure he receives some sort of continuing professional development and training before being responsible for employees welfare again? That way you would not feel responsible for any demise of his family.
Im going through something similiar and they actually are looking to dismiss me this week although Im off sick...People dont understand what your going through unless they are in the same situation and that is where the bullying starts. These people need to be educated not all disibilities can be seen...noone knows the pain your in ..only you and it cant be judged by the way you walk or tasks you do or dont do.
Its seems to me this guy had enough opportunities but still did not learn. Some lessons are easier learnt when you are more effected by the consequences of your actions. Many of us with debilitating conditions have families to feed..yet discriminated in every way. If it was me after giving the boss a chance ..I would say enough is enough.
Well done you but what a position to put you in he is a bully but should HR not be dealing with that and not making you feel guilty about it and have to think about his family.He is just a prat and not worth losing sleep over but i know that is easier said than done but he never thought you or your family when he was treating you the way he did.He is probably a bully at home also but you will probably treat him better than he treated you so hopefully you will make the right decision for you that makes you feel better good luck x
So your boss has been in trouble twice now for bullying you? Twice. Using his power and position to try to destroy you.
Once perhaps out of ignorance ( but not likely), second time likely out of revenge for being in trouble the first time
If you honestly think he will just forget about this he won’t. Bullies don’t learn from slaps on the wrist. This is that kid in school who picked on weaker ones and made their life hell for years...and continued to bully into adulthood cause all he ever got was a slap on the wrist. No accountability for their actions.
This decision should not be put on you, but the company who works on your behalf to support its employees from a harassment/violence policy point of view. Your union should be perusing firing this guy for breaching the policies and laws.
I would go back and talk to your union, they wouldn’t be asking you this if they didn’t have a very strong case, and perhaps it’s not really up to you, but their wording sounded as such. They probably just want to ensure you will also support them if they decide to go forward.
does the company insist he act this way or was he doing it on his own. If the company tells him to do so and then doesn't stand behind him when someone stands up to him you will still have the same problem with another person.
So sorry you had to go through this torment with your boss. I think you definitely did the right thing in taking it to your union and took him to task, however I do not think it should be your decision as to whether he is fired. Surely your Human Resources or Personnel department should be reviewing this very closely and taking the necessary action?
I know exactly how you feel as I had a similar problem with my male boss who claimed to know ‘exactly how I felt, as he struggled to get out of bed that morning’ etc etc! After much discussion, he agreed to get me a disabled badge for parking at work on an ‘as needed’ basis! He thought that I would know that day if using the badge would be necessary or not - complete berk. Anyway, unfortunately I didn’t have a union so had to fight my corner with very little strength and fortunately took voluntary redundancy.
Good luck making your decision, but as I say, probably unfair for the you to have to do it. It should be senior management or HR. Thinking of you. Xx
Good for you in having the willpower and strength to follow this through, I also had a manager the would belittle and try to bully me publicly then later apologise for his actions in private. One morning he did it again and that was enough for me, in an open plan office I put him in his place, he stayed in his cubicle for the rest of the day, he didn't like the public humiliation that I had just returned to him and never did it to me again. Don't feel sorry for this guy, whatever his reasons for behaving like this are down to him, I wouldn't be interested in pressure from above being used as an excuse because he still made the decision to do it. In your case you will remain uncomfortable with him being around and promises to behave can just as easily be forgotten and you are back to where you started again. He was and still is in the wrong, you gave him a chance and he went back to his old ways, a leopard cannot change its spots, he can explain to his family why he was dismissed and it is not your fault, you were the one that finally stood up to him. I am quite surprised at the number of comments where the bully has been a woman but I suppose the old adage power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely, it will take a few generations before that attitude is eradicated once and for all, you can take satisfaction that you were part of the change and no reason for you to feel any guilt, he is the guilty one not you.
How wonderful of you to show such compassion toward someone who victimised you for such a long time. However, I feel consideration should be made regarding the fact that he had already previously received a warning to improve his attitude and behaviour, which he discounted and continued with his vile treatment of a disabled person. If you left this job and he continued to manage. What message is this giving to all your colleagues. He will continue to behave in this manner. It is a legal requirement to make adjustments and considerations to those employed with a disability. He chose to break this employment law. Not once, but twice. He will continue to do so despite any intervention as proved. He should not be managing people as he clearly does not have the attributes to do so. Thus is HR's problem. If they recommend dismissal then thus is the right decision. Yes it's sad that he has a family etc. But it's also sad that he wasn't prepared to fulfil his role as someone who is a leader of people. He brought this up in himself. You didn't ask to be bullied. You asked for his understanding and support. Onwards and upwards. Keep your head held high because you are a very brave person. You knew it was wrong and stood up for yourself. I wish you all the very best of luck. You deserve it.
Well done for sticking up for your rights. I actually feel this is not your decision but the decision of your employers and they are passing the buck. I understand that you may no longer want to work under this person and this is your option but they must have disciplinary procedure for bullying and it either results in retraining, mentoring etc or straight dismissal.
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time out
Accessing legal advice / representation to challenge disability discrimination linked to RA
One hell of a weekend and I need to get this off my chest.
