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Living with a partner who is depressed

I go to work to see some smiling faces. I get home where my partner has been all day usually on his computer. He has been unwell with cancer but currently clear. Wants to stay in everything I do seems to have at least one fault. Or the latest is sit in silence and ignore me. I get a better reception from dogs when I get home from work. He wants to work but age seems against him or its a temp job apparently not worth bothering with. One of us depressed at the moment. Don't think its going to be long before its two.

5 Replies


Have you tried pointing out that you think he is depressed? I, personally, have a hard time knowing when a bad day turns into a black hole! My fiance will say that he knew I was struggling with my mood after I realize I am being a jerk, and I always ask why he didn't say something! It is hard for me to discern and I wish to hear "Hey your mood has been foul lately". I would perk up just knowing someone paid enough attention to notice!

You said he is cancer free right now? He should be jumping up and down for joy!

The job situation needs to be worked out. Try telling him that you know its a temp job or that you know its below his capabilities, but it would be a good trial run to see what he's interested in doing next!

I hope these suggestions are helpful, it is hard when you are coping with your own illness to try to pull your partner up too!


Hi Julie,

so sorry to hear about the problems that your partner is having. The link below is to our article on RA and depression but it may be useful and there are some contact numbers at the end that may be helpful:


Beverley (NRAS Helpline)


Hello Juliecox6412. It's taken me awhile to reply to your post because it hit me hard. I'm an outside person looking into your reationship and my heart cries out for the both of you. I know cancer. I wish I didn't, but I do.

Your husband is lost & scared and he does not know how to communicate with you. So he either ignors you ( he doesn't want to upset you) or he points out your faults. ( he is trying to communicate with you, but he fails misrably) ........ You are in survival mode.....working......paying the bills....doing what needs to be done.....trying to make your relationship work......and wondering "what the heck is happening to us?" So bloody sad. Your husband's body has survived cancer, but his emotions have not. He is not able to communicate this to you because he is broken.... It's time to get professional help.

Most, if not all, cancer clinics have psycologists or therapists who deal with living with cancer and surviving cancer. Please get ahold of them. You 2 have gone through so much emotionaly & physically. Don't fall apart now that you are able to restart your lives cancerfree..

Lots of hugs to you & your partner

Sue xxoo


Hi not sure if you are in the uk but if so the Macmillon support line are fabulous for your husband or for you otherwise your gp for him if he'll go or for you if not .Mary


Macmillan will work with relatives as well as the person with cancer, so you might want to contact them for advice?


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