Struugling

[Fifi1972]

I'm a 45 yr old female struggling with the ups and downs of rheumatoid arthritis. It's affecting my marriage and children's life because everyone blames the illness. I'm not an illness I'm a human I feel like I've lost my identity. Does anyone else feel like this?

[Beverley-NRAS]

Hi Fifi,

there is a lot of support on this site and I am sure a lot of people will be able to identify with you. Hang on in there.

Beverley

[Fifi1972 in reply to Beverley-NRAS]

Thankyou

[Vonnie10]

Tell them point blank to get over them selves that's really harsh for them to treat you like that do not put up with it stay strong . X

[Nettac]

Hello

I think any nasty long term illness can change the way one is not only seen, but how one views oneself. I don't know about you, but I can't do some of the things I used to do. This is frustrating not only for me, but for those who knew me before the illness.

That said, it is possible to find new ways of doing things. I haven't lost my identity, I'm just in the process of revamping it!

Take care.

[DaniBeeLcLa]

Hi Fifi. First, internet hugs! Second, ask your spouse how they would feel if they were the one that was ill. How would they want to be treated? Hold up a mirror to your family and show them their behavior.

Thou shall Not take sh*t from anyone!

Xxx,

Dani

[Fifi1972 in reply to DaniBeeLcLa]

That has just made me smile thankyou xx

[Valdun in reply to DaniBeeLcLa]

Love that last line, I think I will adopt it

[nomoreheels]

Aw, that's just not fair to be defined by your condition. Yes it's a chronic illness but you're still their Wife, Mum, Daughter, Sister, Aunt.... these are your names not RD. Do they understand the disease? I mean really know how it feels, do you feel you're able to explain it to them? The NRAS theme for Awareness Week this year was Invisible Illness, Behind the Smile nras.org.uk/ra-awareness-week, a lot of us here related to it. There are also related publications/downloads you may find helpful nras.org.uk/publications. Or there's always good old spoons theory butyoudontlooksick.com/arti...

We're here to rant at too, I know it doesn't help home life but maybe just talking here will take you away from feeling so alone in this. 😊

[Fifi1972 in reply to nomoreheels]

Yes it does help feeling im not alone. Even after having this condition for 8 years I've never felt so iscolated. I think at first it's new that you have a condition but then you get bored of it yourself so you try not to talk about it but end up suffering in silence x

[Valdun in reply to Fifi1972]

We all have been there! Just get up every morning and say this is the first day of the rest of my life! Got it? My Life! You will have good days and bad days! This is not you but your disease! When we try to please everybody, we are not taking care of ourself! I have learned that people in general think, well everybody has Arthritis! Thank God they have never had to face this! Anyone who cares about you will listen to you and realize that ''this is different! Otherwise, they do not deserve to be in your life! It takes a while to get comfortable with anyone else's problems, but if they don't get it, don't let it become your problem!

[ITYFIALMCTT]

I'm in the process of being evaluated at present (consultant's opinion is "likely diagnosis" of PsA). Since this started last year I've struggled with my own sense of identity and who I am if I find it so difficult to be competent at all of these things that I didn't even realise that I take for granted but are so integral to my sense of who I am.

[Valdun in reply to ITYFIALMCTT]

It will get better when you and your loved ones realize that this is not who you chose to be! It happened to you, not because if you! If they don't, then they don't deserve to have you in their life!

[Hidden]

I'm sending a big hug to you. You are right when you say that you "are not an illness" !! RA has never defined me, nor should it define you. I think of RA as a big piece of "dog poop" that I stepped on....we just can't seem to wipe it off our shoe yet.

Keep the lines of communication open with your family. Your family has no idea what you are going through and they too are scared.

Here is another big hug that I'm sending you

[Valdun in reply to Hidden]

You nailed it! I guess we all need to be reminded that life and illness is scary! Hats off to you!

[Arthritis_1]

Hi Fifi1972. I'm 45 and mother to 3. My husband and kids have been wonderful when I was diagnosed almost 4 years ago. My meds are now working almost 90% of the time, so husband and kids think I'm cured! However when I do get the odd flare up or sore joints they're not as sympathetic. It's an awful disease and it's up to us to educate those who aren't directly suffering. I wish you all the best and to hang in there. It will get better.

[Valdun]

We all did! It took my family and friends a while to understand too! I think at times they thought I was exaggerating the symptoms, but as they saw the swelling joints, etc they did come around! Yours will too!

[DaniBeeLcLa]

My daughter always tells me "self care is NOT selfish!" Remind yourself of this as necessary, please. Especially those time when others tell you "if you can do X with your 'disease', surely you can do Y for me/us!"

Hugs,

Dani