My post this morning is about my loss of independance. I am finding that there are a lot of things i need support from my hubby with. I don't cook anymore and when i do prepare anything i need hubby to clean up behind me(i know some will say thats no bad thing) I can't go anywhere without my scooter in the car and hubby has to get it out for me. Yesterday we went to the garden centre and its a place where my scooter couldn't go so i had to walk and boy did i struggle even with my stick i struggle to walk. If i go out on my big scooter and get home safely i have to get hubby put it away and to be honest i am using it less and less. I don't make my bed hubby does it as he does all the housework. I can't do as much in my garden as i used to,hubby does a lot out there now whereby i used to do all the gardens round the house,this is something that troubles me greatly. I spend a lot of the day resting in my recliner or out in the sun.
Peaceful day to you all and a painfree one as well.xxxx
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sylvi
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Yes darling we are both lucky,but your right my hubby does the same as yours and watches what i do and if he goes down the allotment he keeps his phone on his body so if i ring he will be able to get home quickly. Yesterday when we got back from the garden centre i practically crashed,i could have cried as i had had such a good day and i had hoped we could have gone out for the evening. Instead i spent it in bed watching rubbish tv.xxxxx
I'm the same I live on my own, pain everywhere living with breast cancer but on a reasonable day I go out in the garden it takes my mind off it as it's always been my hobby I pay for it after as can't get up for a couple of days with the agony but when I look through the window I think it was all worth it I'm 73 but very independent my grans words ring in my ears everytime I do it "pride must abide" RA is the most debilitating thing ever
Ah Sylvi I'm sorry to hear this. I know how much you love your garden & your a doer so it must really go against the grain. Thank goodness you've got a wonderful husband but so wish you had some of your independence back x
Happy Easter Sylvi ! It sounds like you have a wonderful hubby who only wants the best for you, but I know how the guilt just eats you up. I felt the same way. I reached a point where I told my hubby I just couldn't feel guilty anymore and not to count on me for cooking or anything anymore ( it sounds so selfish, I know ). But somehow...giving up that guilt-- within a short time... I just felt...better somehow. Amazingly, I had less pain and I even had some ENERGY! Now it is so much easier to make dinner, and do most things again. I'm not saying you should do this, but I think guilt is a big part of our disease, and if you can somehow take a break from it, it might do you some good? This is just a thought, but I can tell you are feeling so " dependent" on your hubby, and somehow you need some relief! It sounds like he will be there for you no matter what..so just try not to blame yourself for something that can't be helped. I don't know if this makes any sense, but just want you to feel better. Try to have an easy, and happy Easter. All the best!
I think I just hit the "guilt wall", and I was trying to do things that my body couldn't do so just stopped feeling guilty. Actually had a talk with my husband and he agreed I couldn't help having to be so needy- so I just did NOTHING ( that seemed to be what my body was asking for ).for maybe 3-4 days. Then..I can't explain it, but I was able to do more with less pain. Of course my hubby was in agreement that I should do whatever my body asked for, so the worry, the guilt, the " blame"--.I just "let go" of them. And it helped me a lot- and in the end it helped him as well. Just sharing an experience..
Chris i do rely on him and i don't have much guilt, i have got used to not cooking i do the odd meal when i feel like it,but it is something simple then he will clear up behind me. My garden is a frustrating thing for me,but i will keep trying there.xxxxx
Oh Sylvi you do have so much to put up with........but can you please try not to stress so much about not being able to do every darn thing yourself?
I find RA is a constant roller coaster of one step forward & a hundred (!) steps sideways.
I can understand how you feel your husband is having to do so much these days....but in a few weeks if you can just go with the flow, & try to relax & really rest, you'll be cooking his dinner again.
I live alone & have the luxury of being able to go at my own pace......on some off days I'm still in my pj's mid afternoon, & I know if I had a partner I would never do that.....but realistically why not?
Stress is the worst thing for any ailment.....so young lady.......try to let it all go an around you.....everything you want to do will still be there next week/month & if you could just let your lovely hubby get on with helping out until you get your sparkle back & your pain under better control things might not seem so distressing for you!
Now eat that Choccy Egg, & have a restful Easter Day!
AC darling you say so much about how i am feeling darling. I like the young lady bit especially seeing as i am 61yrs old.I try not to stress,but when i have a good day like yesterday i go at it hammer and tongs. My problem is i have always done everything in this house as hubby worked and now i find it difficult to let go. The funny thing is i have to bite my tongue when he is doing something differently to how i was taught.xxxx
Sylvi...you should know by now...men do things differently from us superior beings...but if the result's the same, so what?
It takes some of us longer than others to let go.....I hit the wall when I couldn't travel to see friends & family abroad when I wanted to...So I stopped doing everything unnecessary....like mowing the lawn.(had it AstroTurfed) cleaning outside Windows....they look just as clean not having been touched for a year....& I generally chilled.
The result is I am now much calmer & don't get angry because I can't do everything I used to, because I realise i feel so much better not worrying about silly things like clean windows!
I'm an old lady & I refuse to live my last few years fretting about what I can't do...so join us chilled oldies Sylvi...rest when you need to ......& just go mad 50% of the time you feel good.....I'm sure hubby will approve!
I have a window cleaner to clean the outside and have done ever since we got here. We don't travel abroad anymore as it was so much trouble with all the meds i take. I let him hang the washing any old way he likes i have stopped worrying about that.I am calmer than i was now there is only the two of us. xxxxxx
Feel for you sweetie. Your husband is an absolute angel and loves you millions. This disease of ours is brutal am afraid we just have to go with the flow.
We are so lucky to have wonderful men in our lives who want to help us. Give up that guilt enjoy those eggs. May be tomorrow you will be able to help just a little.
I know just how you feel about feeling guilty last Wednesday I spent 3 hours cleaning my kitchen and it wiped me out my right hand was in agony and I was in agony all over my body my husband has had surgery on his left foot and is on crutches he made the drinks and I took them upstairs as we are both on the bed resting he said he didn't mind as he was bored and we went out Saturday night it was a good night but I find it painful sitting so long and I stand outside for a while when I got up on Sunday morning it was my daughters dog that woke me up he jumped on the bed made me jump I was so tired all day Sunday couldn't keep my eyes open all day and most of the evening my husband prepared the Sunday lunch and cooked it he said it was because I was so tired but he isn't ready to do these things himself he said it made him feel as if it was worth it as I don't eat very much I just don't feel hungry because I am in pain all the time and later that evening he made a drink and brought it up I was fast asleep today his foot is uncomfortable because he tried to do to much it has made me feel selfish I am another one that is lucky to have a good husband when he needs the help himself
Hello my lovely, know exactly where your coming from,I didn't get up until 3 today,coughing bad with the bronchiestasis, ra playing up,and collapsed vertebrae giving me gyp.I can't do much,the odd washing up,a bit of dusting,I have help from my youngest son,and my wonderful friend Bev,she stays a few nights with me and keeps house looking clean and tidy,today she gave me a bed bath,well she's seen it all! a six stone matchstick ,more meat on a butchers apron she said,a true friend.It seems we all struggle with guilt, asking people to help all the time,I'm the same,but you have to let go of things that don't matter,as long as we are warm and fairly comfortable,and most of all loved,it keeps us going.I had two huge eggs yesterday, and will tackle one of them whilst watching Corrie tonight! Xxxxx
I know i a loved but i didn't realise i was worrying about losing stuff that didn't matter. I still don't like the idea of not being to go out on my own on my big scooter. Thank you for your answer .xxxxxxx
Well Sylvia I am sorry you are unable to do your own chorus I would hate to have depend on someone to do even the basics for me . Unfortunately my husband died 3years ago but before then we shared the workload I do have a modern kitchen a dishwasher which has been money well spent a utility room where washed clothes are out of sight visitors My Duvet is easily throwed back over my bed when I come out of it in the morning . I certainly have a cleaner who comes in once a week she does the jobs I cannot reach I also get my ironing done but saying that I make my own meals an odd time my family invite me for a meal but generally speaking I do for myself there is a lot of things I cannot manage they just don't get done i. Potter in the garden I certainly am not able to do what I used to do since last year I slipped and fell and came down on top of my spade . Unfortunately that has put paid to a lot of things I used to do in and around my garden . My family have banned me from using any tools in the garden . The handyman that does my garden now gives me tidying up jobs to do it makes me think I am helping him. I am finding it must harder to bend and if I was going to fall I wouldn't be able to get up on my own my arms wouldn't be able to support me even holding on to something I still wouldn't be able to get up I have this phone now with an armband that I can press if I am in trouble and someone will come and help me . Like you I should give up and relax and forget about everything . But I would soon get bored . No I am just going to keep going I would miss going to the Theatre with all my friends or going away for day outings which I have organised myself ( being a Coordinator in a club ) we enjoy our outings my Daughter keeps telling me at my age I should (86) I should pass what I do onto someone else . No one likes these jobs. I've been doing it for almost 9 years now. I will retire one of these days . So what will I do with myself Sylvia I've had RA and OA for many years but I've never given in to it
Margaret i say the day i give up is the day i die. Giving up is not a option as i feel there is more gardening to do and places to go to with my darling hubby,so giving up is not an option. I like that your gardener gives you things to do that keeps your hand in with it. Hubby does help a lot more with our garden as i am struggling just with the energy to do anything. There is a lot of things i think i will have to give up,but not yet.xxxxxx
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