Trying to avoid stress related flare

[kt11]

Just lost my job and my Dad is coming to the final stages of cancer, he and my Mom live 120 miles away and I just can't afford to be ill as I need to support them. I'm trying to stay calm but my heart is pounding all the time

[oldtimer]

Oh dear, you have got a bucketful of stress at present. At least, if you don't have a job you have the time (perhaps?) to be a support for your parents.

Practice your relaxation techniques - have you got a CD? - and your breathing exercises. Talk to anyone who will listen about how you are feeling to share your burden and take as much exercise as you can to burn off all that adrenaline you're producing at the moment with that racing pulse.

[kt11 in reply to oldtimer]

Thank you oldtimer x

[Lorin]

Good heavens. You have so much going on. I was in a similar spot when my dad had cancer my mother had COPD and my husband left the kids and I. Reach out to friends (it makes them feel good to help you). Remember that God is ultimately in control and that you can only control your actions. Treat yourself to some warm baths and some good self care (whatever that looks like for you). For me it is a walk in the sunshine with the dogs. A good movie with mom and some hugs. I tried to remember that I am only one person and I can't be everything to everyone and you especially with RA. God bless and I will send prayers and well wishes.

[kt11 in reply to Lorin]

Thank you xxx

[CloudTreeDrive13]

You have a lot on your plate right now. Understandable that you want to support your parents but please look after yourself. Take time to rest and write a list of things to do. Hopefully your dad has all his affairs in order so taking some anxiety off you. Allowing yourself to grieve which in turn will help you to be there for your mum. I lost my brother to lung cancer in August with no arrangements made - it was awful. I am the last one left now with only memories remaining. Take care. Thinking of you at this awful time xxxx

[kt11 in reply to CloudTreeDrive13]

Thank you so much, I was feeling very low when your reply came. I am so sorry about your brother, I am thinking about you xxxx

[CloudTreeDrive13 in reply to kt11]

Thank you for your kindness xxxx

[Hidden]

Oh I'm so sorry. I lived through the same stress as you back in 2014-2015. A dying father, a RA flare.....Please don't berate yourself if you can not travel to see your father. Your father knows you love him, nothing can change that.

All my love to you

Sue

[kt11]

Thank you so much Sue. Xxx

[nomoreheels]

It's a rotten time you're going through it's enough losing a job but you've the added concerns & worries with your dad but be kind to yourself, though it's hard I know. I was in the more fortunate position that I was a lot younger & fitter when my mum & dad died (23 & 33) but it was still stressful so I understand that heart-pouding feeling. I don't know if you're an only child as I was but if so that makes it doubly stressful because it's just you.

As you don't have a job is it possible this is in some way helpful, could you make yourself available more speedily? Your mum may not ask you but maybe this is what's needed, this kind of support doesn't cost & it'll be a real help once your dad does pass, we don't like to think of this when they're still with us but it's a truly horribly time for you, think what it's like for your mum. I truly hope that doesn't sound as though I think I'm not considering how you're feeling but I'm sure your support would be welcome.

Most of all you've you be content with whatever you do. Your dad loves you wherever you are & whatever situation you're in, remember that & try not to stress. I'm in a similar position & doing all I can not to just now, that way I'll be in a better place all round for the coming week. Thinking of you. x

[kt11 in reply to nomoreheels]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply, I'm at my parents now and things are a bit better, my Dad has improved a bit. I am lucky to have four siblings but they live quite far but they do as much as they can.

I hope you are alright, I am thinking about you x