so fed up

I wish I could think straight. been up and down a few days now. the pain around me seems like i'm whinging all the time. Just want to sleep. On top of all this I have to baby sit tonight till the morning, so's to get granchildren ready for school. My daughter has an exam in uni and needs to leave her house for 7-15 to get there. I'll then get the kiddies ready for school. I can then come home and go to bed, only after sorting hubby and his legs out. he has cellulitis and with him on warfarin i found a good antibiotic for helping his lewgs that won't interfere with his tabletys. I have found tumeric is vey good. i have been giving it him 3 times a day in milk, and his legs are showing signs of healing.

18 Replies

  • I think with what you have on your plate you are entiled to be fed up. Many people have been sympathetic with my condition but concerned that i deal with it alone, i feel that i am fortunate that when i am bad i have no one else to consider or be responsible for and if i need to rest i pretty much can. I dont think i could cope with having to justify myself or excuse what i need to do to cope.

    Sometimes the advice given on an aeroplane applies," fit your own oxygen mask first before trying to help others".

  • Hah! while I was laboriously typing my reply to moody mum, you got in first! I think we're saying much the same thing. Good morning to you Leon! Must go and feed my robin, he won't shut up till he gets his breakfast!

  • Good morning. Yes i think its a close match. I adore robins,beautiful little birds and such strong and fiesty little characters. The last photo i have of my dad 52 years back is him digging in the garden with a robin waiting for the worms.

  • Yes robins are amazing, in fact all birds are - I'm bird daft! Or, just daft....I seem to have about 10 robins , but its prob the same one overworking! Every time I go out to feed the stupid bird, he (she?) flies off, then some very aggressive starlings come and scoff the lot!! In case anyone's interested, American robins are the size of our blackbirds. But then, everything's bigger in the US, is it not?!! By the way Leon, you wrote that your dad was digging in the garden with a robin - surely he could've used a spade like everyone else?!! Ha ha, sorry am in a stupid mood today! Must be time for my pills...😊

  • Ha ha ha - I had to laugh at your "everything's bigger in the US" and all I could think of is, "including the people, right?"..

  • I'll have to be careful how I answer that won't I?! You've got USA in your username! My "prodigal daughter" is now a US citizen... Love your cat, is it a Maine Coon? I'd like one of those eventually. Unless I end up in a care home first!

  • Actually she is a Norwegian Mountain Forest Cat.. Very large breed, and SO MUCH FUR!!! Man... My hubby brushes her every day for at least half an hour to keep the hairballs down, and I tend to the nether regions ;-)

    But she is our sweet girl no matter what. Thanks for the laugh. I just added the USA because I got tired of trying to find a "unique" user name - ha ha

  • But you ARE American, right? I just looked back at all your posts from when you joined! And as my daughter (we're Scottish) married an American boy, I consider myself to be half-Yankee! Or, I did.....but there have been major relationship problems and she has cut off all contact..... her choice, not mine. It breaks my heart but at least I know it's NOT all my fault. All of which adds to the stress, and I too agree that stress is a major trigger for RA, it certainly was for mine. I've come to realize that we can be living with chronic stress and not even be aware of it. Anyway, on a more positive note, that is one BEAUTIFUL cat you got there!!! Yes, I bet you could spend all day grooming her..... Y'all take care! (See? I even speak the language, ha ha !!)

  • Oh yes - I love my country - totally American.. I am so sorry to hear about your daughter cutting you off. I have a friend that looks much like Silvi, and she has had the same issue for at least 12 years. Now her daughter and her partner are coming to California for Christmas so she is very excited... And it wasn't her fault either - she actually could never figure out what happened and her daughter won't tell her. I wish you luck in getting back together, because you are right, that is a major stressor and contributor to the RA.

    Thank you for your kind words. I can't take credit for the kitty's looks - ha ha - but I can tell you she is sweet, and one of the smartest animals I have ever known.

    Yes, y'all did great :-). have a wonderful day!

  • We've got an amazing Robin too. Well we have a front garden Robin and a back garden one - don't think it is the same one. The front one nearly had a fit last week when we changed a mirror in our camper and left the old one propped up against the garage wall until we could take it to the top.

    Little Robin sang his little heart out then started attacking the intruder he saw in the mirror, he even hopped onto a window ledge above the mirror to see behind it.

    Entertaining as it wad I turned the mirror round and his life went back to normal.

    Moody mum, not surprised you're fed up. Tell them you feel tired then try and get them all into their pyjamas then bed as early as you can hopefully the kids will sleep all night and you can get a decent sleep, if that doesn't happen just focus on getting everything done and getting to bed once you have sorted everyone else out.

    On the way home treat yourself to a little something nice a bunch of flowers or a bar of chocolate and be kind to yourself because you deserve it.

    Fix your own oxygen mask is great advice. You've got to look after yourself because you look after so many other people. ☀️

  • Love that robin story!!

  • Hi there, I don't know you or your circumstances, but I DO know that you can't do it all!! As women we often feel we HAVE to "do it all", and sometimes the best thing you can do is say "No". If you are ill with RA, and also looking after a sick hubby, that's more than enough. Your daughter has chosen to have children, and they're her responsibility - not yours! If that sounds a little harsh, I'm sorry, and I'm sure you love your grandchildren to bits, but if your own health is suffering, then maybe you need to have a talk with your daughter, and help her sort out some other childcare possibilities? You don't need to feel guilty either! Our bodies won't heal if we're under stress from trying to do too much.

    As for turmeric, Yes it can help with inflammation, as long as you've checked with doctor /pharmacist that it's ok with your hubby's meds?

    I hope this doesn't come across as me "lecturing" you, I don't mean it like that at all, and have a lot of sympathy for you. It's just that sometimes you do have to put yourself first. I hope you got a good night's sleep, at least. Take care.

  • What's interesting is a friend of mine that retired quite early because she could, and is now almost a full time nanny for three of her six grandchildren. While she doesn't have RA, I feel bad for her for the same reason - Constantly taking care of the kids, and no life of her own. I stopped her in her walking tracks the other day (we walk together when we can) when I asked her if she retired just to take care of the kids... But it is hard when you know they need the help I think. And now many of us are in the sandwich generation - elders at home, and kids with their kids coming home....

  • Moody Mum - feel 4u and your exhaustion... had similar probs but have had 2do less 4 grandkids and daughter-son-in-law and as time goes by they have all got to know neighbours in their street as kids in same classes / after school clubs. so... turntaking at lifts, playdates etc has now moved to sleepovers and we mostly do weekend sleepovers. could this help, cd u encourage it if ok neighbours etc.. ginger can help inflammation too. take care xoxox

  • Poor Moody-mum, I really feel for you too. I remember when I was at my peak of suffering, I could hardly get out of bed. I don't think I can cope with all your have now. I do agree the oxygen mask story is the best, if you are not well, it will be hard for you to take care of others.

    May be another option is to tell the grand kids that you are very sick with RA and get them to look after things around for you. Give them some responsibilities, they may be able to help out really. Just try and see. Take good care, dear!

  • HI all 1st time I have been able to near this laptop. Its been crazy, I'm still on 24 hour watch now with my son's wife who is about to give birth any time now and I'm the taxi to get her to hospital. Hubby's legs are done for the night. I haven't seen my bed now for nearly 3 days, I'm just off to the next lot of babysitting as the grankids are now on a weeks break. I just might see my bed on Thursday. I have had to increase my gabapentin by another 100mg as my arms and legs feel like someones is drawing a knife down them, I could scream for England. I so wish is was easy just to look after myself, but with 9 kids and 24 soon to be 25 grankids its not so easy. I hope you are all doing ok and thank you for giving me a bit more strength as I don't have anyone I can actually talk to about my lows. Family are the worst when it comes to me, I probably give them the wrong impression as I don't let them know how I am feeling. After looking after my mum before she passed family didn't want to know so it left up to me as per usual. Thats probably whats made me so hard about myself. We will fight on (as they say). tomorrow is another day. We have a robin that sits on the door step every morning waiting for his tit bits. If the kitchen windows open he comes in and sit on the edge of the sink. Hubby puts seed in a saucer and puts outside on the window sill for him. He is quite used to us now.

  • The grand kids are the responsibilities of your kids not yours. Under all these stress, the pain will kill you really. My advice is to tell your kids of your suffering and get them to arrange the baby sitting themselves.

    I could not even drive when I was at my peak of suffering. I could not turn my head, I could not lift my hands up much and I could not move my fingers easily. I am not sure how you can be the taxi these days.

    It is your decision on how to move on. You need to take good care of your body first.

  • Although you love your grandchildren, you are unable to babysit them as you and your hubby have health issuses. It is ok to say this to your daughter. It is not a lame excuse, it is reality. Please don't feel guilty. Your daughter needs to worry about who is going to babysit her children, not you. Your life and health is valuable.

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