Happy Christmas & Healthy New Year ๐Ÿ’‹

Hi everybody. I've not spent much time here recently but hope to cheer up anyone who is feeling down in the dumps.

With all my preparations for the triplet grandsons' 4th birthday cakes for 19th December and the run up to Christmas, I rather stupidly overlooked the fact that I was constipated! Having never gone longer than 4 days between bowel movements (Let's call them poos) I should have realised sooner. My increasing girth, lack of appetite & nausea really should have set alarm bells ringing (merrily on high).

On Thursday morning I awoke to excruciating pains and was doubled over. Rushing as much as I could to the bathroom, panic set in. Would this clear before Christmas? After producing clear mucus and no poo I decided to ring 111. I was instructed that 6 days wasn't too bad and that I should see my GP. Since I last wrote on here, I have finally been allocated my new GP and has luck could be, he had an emergency appointment so off I went.

His solution was to give me another stronger laxative, some suppositories and to increase my Lactulose. He said if they didn't work I should go back next Tuesday!! Next Tuesday?!

Well, I was very lethargic on Christmas Eve and still in pain but battled on hoping for a Christmas poo.

I did manage to eat a very small dinner (cooked brilliantly by my husband) thinking that Brussels would do the job. Fat chance! Talking about Fat, my girth was still expanding.

This morning I thought I'd better ring 111 again and give them more information about the nature of my other 'problems'. This time I spoke to a youngish sounding guy who apologised for all the questions he was having to ask and also said he had no medical training. Whilst talking to him I could almost imagine him squirming in his chair at the thought of going 8 days without a poo. He said he would get someone from the Out of Hours to ring me. It took 2 minutes and I was booked in this afternoon.

Bored yet? He examined me, agreed I couldn't wait until Tuesday and gave me a small tube containing an enema which could be self administered (in my case, my husband did it for me). We had a laugh whilst he donned his head torch, grabbed his DIY extendable mirror and his walking stick (all the better to part the arse cheeks) and proceeded to practice his method on one of the dogs, (photo opportunity). I'm glad to say he didn't need any of this garb and everything went smoothly. The doctor said I should keep the preparation up for 15 minutes and by that time I should 'produce stool'. Oh yes, a likely story!!

I even managed longer but sadly no sign of poo.

Whilst sitting on the toilet (sorry), I decided to get more information on this failure of an enema, so Googled it. Aha, you can get it online at Amazon - ยฃ9.99 for a box of 12. Having nothing else more exciting to do I thought I would look up some reviews. I hit the jackpot with the first one!

'Apart from it arriving in a damaged packet and the courier telling his wife that her husband's bum cream had arrived, he went on to describe the process (as above). Sadly, his didn't work either so after an hour or so he went out to do some shopping. Unfortunately, whilst walking through the freezer section he felt something like a thermonuclear explosion in his trousers which he could do nothing to control!! Needless to say, him and his wife no longer frequent that branch of Sainsbury's'.

The doctor said if it didn't work I should go to A&E but I daren't go out! I'll have to wait until tomorrow morning now.

Lots of love to everyone. ToD xx

3 Replies

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  • Hi TempleofDoom, still laughing at the thermonuclear reaction in the freezer department, I know I shouldn't but the way that you describe it is amusing!! An joy in the poo depatyment??

    A Happy Christmas to you and everyone else and lets hope for a good New Year!! At least we don't have any snow or ice with it being so mild, but feel so sorry for all the people who have been flooded, some several times over!! xxxx

  • Oh my i shouldn't laugh,but i am i know your in pain. Go to the chemists and get syrup of figs its old fashioned i know,but it works.xxxxxx

  • My Mum used to give us that if we had problems. I just loved the taste. I've not had any for years but good idea!

    Anyway, as instructed - Day 9 and I'm off to A&E this morning! Wish me luck!! ToD xx

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