Thankyou for your support

Its been hard to come to terms with my illness om only 53 and im alone.. my son comes and does no help for me unless he has my money... ive now decided to cut him out of my life as his abuse towards me is unforgivable... makes me cry all the time... im lucky i have one friend who supports me... but im alone alot and my son knows this.... i suffer with oters r.a. and my mobility is limited on morphine... but im housebound if he doesnt come.. ive decidrd to have taxi in my life now... he takes money for petrol alot.. so im betta off he doesnt come....he has no undastanding and says im a embassment... with my walking... no more ive had it... thanks sheena lovely repy..ive come on post nowxxx

34 Replies

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  • You are not alone here it hurts when your children or close family seem to turn on you it hurts both my daughter have done this to me its a case of I am no use to them now after 15 of baby sitting I was told I was making my self a victim to ra and fibromyalga plus a heart condition my son is there for me they fell out with him for being there for me saying I love he more than them l have just had to let them go we need or strength to fight for good days it will come home to them one day you would be surprised how many people get pushed to one side because they are I'll hope you feel better soon

  • Oh thank you yes i know its hard but i lost my other son ten yesrs ago he was golden.. awful to say but he was the wrong one taken..it hurts as his anniversary is nearby and xmas can be lonely...ive got a good friend but i dont see much of her.. thank god she coming to one of my appointments.. i need her for this one...esa as them been mess me around ... but good news just had appointment with a fite on my hands...yes im sad today and hurt... but it was all over money i wouldnt give him any for his new car... so he started abuses me.. but i told him go away .. hopefully il praying he does .. as he has all my money from me... i got to be strong NOW FOR MEXX

  • I've read some of your replies Dawnie & just had to say I'm so sorry for the way things are for you. Just you keep in mind that at the touch of a button you'll be amongst people who do understand & do care. x

  • Thank you so much it helps when you feel so alone in this world.. im painfree today so thats a bonus for me.. im going to attempt to clean as it needs some tender loving care dust everywer.. im sad but must go forward... as i cannot let this person drag me down anymore.. atime now to trooper on i guess... thank you so much for replyxxxx

  • To be honest its so sad, and its hard to read but aren't there any groups local to you or church activities etc. Your unlucky with your son but perhaps he just does not know how to deal with RA. And you don't say if you have any other family, or neighbours. I'd suggest joining a local class to meet people band and try to just rise above such selfishness.

    But you are not alone the internet is great for finding stuff out as long as one is careful and never gives out personal stuff or makes an arrangement to meet in anywhere but a public place. So then why not go to a NRAS meeting close to you, we all have some problems is I can walk just fine although it hurts but my right hand looks odd.

    So you have friends here and try to go out and meet more...xx

  • Yes i agree just need motivation and self worth as ive had all my confidence pulled out of me mentally drained... as ive had to pay my way in life to get help... this now i know and it stops from today... no more hand outs i shouldnt have to buy my way in life... but thank you i will look at some support groups... i have nothink to lose now... thank you so much for your lovely reply reguards to you dawnxx

  • It is not nice when you do not get any support from family members when ill.

    The problem He may have is he sees illness and pain as a weakness, I went through that from my family. It is a shame that they do not see pain and stiffness could happen to them as well so it is something many with RA need to suffer on their own time.

    If the problem happens regularly, give Him up as a bad job. If it is causing to much upset.

    I have cut myself of from family and like you I was unable to hack it anymore, we disappeared, it was the best thing I ever did. Of course I understand that is not possible for most people. You must be strong as I would worry if He became a bit to persistant

    Good Luck

    BOB

  • Thank you so much yes its getting to abuse now name calling.. blackmailing me tell me i cant get in his car.. ive just paid tax for it 70.00 i dont get mobility componant im on a rethink aswell my money is very limited... but he still takes takes... now ive come to a point NOMORE... as i can see he hates me so much and he becoming controlling... he smokes pot and works but his money goes all on that... then he exspects me to keep him he is 30 now ive kept him all my life i need things too. I go without for him... just cant go on now... its got to stop... im now not coping with nasty insults to how kind ive been... im sorry he is history....

  • You have been very strong in coming to these decisions, so I hope things change for the better for you. If you haven't already done so, make an appointment with the disability advisor at your local CAB (they can sometimes come to you if you are housebound) and get them to do a full benefits and entitlements check. Different regions have different things available, and it may be that you can get some help with transport, or other things. Also, even though you are only 53, it might be worth phoning Age Concern and seeing if they can offer any help with things like transport or around the home. They normally only deal with people over 60, but in some areas will help people under 60 with disabilities. CAB should also be able to let you know about any other kinds of support or support groups in your area.

  • Lovely advise thank you.. yes im very proud person i can drive but my disability is stop me.. but someone told me to get a automatic. As i drive manual. So im look into get a run around.. now he is out of my life i might be able to save a few pennies ... about time i found myself... independance is difficult.. but a good day will get me out...i got to be hopeful in not going to be a HERMIT... I feel great today beleive it or not NO STRESS.... so i beleive he was making my illnesd worst.. got a friend coming for dinna...x he will cook lol... also bring in my shopping.. so there is a light at end of a tunnel.. he happy ive got rid of this burden he is prepared to help me now... before he wouldnt has he didnt like my son abuseing me...ive told him ive made a stand ... he agree with me but i must stand by it...or this friend will vanish for ever... has he doesnt beleive in LIVING OF A DISABLED PERSON... he was fumming the way my last 6 months have been hell.....i havent been pay my bills as my son been taking my money... now i can....so there is a OPEN DOOR i must carry on and be STRONG NO MORE HANDOUTS....XXX

  • Hi there I have read your story about your son and I,m sorry to say this but he is a complete shit .It must be very hurtful for you to have a son treat you in this utterly unacceptable and disgusting way. I am glad that you have decided to cut him out of your life. It has made me angry that a son can treat his mother in this. This is abuse and if he comes to your house phone the police you are a vulnerable adult. I believe in karma and he is due one big doze of it. Continue to keep him away from you and concentrate on building up your own life without him. It is hard I know. I have 4 children and although I have not experienced abuse to your level it has happened to me with one of my daughters and I had to cut her out of my life. It hurt me so bad. You ask yourself "Am I such a bad mother that she treats me this way? Is this in some way my fault? The answer to this is no! Does this son have any children of his own? My daughter changed her attitude somewhat when she had children and feels bad that she treated me with lack of respect etc so maybe he will see the error of his ways. For now though you continue to be strong and tell yourself this is not your fault.

    mags

  • Good for you some times we have to take a stand and say I will not be made to feel bad about my ra or any other illnesses I my have you just don't need to be treated like that I have three son's and not one of them have made me feel bad stay strong and lots of love xx

  • I'm afraid that his behaviour sounds abusive - he sees you are fragile and easy to bully. The only way to deal with a bullies is to stand up to them.

  • Yes ive awoken and agree i dont like bullys ..i hasten to add he does not take after me.. im a very easy going person i have a big heart.. help anyone... but he is a monster... i cannot beleive i made this person... im not blame myself anymore...theres only so much you can take as a human being...he is clever and a good liar...he turns his words into the devil..try to make me look the bad person...he needs help...ive taken my key back so im safe..as now i dont have to let him in...i feel its for the good...he needs to pray for his sins....i hope god steers him in the right direction..i cannot help him anymore im totally drained mentally....xxxx

  • It is sad that there are wicked people in the world that prey on our weaknesses and yea it happens to good people. These sort of people see kindness as weakness and I do believe you when you say that he is nothing like you. We bring these children into our life (4) and teach them how to be good people and hope that they inherit a lot of our good qualities. I hate it when people blame the parents for the way their kids turn out. I know we are responsible for some of the way they behave but at the end of the day they are a unique person and make their own choices in how they behave right or wrong. I actually think that you have been very kind to your son and not denied him the things he needed. Now this has turned to abuse and you need to continue to keep him away.

  • Hi Dawn just wanted to congratulate you. You have awoken! So many of us have to come to the unfortunate point where we realise that some of our kids are only there to receive & when they don't receive they no longer want you around.

    Pot smoking causes paranoia, then the person becomes abusive, accusing & bullying. Has your son's personality changed over a period of time? Did he start pot after his brother died?

    You have made the right choice in lessening the stress in your life, you do not need the abuse or being taken from.

    Your son has to make his own way in life & learn his own lessons all by himself good & bad. And so do you.

    I wish to send you lots of love and light in what may seem a lonely and upsetting time, but look around you and find others to help and share. The universe will support you as long as you believe it will.

    Hugs xxx

  • Yes lovely kind words ... im over whelmed he has phoned me just and well he was given his marching orders... he was only after money... im so proud of myself i refused.... i do need a BIG PACK ON MY BACK☺

  • So proud of you Dawn!

    Well done, you don't need the hassle love. 😃 😁 😄

  • Well done dawn. Sending not only a big pat on the back, but big hugs too. xxx

  • I am glad you refused him money I feel like wringing his neck at the cheek of him

  • Thank you maggie i know its a difficult time for me thank you so much for your comments... uplifting for me xxx

  • So sorry to hear how selfish your son is. Look after yourself. Maybe he will mature

  • Yes im proud of myself... BIG HUGS AND KISSES TO YOU ALL LIFTED MY SPIRIT..IM HAPPY TODAY ...its a new start for me im going to grab it with both hands and rejoice to my god....thank you my faith keeps me strongxxxx

  • Your not alone xxxx

  • Your comments made me so sad. I'm SO sorry that you have to go through this on top of having to deal with your illness. I understand where you are coming from though. I have one son, and he doesn't want to hear about my health...doesn't care I guess. I'm lucky that I have my wonderful husband to rely on. But I made the decision this year that sometimes you have to cut these people out of your life to take care of yourself. I love my son dearly, but he's a selfish, self-centered person and I won't let him treat me this way any longer. It really triggers me when he says the things he does. I raised him by myself after his father and I got divorced when he was 4 years old. But genes will out so many of the times. When last he emailed me a really ugly email, I could close my eyes and hear his father coming out of his mouth. I went through mental/emotional abuse for 7 years with my ex, I don't and won't take it from my son! So, I say all of this to say that I understand where you are coming from and you are not a bad person for cutting him out of your life. You are in survival mode, and you don't need any more "pain" in your life. Gentle hugs, and please PM me if you want to talk.

    Vicki

  • Arrh yes it all sounds familar too me you think you are the only one...you question yourself to why and where you have gone wrong..wen my other son died my whole world STOPPED...that and still is a big black hole in my heart..but i done a very bad thing i SPOILT MY ONLY SON LEFT..HE IS GAY SO HE TOOK AWAY FROM ME BEING A GRANDMA... i know what all of you think..and i know my thinking is wrong ..but ive tried and tried he seems to think i owe him....and he blames me for his sexuality...but its more complex i guess... i just go back to my beleif ..and pray alot these days...alot....as ive been on my own and somehow my faith has held me together....im sure i would have ended up in a gutter if i keep letting him take...as he buys the best clothes designer...and he asked me for deposit on brand new car... oh he has a new car already...but he wants a more flash one...compliments of me I DONT THINK SO...TOLD HIM NO...so im all alone again as my money isnt talkingxxxx

  • So sorry to hear your story. Unfortunately there are many people who are ignorant of the symptoms of RD and it must hurt terribly to be treated like this by your family. As has been said, what a blessing this site is. You need never feel that no-one cares because on here we all care. As the saying goes, it takes one to know one and we all know the pain, fatigue, depression, etc that this awful disease brings with it. Please keep posting and remember there is always a friendly reply on here. Best wishes x

  • I know shelia been a god send too me today brillant support...so pleased ive joinedx best thing ive ever done...im going forward now...bless you allxxxx

  • You are not alone.

    I can relate to how you feel and how destressing it is to have to make the decision to cut yourself off.

    Lots of love.

    Stay strong.

    Xx

  • Well done to you for being so strong, you deserve a big pat on the back, your life will get better now, it is time to start looking after "you" now

  • Yes im going to try even harder now.. i do feel stress free today... its strange but its the best decision ive made in my life for a long long time😆😆

  • Hi please don't suffer any more there's lots of help about I'm sure the people on here will be able to help more than I can about transport and help in other ways it's just not fare on you that your son doesn't see how much he's hurting you but remember to look after your self X Dawn

  • Dear dawniee,

    so sorry to hear about how tough things have been for you. Sadly, we hear about similar things that you mention on the helpline frequently. Please feel free to call the helpline anytime to talk:

    0800 298 7650 Monday - Friday 9.30am - 4.30pm

    I don't know if you have already looked at the groups section on our website but just in case you haven't I have put a link below to it:

    nras.org.uk/groups

    This is a very supporting group of people on here with much experience and insight. Hope things improve for you soon.

    Regards

    Beverley (NRAS Helpline)

  • That is incredibly sad! I logged off the computer and immeditately called my mom to say I love her. Hopefully he comes around and grows up to be a man, you aren't alone! We are in this together dawnie

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