Before RA, I never had that feeling of urgency. I am retired from a school district as a director and took a job as a principal/teacher in a psychiatric hospital helping 18 to 21 year olds complete their high school education. I always planned to start a business after my son completed school, but I took a leisurely approach toward life, and delayed my dream to start a business which would be beneficial to our society and offer me some income.
All of the sudden, RA appeared quite unexpectedly on the horizon and with it came a feeling urgency. Life became all of the sudden quite finite. I no longer can lounge around and smell the spring flowers, I have to accomplish my goals before the disease builds greater barriers.
When the stiffness is gone, I feel as if I am in paradise. In some respects, RA has taught me to be more grateful for the pleasant moments. I was always so preoccupied with something and did not enjoy the special moments that life offers.
I still need to whine a little less and be less obsessed with the progression of the disease, and I need to do the things I always planned to do earlier rather than later.
Written by
Bob11235
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You really put it well. I too have a greater sense of urgency. There's an irony in it arriving when I'm on the cusp of old age and have a chronic disease that slows me down, but I can live with that and yes, it's the disease that has brought it about. On good days I think I feel more alive than I used to, more real and focused, less deluded or distracted by unimportant things. That's the good stuff, and there's plenty of the other stuff, but I'll leave it at that!
I really haven't had RA very long and I am trying to be as positive as possible. My doctor presented it in a possible manner by saying, "Bob, good news, you don't have lupus. Maybe, I should be happy because it's not lupus, Alzheimer's, or ALS. Although it has affected my relationship with Jack Daniels and Johnny Walker, since the MTX doesn't mix well with alcohol. Thanks for listening and have a great day.
I know where your coming from & couldn't of worded it better myself.
I try never to put off things for tomorrow. If it's a nice day & sometimes even if it isn't & my feet are behaving, I go for a long walk. I take everything in, instead of rushing from here to there. I make the most of the good days. I wish I'd visited more exotic places, I'd always planned to. That seems very unlikely now but I still plan to buy a motor home & travel round Europe.
As for relationships, I still have a good one with red wine!
Yes this is an excellently expressed post and I agree with the sentiments 100%. I just have to try not to panic presently while in some huge flare - that it might all be too late for the next big adventure I am rearing for in my imagination!
Bob I am being an opportunist here, and hope this isn't too cheeky a question on your very positive post. But do you have circulation issues with your RA I wonder? I asked this here on this community last night and lots of women have said they suffer from sweats and swings in body thermostat- but no men have responded yet.
It would be very interesting to know if men with RA get this symptom too. For me it either leads to the heart pounding panic moments or is the outcome of them. With this in mind I've spend the past hour doing my yoga exercises and breathing because I find this helps me. And it's raining and cold here so I can't face walking the dogs! Even if I only get a few reasonably well hours a day I use them very thoughtfully now.
Take care of yourself too. You will probably achieve more than many who don't have RA or a chronic disease because you use your well time better. Tx
An interesting question. I take metoprolol 100mg for tachycardia which is not related to the RA, so this drug prevents the chest pounding that I had some 15 years back. My body temperature is slightly less than 97 degrees Fahrenheit and I never experience any type of hot flashes.
I am developing some depressive issues which seem to be more physiological than psychological. Iam happy to answer an question that you may have.
I don't know when you were diagnosed Bob but having trouble with depression is a pretty common issue with RA. I don't think it's only about living with pain and acceptance about the limitations it will place on our ambitions/ aspirations- I believe it is part of the inflammatory process.
I've always been quite a philosophical person re pain and unwellness but RA/ autoimmunity has floored me at times. I see a counselor now and this has helped but she struggles to understand that RA is a recognised disease and tends to compare it with her clients with Fibro and ME. I don't mind this too much because I think there is much overlap anyway - but I do end up getting quite defensive and stressing the physiological aspects over the psychological to her for this reason.
Personally I think it's all absolutely logical that an autoimmune process would cause us to become very depressed at times though. After all our bodies are attacking their own tissue and this in itself must be very waring. On the other hand I am loathe to give into it and have taken on a lot of new projects since my RA started over four years ago.
If you don't have these swings in body temperature/ fevers/ chills then I am guessing this makes it more likely to be a hormonal problem than one of RA for many of us.
Just to say, you mention depression ..... following on from your very positive post. Interesting combination but, to my mind, not necessarily contradictory.
I hope you'll feel able to vent, rant ..... or even, god forbid .... whine as well if needs be. We all get it & understand that fear can come up behind unexpectedly. It doesn't make you 'lesser' to have those times.
Emotionally, I probably am not that pulled together. I try to view RA intellectually as a defense mechanism.
Truthfully, even the thought of RA frightens me. My grandmother had RA and I remember more about its affect on her than I do about her since she died when I was six. My father as well as a number of cousins and aunts picked it up latter and finally me.
I noticed we have some things in common - we're both educators and live relatively close to each other, so I thought I'd write you. I'm so sorry to hear about your RA and understand your sense of urgency. A sense of hopelessness is often a common thread among those with this problem. Though I've never experienced RA, I have had a mitral valve prolapse for years, which limited me to some extent, until I found something that helped, and I believe even cured my health problem. I won't go into details here, but if you're interested, you can read my bio. I believe that it can help your problem, too, since I've read of many testimonies of people who also had RA and have been helped. I wish you the best, my friend.
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