More poetry: Silently

I find myself silently weeping, weeping,

In time to the metronome tick of the rain,

I can't find the place where the tears first began,

But they won't be denied or disclaimed.

Pain was my friend once, my proof of existence,

Tears were the banners I flew in defiance,

But now as I silently, silently weep,

I'm cold and I'm weary and lost.

-M. Statham 2015

Siiiigh. not my best day. The weather's changing, so my everything hurts. It was never in my aspirations to become a human barometer. This will get better, right? I'll stop feeling so...broken? I know that life's not fair, but there's still a part of me bellowing 'This is too much! IT'S NOT FAIR!' How do I come to peace with that? How do you?

The Bat

4 Replies

  • I´m sorry you¡re having such a rough time just now but it's the worst time, starting on your meds & nobody being able to guarantee they will work. But they given patience & time do & you could be lucky & react well to your first, or second like me. Do you not have a helpline in Canada like we have the NRAS here, someone to speak to who can assure you things will improve?

    When you get that it's not fair feeling just give a thought to someone in a worse position. There's always one I can think of be it a little child with a pot belly in Africa who´s tears also fall but he hurts because he has no food, a person just diagnosed with cancer & having no treatment options. Or my h who will have his chest opened up on Monday so he can start to live life again once he's fully recovered. Try to thing of the good things coming, your guide dog, the spring, warmer days. Sometimes it helps just to talk about it as you are doing now, get it out & realise you're not alone in how you're feeling, each & every one of us have been there to a lesser or greater extent. :)

  • I feel your pain darlin, I do. When I was were you are now I tried to find words to express just how I was feeling to my brother, who genuinelly wanted to I'm in my mid 60's and living alone my first word was 'vulnerable'. Then 'half dead' as this disease was devouring my entire body, sometimes it felt like Jean was disapearing but inside there was this tiny molicule of ME, the ME that was always there and always would be until they put the lid on.

    Like many people, in my life I had endured many, many hardships of many kinds. I have had years of councilling and been medicated since my early 20's...... none the less I was told once that I was a very, very strong woman. I had come through alot and I survived, went on to build a new life for myself, graduated from University at 51, made a completly new life that brought me wonderful experiences, travel, brilliant social life, a chance at love again, three gorgeous grandchildern, my first home that was actually mine......I could go on and on....

    The point is....the ME is still alive and kicking (well maybe not kicking!). Yes I still feel very vulnerable, thats natural under the circumstances, but on my really bad days I try to make myself 'aware' of ME and know that she will take charge again.....maybe not today or this month but she is there and isn't going anywhere.

    My ME is like a form of meditation isn't it? Just asking as I remember learning about that one....yourspecial place, inner peace......would love to know if anyone knows more about that.

    Bat, I'm rambling now.....hope all that made some sense......thinking about you today pet. XX

  • so glad you found your place in this harsh world I hope I find my place again one day you have give me a lift up


  • XX

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