I nearly cried this morning. I don't do crying.
It was a beautiful sunny morning and I had the windows open, I was in my second hour of trying to move around and get dressed. I could hear people washing their cars and mowing their lawns. It was that feeling I remember when I was a child, sent to bed early, sun still shining, and hearing your friends playing outside.
I thought this isn't me, this isn't how my life should be, i love walking, I love my garden, used to love washing my cars (2 old VW's) and going away in the camper van. I haven't been able to even walk my wee dogs for days.
But in the end it is what it is, and I thought if I can't do what I love I'll try to love what I can do, so I sat in my garden swing ignoring the parts of my garden that 'need' something done, and listened to the birds and felt the heat of the sun, cuddled one little old yorkie (she's 15) whilst I threw a toy as best I could for the other.
It could've been so much worse if I'd allowed myself to feel guilty about what I couldn't do as I had started to in the morning.
It doesn't work all the time sadly, but today it did and I'm grateful for that.
You can't help what you can't help, I live alone have to see to every little thing that needs to be done,
so I do feel guilty at times, when visitors come round and I've done no housework for a week I try to make light of it but I do feel guilty and useless sometimes. I get round that by thinking if they judge me then bollocks to them, they don't belong in my house.
Sermon ends : )