I quit in Feb this year for the umpteenth time. Last time I quit, I went 4 months before a major family drama occured and I thought stuff it! I regretted starting again within a week and vowed that next time would be different. Nearly two years later, and I am in exactly the same position again. Only this time, I can't try to blame anything other than my own very weak will.
Believe it or not, I was actually removing my old outdoor ashtray! Five months too late, but I had forgotten about it as it was round the back of my shed (my old smoking haunt). It was almost full of stubs, a lot of which still had life in them. I can't believe I am going to admit to this, but yeah, I thought why not?! So I did. And I did again. And again... (I must add that these were all my own roll-ups as I am am the only person at home to smoke) I soon ran out of the ones with any actual length, but the addiction had kicked in again. I don't go out anywhere, so can't get to the shop. I couldn't ask my wife to get me any bacca or papers as I can't take the shame in letting her down again. So I salvaged all the bitty stubs and took the remaining tobacco out and put it in a bag. I got a suprising amount from the stubs, nearly 25 grammes. But I still had no papers. So I made myslef a very basic and primitive pipe and have been smoking it since last Wednesday, although it tastes awful! Now this is running very low, maybe a day left at best. The habit is well and truly back and I am craving a smoke even now, not half an hour after my last.
I don't really know why I did it. I was absolutely fine until I saw the virtually unsmoked stubs. I don't know any other smokers, so hadn't been exposed to any oppurtunities to test my will power. I was only getting the odd crave very rarely, which soon passed. I was pretty much in the clear, I thought. It was just pure weakness of will.
I am going to have to tell my wife soon and ask her to pick me some tobacco up, or I go back on the champix again - which made me quite ill. I am dreading this either way but I think I would rather smoke than go back on them. Feeling very disappointed with myself and like I have let my family down. We really cant afford my addiction. 5 months nearly, straight down the pan.