Just a little something to end the week...........

[nsd_user663_2783]

Subject: FW: For all of us who appreciate a sense of humor.

It takes a university degree to fly a plane but only an

apprenticeship to fix one: a reassurance for those of us who fly

routinely in their jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe

sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The

mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and

then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' Pilots

(marked with a P) and the Solutions Recorded (marked with an S) By

Maintenance Engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

-------------------------------------

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And The Best One For Last !!

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel . Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

:D:D:D

[nsd_user663_2783]

Excuse me - but what does ROTFPMSL mean (never mind I've just worked it out:o). There are other ones on this forum that I can't just get the hang of though. Perhaps we could have a list with their meanings so those not used to texts can get the gist of them:confused:

Glad you liked the joke though - have a good weekend all.

[nsd_user663_2783]

:DSorry - couldn't resist posting this one:

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea."

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!"

Murphy replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!"

Murphy replied, with a smile. "Don't worry, I have a plan , Cheers! "

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth."

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said "Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin' me!"

Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in."

Hope you enjoyed these two.;)

[nsd_user663_2739]

Excuse me - but what does ROTFPMSL mean (never mind I've just worked it out:o). There are other ones on this forum that I can't just get the hang of though. Perhaps we could have a list with their meanings so those not used to texts can get the gist of them:confused:

There are literally hundreds of these.....take a look at this web site, which is pretty comprehensive:

tomax7.com/html/chat_abbrev...

My favourite is this one:

SNERT -- Snot-Nosed Egotistical Rude Teenager

And of course there are the smoking-related specials, NTAP and NOPE!

HTH

[nsd_user663_2783]

There are literally hundreds of these.....take a look at this web site, which is pretty comprehensive:

tomax7.com/html/chat_abbrev...

My favourite is this one:

SNERT -- Snot-Nosed Egotistical Rude Teenager

And of course there are the smoking-related specials, NTAP and NOPE!

HTH

Thanks Trev - will refer to that list when I can't get the hang of them on here

[nsd_user663_2892]

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel . Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

LOL LOL LOL

I just choked on my sugar free sweetie!!!!!!!:eek::D:D