For anyone and everyoneand those that dont see the helpfullness. Thank you

[Sod6pnts]

Ive randomly come on here and read alot of posts...my heart pours out to anyone feeling down...as I struggle everyday and thats beimg completely honest...STORMCLOUDS POST MAKES ME cry as even in my 40s i get it beimg new to dialysis my self...i couldnt evem begin to realize the journey most of you have faced and continue to as well...This new begining hasn't even fully sunk in yet as I have realizations every single day how things change with my new life....this sight and the posts give me such a sense of calmness in moments of mental turmoil...honestly to know i am not the only one, wthat this is a caring and understanding community we have issues...just WANT TO SAY THANK YOU...THIS is totally open heart as im even crying writing this...even though we are strangers...sometimes it nice to feel like you have a friend...again thank you to whomever this reaches.👍🏻😥

[NurseRed]

I am in my 40s as well and feel so bad for everyone on this terrible journey ive done dialysis 4 years and have battled depression but reading the post i realize how many people need prayer god bless you all

[Sod6pnts]

Thank you...sometimes answers are not the most jealimg words...just some understandimg is all thats needed.👍🏻

[Bassetmommer]

Thei journey is not an easy one. But I always say there are worse things. We are here on this forum in solidarity to say we care about each other. Hang in there, fellow Warrior. You are worthy.

[Beachgirl32]

Welcome to the site. I started my dialysis in February . This is not an easy journey but it is a wonderful that we have an option like dialysis . I do pd dialysis on the cycler at night so I have my days free. I think I would be more depressed if I didn’t have my days free. Sometimes it a pain hooking up every night . I’m in my late 60s so I’m really hoping a transplant will happen before I age out at my center it is 71.

Are you on the transplant list?

[Sod6pnts in reply to Beachgirl32]

No im am not, beginning dialysis and doing the treatments is starting to be easier for me as I suffer from extreme bouts of anxiousness when i first started to when the "air dont feel right" today", moments even now..then came all those other emotioms as the begining started to settle into reality... (for those in wonder, no lies, youll go through it all)...the anger started, the resentment, regrets, feelings of lost hope, wondering about the things I can no longer do, the what ifs, the why nots, etcetera etcetera. Even as I write this, that full body ache settles into the lump in my throat and ache in my core ...guess thats about still healing and will always be an important part of my own journey. I honestly am starting realize writing on here and reading and just letting my self naturally feel what is real within myself is healthy...its helping and I hope others relating to this can find some comfort in knowing yes IT IS SCARY, YES IT IS DEPRESSING, YES THERE ARE DARK TIMES, THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS, which all are just normal..completely normal and healthy. Ignoring that, is not. Recognition and insight are ones truest form of guidance and understanding to acceptance. We can take advice a thousand times over and still not feel whole until we become open and real with ourselves and our developing limitations. Apologies for the lenghty response...im an emotional type and I need to do that. To answer your question...no im not on a transplant list and for being 49 into 50 this November... I want to stick whats feeling good for me at the moment...my mind is not closed to the option and I am not down right refusing it. I just feel for me, knowing what it could entail, Im not thinking its a fully acknowledged acceptance as a possibility for my mental health or lifestyle, as ive just starting to grasp this one...ill ride this road for a bit... Being honest about everything...aside from this, within this new chapter of life for me, currently theres is also alot on my plate personally and I wouldnt be able to focus completely on me. AGAIN for those going through these type of struggles, self love and care is the utmost priority as it always should be...dont doubt yourselves or let any struggle hinder your well being or make you question your ability to be the warrior we all can be for our own fight and struggles.when the dark envelopes you... remember its was light before the shadow took it place...thank you and thank everyone who respondas. Y'all are a huge HUGE emotoinal support!!🤘👍🏻

[LeslieK in reply to Sod6pnts]

I was absolutely angered and short tempered on PD. And I also put off and cancelled my transplant referrals because I didn’t want any more medical crap to deal with. It took me a little over a year to find a hospital I was comfortable with which wasn’t my usual network of care and I’m so glad I did. I wasn’t feeling the vibes at all either but then it clicked, it happened fast and here I am 3 mths post transplant. It’s a hella ride on dialysis, post transplant lab numbers and healing. I think my Mom’s prayers were answered with helping me maybe more than I wanted to even help myself. You may get there to transplant testing and you may not feel it. Either way it’s okay. It’s a lot to deal with on both ends of the disease. Kidney failure sucks !

[Sod6pnts in reply to LeslieK]

Your absolutely right ...kidney failure is so such a downer and it is hindering in more ways than seen or felt. Anxieties dont help, daily issues aside dont help, struggles from health and effects on relationships dont help, lack of self love and preservation dont help...these are just an example of the challenging roads we as warriors, we have been blessed to become, eventually help us persevere. With navigating, these roads are "roads", and not trail blazing...the roads are there and they're not impossible. Everyone travels these type of roads as we transition to become the people we are. Along the way one should ALWAYS take a chance to" look out the window " it's a beautiful world and the journey is always the reward.... thank you!! Love others and your gifts as you would love yourself.🤘

[Imaanforever]

Hi, I’m

Happy this forum is helpful to you and so many people.

I am also in my early 40s and I have been doing dialysis for a year now. Initially when I started last June, it was overwhelming and I went through different stages of grief. I couldn’t talk about it without shedding endless tears. Then I stumbled upon this platform and read about others going through similar and thriving in their lives. This motivated me to accept and enjoy every moment I have with my children.

I can talk about it now without crying. I do have bad days where I get low mood and don’t feel like seeing anyone but those pass and I keep pushing.

Keep pushing and take each day as it comes. Spend time with your loved ones and enjoy every moment of it. You will be Okay 👍🏾

[Sod6pnts in reply to Imaanforever]

Thank you for your support...you stay up as well...I believe we're chosen in some form to enlighten others as we transition through life and its trials... this helps alot. Again thank you. I hope your dark moments lessen as you grow and work your way through your new journey leading to brighter times for you and yours as well...👍🏻

[bestmom247]

My start date for dialysis was October 26, 2020. So, at nearly 3 years, I still have some of the feelings you mention. But the good news is that I have made friends at my dialysis center and we lean on each other and complain to each other and laugh and cry with each other. During this journey, my husband passed away. I was his caregiver (how ironic), so now I only have me to care for. Strive to get on a transplant list. Before you give up your port, do the research. I still have my port and I take c are of it every day so not to get an infection. I am on two transplant lists. I was rejected by the first transpolant center and encourage to try another and was accepted by the Mayo Clinc and then encourage to try for another and was accepted by Halifax Transplant Center. So, DO NOT take no for the answer. Life seems like it sucks, but think about the alternative. You are young and if I can do it at 70, I know you can do it too. You are not alone. You have us to listen to you concerns, fears, and tears.

[Bassetmommer]

Sod, please look at your chat.... I wrote to you.