This is obviously a good thing, so I'm no way dampening this whole thing.
But weirdly, I've been finding myself looking at my body, a bit more positively lately?
Like, usually I would hate seeing myself in the mirror or in clothes, hated it. But recently - not to sound vain - I've sort of been liking what I'm seeing? Stretch marks & lumps and all.
I know it is a good thing, but it is wierding me out at the moment. The only way I can explain it, is that I am seeing myself, slimmer?? Or just not as horrendous as I usually do. Like I hate my arms, thighs and stomach, I still look and go "ew", but it doesn't bother me?
I went out with my soon to be room mate at the weekend - wore my first pair of jeans in ages and a completely strappy top, and loved it. I didn't at all feel self conscious about the way I looked, I felt I looked slim, despite being my size and weight.
I bought 2 pairs of jeans at the weekend (I actually can't remember the last time I wore a proper pair of jeans) one in my size, an 18 and one in an 8 (this was a mistake). Usually seeing a size 8 in front of me I'd be all depressed and go into a spiral of self hate and ask myself why I'm so fat (fully knowing the reason why of course). This time I was just like "ha, I wouldn't even be able to get a foot in these" and exchanged them this morning - with no shame or guilt. (I did for a moment consider keeping them as a goal (like split second) but my hips are FAAAR too wide to ever be able to fit in to a size 8, besides I have size 16s and 14s for fitting goals anyway)
I don't know, my ultimate goal is to fit in to size 12s - I hope with determination I'll manage that for this time next year! (Pulling my socks up rn)
This is clearly a good thing, I know that and I like it, because I'm just not focussing on what I look like all the time - I still have a slight worry about how other people see me, but that's a psychological issue derived from a sh***y relationship! I'll get over that eventually - But I just feel more relaxed with myself.. It's nice.
Though I do still detest myself in photos haah.
I don't know how long this will last though, my holiday is with my size 10 friend, so the bikini shopping horror is yet to come and the holiday photo horror too! We shall see!!
I hope everyone is beginning to be a little less harsh on themselves and bumping up their positive body attitudes! It feels good to feel like you look good, whether you've lost inches or not!!!