At work and a little bored so thought I would subject you to my head ramblings
I have to admit I love listening to the internal dialogue that goes on in my head, especially now as I am slowly changing my patterns and behaviours to reflect healthy choices.
I am quite happy to sit back in my head and have a little chuckle as I hear the to and fro. Maybe I am a little mad - thats a good thing right?
I have a name for that voice that many of us have, that tells me to eat chocolate and not exercise and gives me a million reasons for this and strips my willpower.
His name is Bert.
Bert started out as a protector with all good intentions but over time he has become the internal voice that has stopped me from losing weight and becoming the person I know I can be.
Today was a great example.
I committed to doing 30 days of at least 30 minutes of exercise every day, rain, hail, sleet or sickness and today was my last day of that commitment. I will of course continue every day but its the 30th day of the contract I made with myself.
At the start there was a lot of excuses from Bert.
"It's cold, I'm tired, do it later, no time, my leg hurts, its hot" or my real favourite "We'll do 60 minutes tomorrow - PROMISE!"
Why of course Bert. And I have a nice bridge I would like to sell you!
I am sure we are all familiar with that little voice that tries its hardest some days to sabotage your efforts.
As I got to about the end of the 3rd week Bert had basically given up trying to stop me exercising and staying on the couch and accepted that I was not going to break my commitment to myself.
Weirdly enough today - the last day of that commitment - Bert was up bright and early and was on fire. I wanted to try out the new trainers I bought yesterday so walking was on my mind.
"You don't start till 4:00 , go for your walk later"
"You have to cook your food for work tonight so do that first"
"Oh look, you have to spend an hour posting and replying on healthunlocked"
"There are the resistance bands, why don't you fiddlearse around with those for awhile"
"I'm tired, lets nap!"
"The garden needs a water"
You get the picture.
I was wearing some skanky old inside-only t-shirt and tracksuit pants and all of a sudden, before I even knew what was happening, the trainers were on and I was walking out the door.
I am sure Bert was expecting to AT LEAST have all that time of me getting changed to talk me out of walking so he was a bit shocked to find himself outside and marching down the driveway!
"Ummm err WHAT? Hang on, stop, I haven't...we have to....you can't..."
But it was too late and I couldn't care less that the people at the bus stop were wondering why that homeless person had such nice new trainers on! lol
I had a little chuckle at the fact that my body had pretty much put one over on Bert and was out the door before it could be stopped.
Maybe that is why the podcast recommended 30 days without a break so your body starts to get in the habit of it even if your brain doesn't.
Well Bert was NOT happy with the situation and was plotting his revenge.
I decided to take a different route and walk up a large hill and then down a bigger hill to the river because I had heard there was a cycle pathway there and wanted to check it out for when I start riding seriously.
About 10 minutes into my walk I hear Bert moaning.
"These trainers are rubbish - way too big - I am sliding around in them"
So I retied the shoelaces (considering the rush I was in to get out the door they were a bit loose)
5 minutes later Bert starts again.
"The sholeaces are strangling your foot. This is ridiculous. Go home, get changed, do this properly"
So I retied the shoelaces, told Bert to shut it and finally got over the top of the hill.
Looked down and realised that this was going to be a hell of a hill to get back up but relished the challenge.
About a third of the way down I really started to see just how steep it was and Bert starts.
"Whoah this is really steep. You have to walk back up this you know"
"Hang on I think these new shoes hurt"
Further down the hill
"Yep your left foot is definitely aching. You have stop. You may not be able to get back up the hill"
Get to the bottom of the hill.
"Well thats just great - look at that hill we have to climb and you with this almost broken foot. Tch tch tch I told you this was a bad..and what about you KNEE - geez what if that starts to play up...well this is a nightmare! "
About a third of the way back up hill impossible I am panting and the voice is at me "See - you'll have to stop. Your foot is almost definitely ruined, you probably have FOOT CANCER!!! you are sweating like a pig, this is a bad idea, what if..."
And finally I just snapped at myself
"You have two choices. Either shut the **** up or help me"
There was some vague whispery "Well I never, how could he talk to me that way, after all Ive..." and that was it.
From there on in it was all positive I-can-do-its and lots of lovely pounding loud music to get me up the hill.
I suspect that's about it for "No Exercise Bert". Sure he'll come and visit and maybe even try again later on but for the moment he is well and truly beaten.
I know there will be the occasional "I don't want to" but the barrage is over and things will be much quieter and more agreeable from here on in.
I still have to shut "Bert Loves Chocolate" up but that's for another day.