Is how I feel about a 6week miscarraige normal?

I'm 34 and had known for 2 weeks that I was pregnant, and was pleased (we'd been trying for 3 years) though with occasional panics along the lines of 'what have we done?!' and 'my life will be totally different, what if I don't like it!'

I had a 6 week scan yesterday, wasn't anticipating problems, but have been told that I'm going to miscarry.

Yesterday I was really emotional, but today although I can't really talk about it without getting upset, I actually feel quite pragmatic. Perhaps part of this is because I'd thought I couldn't get pregnant, so it didn't seem very real even when the blood and urine tests and scans were all confirming pregnancy. The other thing is that the hospital said that most early miscarraiges are due to very bad chromosome problems - so maybe a miscarraige is for the best.

My worry now, is whether it's usual to feel like this - a bit disappointed but basically ok. Because I'm a slightly neurotic person, it makes me worry that I'm not comitted enough to the idea of having a baby.

2 Replies

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  • I think that the 'usual' or 'normal' thing is how you're feeling at any one given moment. Each woman and each pregnancy is different and you will go through a variety of emotions. The most important thing is that you are kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up for feeling anything that you feel - all your emotions are valid as long as they are yours and not somebody elses being put upon you.

  • I could have written this. 32 years old, fell pregnant pretty quickly, but miscarried at 6+5 weeks. I knew I was going to miscarry as I was spotting for 3 days before I had the full miscarriage with terrible cramps and bleeding. I was devasted when the doctors told me I was going to miscarry and found the couple of days waiting for it to actually happen pretty torturous. But on the day it did happened I too felt very pragmatic, and told myself this pregnancy wasn't meant to be. I was a little bit more emotional and tired in the few days after, however, and now, 2 weeks later, I feel sad but mostly angry/frustrated - why did it have to happen, we really wanted this baby, I was so happy (if a little terrified!) to be pregnant etc etc. It effects different people in different ways; I'd say I'm coping pretty well compared to a couple of friends who have miscarried, but expect your emtotions to be all over the place for a wee while - even if it hasn't hit you yet. And don't feel guilty because your response to miscarriage isn't the same as someone elses. It doesn't mean you didn't/don't care or want the baby (I have to remind myself of this sometimes too). I have been thinking of it as a sort of defensive action my brain is sub-consciously taking to stop me crumbling and to allow me to get on with life...

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