My husbands immediate family consists of a younger brother 34, younger sister 24, mother 60, father 63. I never allowed myself to get pregnant because my husband was very controlling, verbally and mentally abusive. When visiting my in laws he mistreated me and they would and they allowed it, they would say racial comments about my race and my husband forbid me from trying to have a good relationship to the point I was not allowed to speak to them unless it was hello or goodbye. In the begining of our marriage he would get really mad, jealous if I spoke to his sister which at the time was an innocent little 8 yr old, and the same with his father. His mom always turned her nose up to me and the younger brother followed. My husband would tell them very vivid lies with such passion to ignite even bigger hatred towards me and the mom instagated. My husband then became physically abusive by throwing and pushing me on glass tables, floors, furniture and walls, in private and in front of his family. Because of all of this, I seperated from him for 3 yrs. I told his parents many times of what he was doing but he always denied it and thier response was thier son would never do something like that. I told them once more before I seperated and they responded the same and said I was controlling and cruel. I told them that it was ok because I would no longer be in his or their lives. After about a yr and a half he asked for me to sit with him and his parents to have a talk he much needed because the seperation affected him mentally and emotionally. He confessed to them the truth about our marriage and asked them to not hate me since he was the monster and not me. The mother became enraged and said I controlled him, brainwashed him, and invented a lie of assaulting her to enrage him and turn me against him. I quickly pointed and proved that she was lieing and both he and his father agreed. It took around two more years to covince me that he had changed and that he would not let his family interfere. We were a happy couple again, so happy that after 18 yrs of marriage I got pregnant. Now the hatred, the controlling, violence is coming directly from the mother and sister and unfortunately my husband is now being controlled and brainwashed and is becoming what he useto be.
I noticed that he and his mom share evil qualities when both have always blamed the father. To be honest the whole family is disfunctional, but, the main source of the verbal and mental abuse is the mom. His sister had a son from a short marriage that ended in divorce that allow the boy to jump on me and purposely kick me in the stomache. If I tell him in a nice way, "Remember Honey, there's a baby in my tummy so we don't want to hurt him so try to be careful." They all were instantly offended and I was told not to correct him because I had no right and was not his mom. The boy did it again my husband laughed picked him up which I thought was to distract and stop him when in fact he was not because I informed him I'm a whisper that he was still kicking me and even harder, my husband gave me and ugly shut up look. I then got up and moved to different seat and area. That made things even worst. On another visit, the boy was playing super heroes and jumped in the air to fall on the target which was my belly, (did I mention that he's 6 yrs old?) I caught him and told him remember that can hurt the baby; his brother and his girlfriend witnessed it but since they don't know the boys history of targeting my belly and the other in the family are aware, they both said they didn't like how I told him to stop and how I caught him when he jumped towards me because he's just a kid. Not only do I feel that I'm not allowed to protect my unborn baby but his parents have already addressed me in front of my husband that I was not under circumstances to dare ask to know my baby's gender. Also that they were to pick the names and decide how the baby was going to be disciplined since they were experienced parents. That was it for me, I told them it wasn't thier place to tell me what to do, that those decisions are made by my husband and I, that they could advise us, emphasis on "us", not just me and we would possibly take it into consideration if worthy. Needless to say when we got home my husband blew up in my face.
The daughter does not work, lives off of goverment assistance, has lived in her parents rental for five years. She let's the son run wild and dares anyone including her parents to discipline him. She threw a fit because the mother openly disagreed on her marrying a lazy man that claims that he's disabled and does not have job. The daughter has decided to stop working because she doesn't like authority and is tired after only working her only job for 2 yrs after her divorce. My husband parents purchased a new car, babysit the baby while she's out with her boyfriend and spending the goverment assistance money on him, they watch the son while she has boyfriend over in the bedroom. And because she needs her privacy, they rented a duplex 8 ft across from them and are paying for it to be furnished and are paying the rent for her and her unemployed boyfriend. And if she wants they will continue to babysit whenever she wants or if she wants the boy can stay in the room he already has with them.
Ok, so why did I bring that up you wonder? Well, my husband was excited and mentioned to them that if our son ever was babysat by them that it would be and easy and great experience because the baby was going to be well behaved. His father became loud and said, "Who told you we would ever babysit your baby? We will not allow you to even leave him here for an hour and take advantage of us! We are old and we are not responsible for a child that you decided to have!" He said all this while picking up his current grandson to sit in his lap to watch TV. My husband was hurt by this and also became angry, he told his father it was merely a hypothetical and he never would need for them to babysit since he and I were extremely hard workers that had lucrative jobs in order to pay for child care and a confortable life for our son. That it would be rare, even a miracle if they ever got to see our son since him and eye were so involved and attentive to our son and his needs. My husband came home and asked me could I believe what his father said although they pay for his sister, her son and her 28 yr old boyfriend living expenses?
All of a sudden he expects me to make sense of thier warped lives and comments. I don't want to be around the family and I under no circumstances do I stop him from visiting and being involved with them. I am afraid of going there to experience his and his families abuse and how they constantly minimize. Im afraid that they will convince my husband to return to his 100% evil former self, I already hate what he already is starting to do. I'm afraid that my unborn child will harmed by the sisters son while in my belly and after he's born. I'm afraid of ever leaving him with the sister, grandparents or brother. If they hate me, and my husband is so blind and controlled to mention anything and if not just a person that's never going to be good to me, what hope or garauntee do I have that they won't treat my child with the same hate they have for me?????
I wrote all of this which I know is a lot, but I just wonder if I'm wrong or if I'm crazy? Should I worry for my son? I'm an adult, I know my limitations and although it's right, I can take certain abuse but that child should never ever subjected to. I can't stop my husband from his family seeing our son if he desires, but if they mistreat him? Or what if they turn him against me?
Again am I wrong? Am I crazy? Should I let these people tell me how to raise and name my child, to the point of demanding me or my husband not to ask the gender of my child? (although my husband insisted on paying for an early scan to find out the gender ) Am I wrong not wanting to visit them since I'm the target of thier evilness? My baby isn't born yet and I already am thinking of a seperation, but is that going to help me or my baby. My husband is aware of my thoughts and objections and when at home usually agrees and is very loving and nice, but then easily gets mad and says that I'm a liar, that I'm the problem, that he doesn't what I'm talking about or even remembers us talking or agreeing on anything.
What's u guys opinion? I'm tired... I'm sure guys are too. All I can say is: Sorry. I don't anything anymore. I'm sorry.