Sleep Training

My little boy is 12 weeks on Tuesday & he doesn't yet fall asleep on his own. I nurse and / or rock him to sleep. If I put him down awake he won't settle at all. He'll whinge & moan for a bit then start crying. I refuse to let him cry himself to sleep, I hate the thought of him feeling abandoned. I'm after some encouragement from anyone who may have been in the same situation. Did your LO learn to fall asleep on their own as time goes by or did you have to enforce sleep training? How old were they when they started to fall asleep alone?

He doesn't sleep for very long at nap time or during the night. 30 mins - 1hr naps & he is still feeding every 2-3 hrs at night (I'm BF). He just loves close contact & being snuggly & warm so often sleeps much better on me or in our bed. I can sometimes resettle him in his moses basket by letting him suck my finger but he refuses a dummy.

I feel like I'm a horrible mum for not teaching him to get to sleep by now and I'm sick of reading about babies who resettle & sleep perfectly from such a young age. I don't want to feel like I'm doing something wrong as I love nursing & cuddling him.

Can anyone reassure me??

15 Replies

  • You are absolutely not doing anything wrong at all. Your baby is still very young and loves cuddles from mummy.....that is a beautiful thing and just because you like the cuddles too does not mean you are encouraging bad behaviour. My boy is now 20 weeks and still does not go to bed at night awake. But he does do better with self settling in the day for naps....not perfect but better. I refuse to be worried about what anyone else does or does not do with their babies and I am going with the flow with my boy James. I'm gona start slow the older he gets and let him learn going to bed is nice and not scary but for now, I'm happy how we are. He falls asleep after his evening bottle and I lay him down asleep. I think at this sort of age, I was laid down the same way (my brother and sister were more independent sleepers than me lol) and yet I apparently caused no issues going into my own room, my own bed and everything else as I got older. Basically if you feel ok about how you do things, go for it. You are not being a horrible mum at all!!!! Do what is right for you and your baby. They learn as they grow as well as what we instill in them x

  • Hi huni

    I totally agree with the 1st reply / comment made by fattyboom.

    You're absolutely not doing nothing wrong & every baby / child is different which means they learn to settle in their own time & at their own pace.

    My Lil one is going to be 13 wks on Tuesday & luckily she was a good settler to begin with especially during the night feeds.

    As time has gone on she has started to sleep less during the day & longer during the evenings but we have started to have wobbly nights due to teething & other tummy upsets.


  • Exactly as Fattyboom says!

    You can only do what you think is right for your child. Everyone is full of 'good' advise but only you (and sometimes your partner) know your childs needs.

    I love to cuddle my girl and if anyone dares to tell me not too ......... !!

    I too am tired of hearing about Jayden crawling at 3 months or Chardonnay sitting unaided at 4 months yadda yadda yadda! Hey, I didn't talk or walk till I was about 2 (yeah I was lazy and my big sister did it all for me lol) but I turned out ok - I'm well educated and have a good job.

    When your baby is ready, that is when they will hit that next milestone. xx

  • ps My girl is a day older than your boy - aren't they soooooo cute at this age :) <3

  • The cutest he's ever been!

  • Please don't feel like a bad mother, you are doing great & your doing exactly what your baby needs. Every baby is different, my little one is 14 weeks & only just getting into a routine & although I put him to bed awake I lay down next to his crib & hold his hand until he falls asleep. I refuse to let him cry it out & I think as long as your happy with what's happening with your baby keep doing what your doing. Every baby is different & it will eventually happen. i know i fet really fed up of other people saying my baby can do this etc your doing great xx

  • My daughter is 16 weeks and goes down asleep and I am the same as you I refuse to leave her to cry for any length of time. Sometimes I don't go to her immediately but leave it for a few minutes as there are times when she will have to wait but I'd feel cruel leaving her.But she is definitely learning to self settle slowly but surely. In the day I sometimes put her down very drowsy but awake and put the radio on static and she goes off by herself. She has also just learned to hold her dummy in by herself whereas before she'd spit it out (well couldn't keep in so fell out). O still see her as very little and it's top much to expecr her to settle herself yet. They have to learn to do this but I'm not going to force it. My girl always slept on me in the early weeks and aa soon as I tried to put her in her moses basket she just woke up and started crying! So I just let her sleep on me which I love aswell and mmakes our bond stronger. And I'm enjoying it while she does want my cuddles as they grow so fast! Don't feel bad because you want to show your child love and affection that's how they feel secure and loved xx

  • My son is 20 weeks and is like fattyboom he will often fall asleep for naps himself but at night I feed him then he falls asleep but I do cuddle him to sleep..I am definitely noticing that the more active he is the more tired he gets but things will settle into their own routine as time goes on xx

  • Thank you everyone, it's nice to hear from other mums! I'm just feeling so low today & it's all to do with sleep. I haven't even been able to get him down for a nap today, he's had about an hour in total all day. He's so tired though & that makes him fussy & he just keeps crying if I put him down but he just won't fall asleep, I don't know why he always tries to fight it. Anyway I'm trying not to worry about it & just try my best to do what's right! Thanks for your comments xx

  • Ah my boy used to not nap in the day at all....10mins here and there that was all. Now it changes. 2 hours, half hour, an hour.....he never naps the same amount in a day and always fights it. Weird little children lol. I keep telling him how amazing sleep is but he doesn't believe me haha x

  • Have you got a sling..I had one and still have it but carrying this chunk around is a bit much but u cud try putting him in one..I used it so cud get dinner done and housework while he slept. .I sometimes take it when do food shop x

  • there are slings that are really comfortable even with a bigger baby-is there a sling library local to you so you could try some out?

  • Hiya. My LO is 11wks 2moro. She's just started to go down on her own.

    She's in the sleeping bag, we dim the lights and lay her on the sofa next to us (so she knows I'm still close by, but I have had a bad back for a while and I just can't hold, carry and rock her to sleep). Once she starts to get drowsy I take her upstairs. I put her in moses, I sit next to her. Shhh her and stroke her head to settle her and i have a glow worm that plays nursery rhymes. I've been doing that for about 1-2 wks and tonight we played the glow worm and she closed her eyes straight away!!!!! Maybe its a fluke but its definitely getting easier to get her off to sleep.

    My friend swears by ewan the dream sheep!

    She's still so young so I don't know if this will stay this good but for now I'm enjoying it!!! :-)

    I think if you can get them to sleep/settle on sofa/bed next to you rather than on you or in baby bouncy chair then that's the first step to them learning to sleep without you. But I'm not keen on controlled crying. If she cries I go to her but if its just a niggle I leave her for a bit.

    I wouldn't force your LO though. Just do what you feel is right. As far as I know there aren't any 15yr olds out there that can't sleep in their own beds and go sleep on their own so I wouldn't worry xxx

  • I did a hypnobirthing course with my first and in that we learnt about the fourth trimester, ie the first three months after birth - look it up on google. Some people need the structure of sleep training their baby from the start but like you I couldn't leave my lo to cry. I probably nursed her to sleep a lot longer than i should have, can't remember exactly how old she was but I'm sure I was still doing it at 6 months. She's 22 months now and settles herself and sleeps through the night unless she's teething or isn't well. You've got to do things your way, I did leave her to cry to sleep, but not until she was much older. They are only tiny for such a short time, treasure it and have lots of cuddles, once they become independently active they don't let you cuddle them as much - you can't spoil a baby, just show them how much you love them!

  • Hi, my little boy is 19 months old and sometimes goes down asleep and sometimes awake, we still co-sleep about 50% of the time and I try to respond to his needs - he cant yet tell me what he needs so crying is his way of saying I need you - even if it is just for a cuddle...he's only going to be little for a short time so I'm getting my cuddles in while I can!

    If you want to look into different going to sleep techniques and dont like the idea of your baby crying you could get hold of a book called 'the no cry sleep solutions' - it has lots of strategies and ideas to help create a calm and peaceful bedtime without tears for anyone involved.

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