Hello ladies! Hope everyone is well! Well little one is nearly a week old now, how time flies!! I'm starting to feel slightly better although did almost get re admitted back into hospital yesterday as blood pressure is still not behaving! I literally begged to stay at home, so now having two visits a day from midwife to check me. I missed my sons birth.. I'm not missing any more days with him!! Slowly starting to recover, downstairs area is very sore but improving each day.. Kind of glad I can't remember delivering him for that part!! Flashbacks are slowly starting to come back, not of any of the nice things though have been offered therapy for it and to try and go back over what happened and understand it, but to be honest I just want to forget about it, it upsets me to think about it! I think it more upsets me the fact I can't remember my son being born, being put on my chest, the fact I don't remember his first day and I was the third person to hold him and the second to feed him ( had to be formula fed as I was out for 24 hours). But all I keep thinking is he is happy and healthy, that's all that matters! I'm not going to lie.. It has put me off having children in the future
My other half has been incredible! I've been made to sit on my bum(which I am not good at doing!!) and he has done everything. I'm very lucky I have had the grandparents round everyday, my mother and father especially, fighting over who gets to hold him! It's hilarious and just beautiful, they just doubt on him!
Nathan is doing fantastic and I have now managed to exclusively breast feed all thanks to nipple shields!! They are incredible and breast feeding has never been easier! So hoping everything will keep improving and I will be back on my feet in no time. I have managed to keep my over bearing cousin at arms length, but they keep phoning to come see him. I've told them I've been through a lot and I'm just not ready yet. So we are inviting everyone round at the weekend to my mums to meet him. Hopefully if she's mixed in with the rest of the family she won't be top overwhelming and by doing it at my mums we can leave any time. I will just have to grit my teeth, hold my partners hand very tightly and get it over and done with!! I have a very large family so there will be a lot of gritting and holding haha!!
I tell you, the hours in being a mum might be tiring, no pay, and demanding, but it's by far the best job I've ever had
Hope your all well lots of love Jessica & Nathan xx