Slow recovery.. Feeling like a very lucky mummy though!

Hello ladies! Hope everyone is well! Well little one is nearly a week old now, how time flies!! I'm starting to feel slightly better although did almost get re admitted back into hospital yesterday as blood pressure is still not behaving! I literally begged to stay at home, so now having two visits a day from midwife to check me. I missed my sons birth.. I'm not missing any more days with him!! Slowly starting to recover, downstairs area is very sore but improving each day.. Kind of glad I can't remember delivering him for that part!! Flashbacks are slowly starting to come back, not of any of the nice things though :( have been offered therapy for it and to try and go back over what happened and understand it, but to be honest I just want to forget about it, it upsets me to think about it! I think it more upsets me the fact I can't remember my son being born, being put on my chest, the fact I don't remember his first day and I was the third person to hold him and the second to feed him ( had to be formula fed as I was out for 24 hours). But all I keep thinking is he is happy and healthy, that's all that matters! I'm not going to lie.. It has put me off having children in the future :(

My other half has been incredible! I've been made to sit on my bum(which I am not good at doing!!) and he has done everything. I'm very lucky :) I have had the grandparents round everyday, my mother and father especially, fighting over who gets to hold him! It's hilarious and just beautiful, they just doubt on him!

Nathan is doing fantastic and I have now managed to exclusively breast feed all thanks to nipple shields!! They are incredible and breast feeding has never been easier! So hoping everything will keep improving and I will be back on my feet in no time. I have managed to keep my over bearing cousin at arms length, but they keep phoning to come see him. I've told them I've been through a lot and I'm just not ready yet. So we are inviting everyone round at the weekend to my mums to meet him. Hopefully if she's mixed in with the rest of the family she won't be top overwhelming and by doing it at my mums we can leave any time. I will just have to grit my teeth, hold my partners hand very tightly and get it over and done with!! I have a very large family so there will be a lot of gritting and holding haha!!

I tell you, the hours in being a mum might be tiring, no pay, and demanding, but it's by far the best job I've ever had ;)

Hope your all well :) lots of love Jessica & Nathan xx

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  • Aww I'm glad everything is looking up for u and will get better. I'm now 37 weeks and contractions are becoming more frequent and intense so I'm hoping my little 1 will be here all this waiting is getting annoying now haha xx

  • Hey well done you!! Normal deliveries are hard to recover from never mind when things go wrong!! I was in a lot of pain when my epidural wore off, after the blood samples they took from the top of my son's head while he was still inside (don't wanna know how they did it) and also forceps and begin cut. I found having a nice warm bath at lest 2x per day helped and also I discovered, if you fold a hand towel into 2/3 put it on the bottom of the bath and sit on that, it's soooooo much more comfortable!! :) every day got better though and all of a sudden I realised it didn't hurt any more!! :) xx

  • Oh bless u...u need to make sure ur ok though and look after urself. .. and u can try and process what happened when u are ready. .. sounds like u need to get back on ur feet first...I had a shocking labour with my 3rd and complained when I was pregnant with my 4th and it was only going thru it with the lady from pals that I cried about it and that was nearly 2 years after and this time I started getting very anxious in the run up to labour and when in the delv room I had to keep explaining to the midwife that I didn't want to go thru that again and they needed to know what I went thru thankfully she was amazing and it was a great labour .. I'm shocked that they let u go thru labour and didn't give u a section! Thank goodness that u both are ok but like I said when ur ready and take it easy. ..I had a normal delv and took me ages to get on my feet but what u have gone thru and with ur blood pressure u don't need to be stressed either tc hope all goes well at ur mums :)

  • So glad your getting better and your little boy is well. I had quite a traumatic birth with my, now 5mnth old, little boy. And was re-admitted also. Speaking from that I really recommend you consider the help they are offering you. I was like u, cried when i spoke about my experience, just wanted to forget. But about 2 mnths realised the awful affects thw birth had on me and went to pals. I hadnt bonded with my little boy properly up till tgen, because when he was born, he got stuck, and i just led there and said 'he has died" he didnt but i dont think my head realised that until 8 weeks later when i actually got to go over what had happened. Really keep the option of help open, xxx

  • Ahh bless u. I cant imagine what u went through and at times must b quite upsetting but ur out the other side and on the way to recovery. It took me 3 weeks too feel normal again so dont rush urself. .take one step at a time.

    Dont dismiss the thought of talking about it as it might help u to recover.

    Yes it is a great job and glad ur able to bf. Look after urselfs xx

  • Well done for staying so positive, ur birth story was quite a read!!! Keep the therapy in mind it could be really helpful, even if you don't start right away. You sound like ur getting on well.... I can't wait to start my new 'job' when my lo arrives too ;p x

  • So glad things are getting better for you. My first birth ended up being a general anaesthetic(can never spell that) C-section and I had huge issues over the way it all went. Like you I tried to concentrate on the fact that having a healthy baby and still being here myself was more important and tried to forget...thing is you never really do. Two yrs later had my second baby...another c-section but I was awake so better. Two years later had my third....another C-section...again horrendous experience I was given too much spinal block so my heart stopped...again missed the birth and first few hours. It was after my third when I developed PND that I received counselling and didn't realise until this point how much I still had huge issues about how awful my first birth had been.

    Reason I am telling you all this is I strongly recommend you accept the help you are being offered....if not immediately just when you are ready but would really say is worth it before you think about another baby(if you ever do). Don't think we ever really forget bad experiences just try and lock them away. I am now pregnant again and am so glad that I face this birth having delt with my other births....feel I am ready for anything lol.

    Good luck with it all xxxxx

  • I didn't quite understand what happened just understood it was a trauma for u and im sorry for that just think your not the only one, me I never felt the need to push so the doctor forced his hands on my stomach and the baby was taken wiyh forceps and taken from me I didn't touch him and after I was being stitched for 1h30 and couldn't sit for one week and going to the toilet or taking a bath was a nightmare.

  • Hey. I'm pleased you and your family are doing well. Missing your baby being born is difficult. I actually felt like I was mourning the birth of my boy if that makes sense as I didn't get to see him, hold him, etc and was out for hours after. I also don't remember his first day fully as I was still out of it. I find whatsapp and stuff helps as I'd messaged people about him so I read back on what I said was happening lol. I was very low for weeks after. I was offered counselling but haven't gone as I'm feeling better about it all now....however I won't rule it out in future as I don't know how I'll be feeling if I get pregnant again as I want more children. Hope everything continues to go well for you and enjoy your baby boy :D x

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