Is there any hope???

My first day of last period was 12/5/13. I had all tests done on 22/7/13 and everything was perfectly fine. I had my first scan done yesterday (4/8/13). We were able to see the baby but not the heart beat. The sonographer tried to do the internal scan as well.. but we couldn't hear the heart beat and confirmed it being delayed miscarriage. The gestational age given is 8w 5d.. They had given me options either to leave it and wait for miscarriage or take a tablet and get admitted after 48hrs or to go with operation. I am really worried.. all my dreams of having a baby is gone.. I am not able to take this at all.. Can anyone help me telling if there is any hope waiting for a week to hear the heart beat or should I have to go ahead for abortion..

26 Replies

  • First of all I am really really sorry for what you are going trough. Secondly I am really surprised that they left you to make this decision without extensive counselling. Your question is really tough. If I were in your position I would want a second confirmatory scan. But if it is a delayed miscarriage you need to be careful not to put your health to risk. Perhaps it would be good to discuss with your GP or hospital what is the risk of waiting for your body to miscarry naturally and whether they could have another look in the meantime. Even if it is the worse case scenario please remember that not all hope is lost for another baby. Many people have gone on to have healthy babies. Also I hope they explained to you that early miscarriages, although terribly upsetting, they are protective in the long term. Nature has protected you from a future problematic situation...

  • Thank you so much for your reply Babymummy. Yes we were also surprised that they didn't give us any counselling or suggested us to have an opinion with the GP. I had an appointment with the EGAS department here and asked them to book another scan for next week.

  • Well done! I am glad you got another appointment. I am really sorry you have to fight with the system during such a difficult time. I can't even begin to imagine how disturbing this is. Best of luck and please never lose hope :-)

  • I went through the same .... They only offer counselling after you have the miscarraige... If they think is necessary! I had my second miscarraige 4 weeks ago and they still haven't offer any support. I am so sorry you are going through this, please wait for another scan! I wish you all my very best! xxx

  • Dear revkari can really feel what you are going through as I am facing a similar dilemma. The doctor has confirmed this is a missed miscarriage and I'm awaiting another scan just to be sure as I have no bleeding.I did discuss the risks with the consultant of waiting so I guess it would be worth speaking to the GP or the hospital...

  • Thank you so much for your reply SSKhan. The same with me here.. I have also booked for a scan next week just to double confirm. Let me know when you are done with your next scan. My best wishes to you.

  • Hi I know what your going through this happened to me in 2010 its not a nice thing to be going through . The sonographer should of let you have a chat with a consultant to go through the options and advised you on which would be best option for you and discuss the risks I'd definitely ring your gp tomorrow and chat with them . I felt like there was no hope for me I waited for my body to return to normal I went away then last year I fell pregnant and nearly 11 weeks ago I gave birth to my son.

  • Thank you so much for your reply mumofone2009. I have booked for a scan next week just to double confirm. Congratulations for becoming a proud mum :)

  • Hey this happened to me last year I miscarriage December at 8 weeks 5 days its a horrible thing to go thru I had the d c I couldn't go thru to pass it through it is up to u what you want to do don't let any1 tell you different but they should tell you all the options before any decisions etc xxxxx

  • Thank you so much for your reply Jaydansmummy. I also had a second opinion with a Obn & Gyn and have booked for a scan next week just to double confirm.

  • Hey no probes hope it goes well for you fingers cross xxxx

  • I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I had a missed miscarriage last year, the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks approx. I didn't have a second scan as they were pretty certain it had stopped developing as by this time I thought I was 10 weeks. I chose to have a D&C.

    As suggested by the other ladies I think it is best to know all the options before you can make a decision - don't be afraid to ask questions, you need to be sure what you want.

    In the long term there is hope...I miscarried in the Feb and then fell pregnant in the Nov and am due in 10 days time.

    Take care and take your time.

  • Thank you so much for your reply 2ndtimelucky. Good to hear that you are due now. You are really "2nd time lucky". I wish you all the very best to have a healthy baby.

  • As everyone else has said, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I hope you have a good support network around you my love x x

    I went through this in April this year and after a scan on the Monday I was given the same options. After speaking to a few friends who had similar experiences I choose to go with the EORPC ( which is just the horribliest name for it). My reasons for doing this were that I couldn't a) just sit and wait for it to happen, b) face the days of heavy bleeding and cramping that goes with a miscarriage, and c) I found the mental pain was challenging enough.

    I went in on the Thursday morning and was home by 1pm, had 3 days of light bleeding and very little discomfort. I was advised to wait a month before trying just so that I could have a period first which I did an then i concieved again in June and am now pregnant again and going in for a scan this Friday (9 weeks) am absolutely dreading it but trying to remain very positive as the chances of it happening twice are so low.

    I hope everything goes okay for you, whatever you choose

  • Thank you so much for your reply Ladn. Keeping my fingers crossed.. I have opted to go for 2nd scan. Lets hope for the best..if not I have to take the pain positively and wait for the second chance.. Good that you are 9 weeks and going to have your scan.. I will keep u in my prayers.. All the best...:)

  • Thank you revkari for your good wishes :).

    Congratulations Ladn for the BFP :).Hope all goes well with the scan , just enjoy this phase by eating well, resting.....don't stress.

  • Dear revkari sadly it dint go well. I have a D&C booked for next week. My best wishes to you and really hope everything goes well.

  • Sorry to hear that SSKhan... don't worry you will be alright soon.... Take care. I am still keeping my fingers crossed.. Lets see..

  • I had sivere stomach ache at 01.00 am yest mrn.. Called 999 and got admitted.. Yes... I had a miscarriage.... Lots n lots of pain..physically n mentally... our first baby is no more.....

  • Hi, I am really very sorry for your loss, I know that physical and emotional pain so so well after having 2 misses miscarriages and on both occasions I did not want medical intervention, I thought if this is how it's meant to be I will do it naturally. My last loss was in September & I was totally devastated. No real support was offered but I found the miscarriage association website very helpful, discussing how, why and how you and your partner can support each other, Dad will be hurting too but in a very different way to you. There are files you can download to read and there is one very good one that I sent onto friends so that they could understand my grief & how to approach me about it as no one really knows what to say unless they have experienced it first hand.

    I still feel very sad that I lost that baby despite being 35 weeks now having conceived again in December, I brought a new hanging angel for our Christmas tree and she takes pride of place at the front of the tree.

    There is also an event called the 'Wave of Light' which simply means on one day of each year everyone who has ever lost a pregnancy or child lights a candle in remembrance.

    Best you can do now hunni is rest, sleep, cry (don't hold back) eat and take your time to grieve. Grief has no time limit and I still cried writing this to offer you some support.

    I hope you find some peace in your heart. Take care Kxx

  • All of ur words are truelly consoling .. Thanks for ur message. I am very happy for u n ur baby.. Let the little angle make ur home more beautiful...

    I was discharged yest night at 9.30pm bt the night duty doctor. I got the D& C done yest at 02.00pm. There were not a single person to tell me wat really happened in the operation. Was is gud or bad... How to over come this pain.. Wat to do or not to do after this.. It was more painfull for me mentally.. My husband is the only person with me throught this stage.. he is affected by this more than me.. He worries a lot about me n my health. I am thinking of gettung an appointment to have further discussion abt how to proceed for the next.... Atleast that joy can replace this sorrow...

  • Hi,

    If you haven't looked into this already here is the link for the MC association

    I found comfort & understanding in the site and if you need to there is a help line that you can call. I also think you'll find info on when to try again, I would say allow yourself to have at least one period, for me I had a great fear of loosing again too soon whilst still grieving, I was truly devastated and when I did concieve again I was very fearful of a repeat experience.

    Did the hospital give you any leaflets to read? I remember getting some now & they were kind to us in the early pregnancy unit, I think when I answered your question I was still blanking out the experience.

    Your husband is probably not knowing what to say of do for the best and although he is not going through the physical pain & grief, he is grieving the loss & trying to support you best he knows how.

    I hope that you are feeling a little better physically after your procedure and like I said, take your time, I had 2 weeks off work & still didn't feel ready to go back & face the world xx

    Message me anytime if you want to chat.

    The wave of light is Oct 15th at 7pm candles are lit in your own time zone all around the work for 1 hour in remembrance xx

  • Thank you so much for the letting me know about this website. This is really helpful for me at this time. I am not going to hurry now... but will take atleast 3-4 months to over come this and be more strong physically and mentally.

    No, the hospital did not give any leaflets or any info about the miscarriage. But Ii have booked an appointment with the GP for tomorrow to know if everything is okay for me.

    My husband supported a lot to me.. he took a weeks off and stayed with me.. he is trying his best to convince me.. Atleast for him.. I have to be normal now.. he doesn't like to see me crying all the time.. so I am trying my best to come out of it....

    Once again thanks for all ur support... you are very kind to me.

  • So many responses to this, and after experiencing it myself at 12 week scan (baby had stopped growing at 11 weeks and there was no heart beat) it doesn't surprise me, it is something that is spoken about only at the time it happens, as it doesn't come up in general chit chat. But my advice is to talk about it, colleagues and friends can be amazingly supportive, and you suddenly realise how many others have been through this heartache, it my doesn't lessen your grief but it's a comfort. I remember thinking my body wasn't up to it after it took 2 and a half years after having our first child to conceive again, to then lose it was very hard to accept, but I am now 18 weeks pregnant (it took 6 months to conceive again), I get worried but mostly I am optimistic that all will be fine this time. You have my sympathy at this time and my hope and best wishes for the future.xx

  • Thank you so much for your response Cowgirl7. Congratulations for your next baby. Take gud care.

    Yes.. you are right. When I told this to my friends.. few of them surprised me by saying they also over came these heartaches.. And now they are very happy with their babies.. I am now thinking of giving my body some time to rest and then plan for the next healthy baby..

  • Dear revkari I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, can completely understand the feeling. Got discharged on Monday evening and resting. This is my second loss, had first one in Dec 2012 and although I underwent a DnC then it's still difficult emotionally as for the second time my baby stopped growing at 8 weeks.The hospital did ask me to get referred for counselling but sadly I don't qualify for any medical investigations as its just my 2nd loss. However the hospital is supportive to see me early in my next pregnancy which is reassuring, i think you should discuss it with your GP.if you want to have a chat let me know....Take rest, eat well and I'm sure in no time you'll have good news again wishesxxx

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