😩Empty nest syndrome is getting ready t... - My MSAA Community

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😩Empty nest syndrome is getting ready to hit home.😕

Fancy1959
Fancy1959CommunityAmbassador

I'm having kind of a sad day as the two sons I still have living at home have just signed a lease on their first duplex. They will be moving out of our house in about 10 days. I dread the total quiet that's going to happen in the house. I love interacting with them and speaking to them every day as they come and go to their jobs. I have loved them and seen them grow and Blossom for over 25 years and how am I supposed to cut ties with him and not be able to have them under my roof anymore? I know they have to grow and I know this is also a new phase of life for them. It shows how much they have grown and mature and I know they are ready to get out on their own but it's so hard to let go!

It's a change in my phase of life and it is not one that usually reverses. I know when I was their age and I first left home it is almost impossible to go back. I understand because once you get used to being able to set your own schedule and your own rules because it's your own home it's just not the same going back to live under your parents roof.

The only positive aspect of this that I can find in myself and believe me I dug deep, is that our grocery bill will be cut by 2/3! Sons in their early twenties eat you out of house and home! Well that's something I guess. Anybody else going through the same phase of life? If you have any coping strategies or ideas I can use to help me transition more peacefully into the empty nest that I'm soon to be living under, please share. 😔😧 Knowing my blue days are just beginning. Send me some advice if you have any ideas to share. Thanks. Fancy1959.

31 Replies
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I'm not going through this but I can imagine. My kids are 14 and 11 right now and I always tell them that no matter what they do in life, my doors are always open. I hope your blues go away. You will always be their mom and they will be visiting you more often then you think. 😊❤🌷

Fancy1959
Fancy1959CommunityAmbassador in reply to RoseySawyer

Rosey, I sure hope they visit more than I think they will. I am certain that first I will see him regularly but as Life Goes On, careers and families are started, we all know how short the 24 hours in the day becomes. But I know I've raised exceptional young men and if I ever need them they will be there if I simply call them. I cannot be prouder of them than I am. And I know is a mother I have to allow them to cut their apron-strings and move into the Adult World themselves. We all did it and now it's their turn. Thanks for your support and well wishes. Fancy.

My youngest daughter turns 25 next Wednesday. She bought her own home, which is a duplex, and moved out July 24th. It is strange not having her come home from work and telling us about her day. The house is cleaner and I’m making a lot less meals. I just keep telling myself that we did things right. The three of them are on their own and doing okay. That’s the end goal right??

Fancy1959
Fancy1959CommunityAmbassador in reply to Juleigh21

Juliet, I keep having to tell myself to that is the end goal. But sometimes it's hard to see it through the tears! I know I will miss them coming and sharing their day with me just like you did your talk. Time seems to go faster the older I get. It seems like just yesterday I had all three of my boys playing on our huge Deck with our Collies, as I cooked dinner, in their little foot powered cars. Where did the years go! Fancy.

I remember that feeling all to well but it was nice, after a while.🤭😞🤔🤗

Fancy1959
Fancy1959CommunityAmbassador in reply to Morllyn

Morillyn, I sure hope you're right. Maybe we just adjust after a while as we watch them raise families and we spoil our grandchildren and send it back to them with a laugh! What you think? Fancy.

Morllyn
Morllyn in reply to Fancy1959

You are probably right, we adjust to them not being around.

I know exactly what you mean. Our house has always been full of life, the eldest son moved out first, then the daughter, then the eldest relationship did not work, so he moved back home. The youngest son then moved out, but then the daughter, husband and two grandsons moved in. A year ago the eldest son bought a house and moved out and now in 4 weeks time, the daughters house will be finished and it will just be my husband, myself, and Razor. Oh the quiet. No more grandsons arguing, BUT, it will be strange, the first time in 33 years, oh so quiet. So Fancy1959 i know exactly what you are going through. Chin up and as Jesmcd2 always says, keep smiling. Blessings Jimeka 🦋 🤗

Fancy1959
Fancy1959CommunityAmbassador in reply to jimeka

Jimeka, thanks for your kind support and I'll try to remember to keep that smile on my face. I wouldn't want it this point you and Jes now would I. Fancy.

I’m dealing with emptier nest syndrome in the next few weeks. My daughter is 2 terms away from getting her bachelors degree in psychology and then she will take some time off to get some work experience before she goes on to graduate school. My son is starting college and will be living in a dorm. They will be living 2 and 1.5 hours respectively away from me so not that far away where they can’t come home on a weekend every now and then. I have been widowed for 6.5 years now and am still trying to get my life back together. Now that process will be kicking into high gear with just me and the dog home alone. How about filling your day with new experiences? Like volunteering somewhere even if it’s cuddling babies at a local NICU or reading books to kids at story time in the library? Maybe even taking a cooking class or being more involved in an MS group? I hope this helps!

Fancy1959
Fancy1959CommunityAmbassador in reply to PunkChic

PunkChic, it's Fancy1959. You provided a lot of very good ideas, thanks for your support! I used to volunteer quite a bit but my disability has become such that it is very difficult for me to do much for others when I have a hard time doing it for myself. On good days I get out and go to the grocery store and run errands and on really bad days I just stay home and relax and take care of myself. I know part of me is just being selfish about wanting my son's to never leave home and I can't do that to them. Part of life is growing and moving on to the next phase and they're ready to move into the adult world. I must let them go and simply adapt and deal with it. I know when my eldest son moved out about 4 years ago I used to go into the barn and spend hours crying my eyes out and sweeping the bar help manually just to give me something to do and to give me away from the rest of the family. Thanks for the input in the many wonderful ideas and the support. Fancy.

PunkChic
PunkChic in reply to Fancy1959

Np That’s what this forum is for - lifting each other up when one of us is down and giving tips and ideas to make our lives a little better among other things. Now if only this app would be more user friendly I myself would comment more often.

carolek572
carolek572CommunityAmbassador

Hey Fancy1959,

I know that it is bittersweet to be in this phase of your life. Just when you have accepted the large grocery bills, you know that you will enjoy the hustle and bustle of their lives at the dinner table, things change! It was so nice, I know.

Now, they may be out of the house, but I'm am sure that they will be close by so that they can visit you, right? My two girls have 'flown the nest' and they are not too far away. One of my daughters has an iPhone, and I see her when we FaceTime. My other daughter lives 2 hours away, in a vacation destination (Cape Cod), so when I visit her, I make it a long weekend. I am still waiting for them to settle down and have grand babies but I think that I might be putting the 'cart before the horse'.

One way to pass the quiet time would be to re-claim all that new found space that you now have in your house. Plan what you want it to become. A guest room? An exercise room? A craft room? A museum for both your son's stuff? A nursery? You decide.

Keep smiling,

Carole :-D

Fancy1959
Fancy1959CommunityAmbassador in reply to carolek572

Carole thanks for your kind words of support. I've already reclaimed one room after my oldest son moved out. I made an exercise room and a physical therapy room out of it in I started using it again as I've been doing better lately. Good gosh I don't want a nursery in any of the rooms because I'm past that stage in life and I really don't plan on ever being a full-time babysitter for any of my grandchildren. Occasional sure but not full time! I'm doing my best to keep smiling and how can I not with great friends like I've got in this chat room! Fancy.

carolek572
carolek572CommunityAmbassador in reply to Fancy1959

Smiling right back at you, Fancy! :-D

Hello Fancy, I’m going through the same thing. I love my kids to death but I knew it was time for them to be on their own. I couldn’t wait for the day and I miss them very much. BUT the quiet, less being spent on utilities and the money saved on food is what keeps a 😊 on my face. I told them that they can always come and visit because they have their house key and they can use it anytime. They’ll always have a home here. I just know they need their privacy and I don’t need to see what they’re doing all the time. I know when I was young and the things I use to do🤫. Just pray you raised them right and they’ll be just fine.

P.S Most times they will be back😕. If not for a short time...

Fancy1959
Fancy1959CommunityAmbassador in reply to Royjr

Royjr, I don't have to worry if I raise them right because I am so proud of my three sons as they are exceptional young men one and all. I know if I need them they'd be here in a heartbeat. It just makes me sad to think about the empty house and the quiet that will overwhelm me as I haven't had truequiet in close to 27 years. My house was always the house Central for my sons and their friends and I remember when they were in there 6 to 10 age range my basement becoming a Nerf war zone. They would build forts down their and the house would be filled with screams of joy and victory! Those were the good old days. It seemed like they were little boys just yesterday and now their men and I'm so proud of them. Where did the time fly? Fancy.

It has been four months since our son moved out. He is our only child 👶 and it’s been so different. Of course the grocery bill went down some,but I still find myself buying extra items for him as I know how hard it is on your own to begin with. We are fortunate that he only lives one mile from us and comes by probably 2-3 times a week. He comes over on Sunday and trims and mows the lawn. Yes, I do 💰 pay him, but he doesn’t ask for me to. Lately he has had some car problems that we have helped him with and let him use my truck to get around. My wife really feels lonely not seeing him every day, but we know it is that time of live. I think we all get along a lot better now 👍. Oh , he now has his first girlfriend, he has always had lots of lady friends, but this is his first real girlfriend ✅😁. He seems so happy 😁 I sure hope things work out for them 🙏. Good luck 🍀🙏🐾. Ken

Fancy1959
Fancy1959CommunityAmbassador in reply to Kenu

Kenu, thank you for your kind words of support. I know I'm not the only one who has gone through this but it sure feels like it when it hits your home. Thank you for sharing your experiences. It helps to read what others have done and to know I'm not alone in this phase in life. Fancy.

Nearly all of mine have flown the coop, and I do not look forward to having the last go. He's still in school and will be setting up a business afterward, so I still have a little time.

One comfort for me is knowing that the other kids are doing well. They contribute to their communities and are hard working. It can be a great time of switching gears to looking forward to grandkids to spoil. Most of my grandkids live 200 miles away, but it's such a joy to visit and keep in contact. Grandkids are like a second wind of raising kids, but less responsibility.

It will get easier over time to adjust. But I can sympathize with you.

Fancy1959
Fancy1959CommunityAmbassador in reply to greaterexp

Greaterexp, you are truly a wise woman as I too am looking forward to being able to spoil my grandchildren to death and then send them back to my son's home! LOL! That is definitely the pot of gold at the end of this somewhat gloomy rainbow but I know overtime it will improve. It is just a hard adjustment to make initially. I've raised such outstanding young men that I'm proud to see them step into the adult world. I know they will do well one and all but is still hard to watch him take that first step into that world. Fancy.

Yep, started going through withdrawls a few years BEFORE I was an empty nester. Seriously.

l love being a mom and I guess part of me thought if they moved out, I would no longer have that daily relationship with them. That was so far from being true!

You can take solice in knowing that you raised two independent boys. As you saId, that is the goal!

The best thing about this is that you raised two sons that are capable of moving out on their own. That is our job, to develop functioning adults to conquer the world. You should be very proud of your accomplishments and enjoy the different way your life will be.

Well done!

CalfeeChick
CalfeeChickCommunityAmbassador

It's been such a long time ago since my nest was emptied. I know one room became my craft room, and the other became an extension of the kitchen as there was never enough room in the kitchen, the closet became a pantry, my desk and an additional china closet are in there. Along with alot of storage that I need to go through. It's been waiting a long time!

I’ve thought a lot about this. My only child is a junior this year and could be gone in less than two years. I’ll only be 42! Worried how I’ll keep busy but things will work out.

My youngest daughter will go to college one year from now and I’ve been thinking about this very topic. My free time is filled with her high school marching band, so that will go away too. I am thinking about what I’ll enjoy doing in my free time next year. Still haven’t come up with a good answer but hopefully I can explore an interest or hobby. I don’t want to just bury myself in my work. I play the flute and am a member of two flute ensembles. My hope is that (next year) I will spend time actually practicing my flute and more regularly attending practices. I believe interests and hobbies that are meaningful make a difference!

My son, the youngest of four, just married and left home. I miss seeing him daily. My grocery bill doesn't! :) I stay pretty busy with work, my husband and our kitties. I also have more time for my hobbies - cross stitching and reading. My benefit of the digital age is that we can text, FaceTime or email as often as we like. It felt very strange in the beginning, but it gets easier. Besides, it's wonderful to watch them take charge of their lives and successfully fly on their own.

Oh, Fancy! I wish I had some helpful advice to help you transition, but I don't. I do know that you are a caring and loving person, and I'm sure raised your sons to be so, as well. So, I'm sure they will recognize your empty feeling and will make every effort to call, visit, text, etc. Hang in there, friend. I'm not going to say it gets easier, but you do find ways to fill that empty nest in other ways.

I was an empty nester for about 3 months then my daughter decided to transfer to a college back home and commute. Those three months were full of tears and trying to adjust. Honestly I think it’s just a matter of time to go through all of the emotions and adjust to a new normal. I know I’m going to be going through the empty nest syndrome again within the next year so I’m already dreading it. I wish I had more words of wisdom but know that I’m here if you need a shoulder to cry on. Hugs to you....

Pat yourself on the back because you've successfully raised 2 healthy, wonderful sons! They are transitioning which is what they're supposed to do. You've done a great job!

I envy you as 1 of my son's (from Russia) has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and if he ever leaves home will probably go to a place where he will always be supervised. He is 21 now and will be with me forever... I want some quiet time, some time to myself. Not going to happen.

This is YOUR time. Do something that involves you with people. A book or craft group. Volunteer, something! You don't have to fight for the remote! Congratulations! Good job!

Oh Fancy, you have my heart.Both kids left two months apart, happy healthy lives.It is very hard even though we are close..and guess what ….they still love and will need you, just in a different way.We raise them to leave and be on their happy own.It is emotion, physical and I asked that my son leave the dirty room I always yiked about...after they were gone I cried with every stinky sock I picked up...They still eat your food!

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