Hey guys I’m new here and a little nervous. I wanted to share one of my stories, in hopes that someone with more experience than myself will comment.
Long story short, I was in a video meeting with my neurologist specialist for a simple check up. Soon after the conversation started my mother(health care employee)started to speak for me because “they are playing with my child’s health”. My mother started asking questions that I wouldn’t have asked and being stern when it was needed; however, a couple days after the video visit I was called by the manager of my specialist saying that I, a criminal justice/psychology major, would have to sign a behavioral contract in order to have my next doctors visit because my MOTHER’S tone of voice was threatening . This is the only specialist in my area, any advice would be greatly appreciated‼️
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Purple12300123
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First I would love to welcome you to our family here. At the MSAA chat room period you are found a wonderful group of people compassionate, kind, and caring period good deal with lots of issues, and we share common experiences in order to help you understand what you're going through. First of all, I hate video conferences with doctors because really don't show the doctor the whole picture. I would definitely refuse to do them if it were me. Some doctors can be very overreactive to people who stand up and ask questions and refuse to be run over. They feel like their professionalism is threatened and they think they know-it-all and how dare we question anything they say. I myself went to one such doctor and let's say I no longer see him. I have never heard of anyone making a patient sign a behavioral contract, but they're coming up with things all the time. I believe it's just a way to give their bark more biteCall the National MS Society in your region. They are a wonderful resource to find really exceptional neurologist In your area. They call the neurologist they recommend their "Partners in Hope." Their phone number is 1 800-fightMS. If there's any neurologist to be found in your area that meets their standards, they will let you know. I hope this helps with your dilemma period I'm glad you found this and I look forward to getting to know you better. The more you talk to us and interact with us the quicker will get to know you. Until we speak again please take care and good luck in your search for a new neurologist. Always remember, together, we are stronger. Fancy59.
I recently had a long stay in hospital and I had some similar problems with nurses who did not understand how distressed and frustrated I was. Medics have to deal with some patients who really are violent and abusive so they tend to be hypersensitive about tone of voice. I've heard stories of patient who hit, spit at and throw things at nurses and healthcare workers. It sounds like you've been the victim of their oversensitivity. It's even possible they were particularly sensitive that day because the last patient was violent or sweary.
My advice, for what it's worth, would be:
- Don't fall out with the specialist over it. It may have been the manager's choice to send the letter not the specialist's anyway.
- have a private laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.
- humour them by signing their silly document - I guess you'd be promising nothing you wouldn't do as a matter of common decency anyway.
- tell your mother. Have a laugh with her, but then ask her to be careful next time she's with you, just in case she's talking to a "snowflake".
- remind your mother that you are her daughter, but you are an adult not a child! Seriously though, It sounds like she's a really useful person to have around to ask the questions you don't think of, but maybe she can be a bit scary if she has a streak of "tiger mother" about her. Maybe she should sign their silly document too.
- send the document back with a sugar-sweet apology - you can even do the ""I'm sorry if you were upset .." type of false apology.
- have another laugh, then forget it.
-whatever you do don't start shouting at them about how dare they call your mother ... etc, that'll just prove their point.
I have very mixed feelings about this. My mother attended an appointment with me when I was 22 (not yet diagnosed) and was a bit outspoken, but my doctor just laughed about it next time I saw her. I also spent 30 years as a switchboard operator, and part of my job was to recognize potential problems through voices. It was a specialized business, so the majority of our calls were repeats, and I learned a lot about human nature. First impressions are not always accurate, and some people are just abrupt or emphatic in their mannerisms. It has nothing to do with anger or violence.
To me, this ranks up there with those situations where schoolkids were being punished during Covid for what was visible in their homes during their online school days. It’s just Big Brother overstepping their boundaries.
I forwarded your post to my mother, who’s a retired RN, and she’s very upset by their reaction. You had every right to have your mother present, of course she’s going to ask difficult questions, and if she thinks you’re being given the run-around or being ignored, then of course she’s going to speak up on your behalf. Sometimes we all need a mother in our corner. Unless she was spewing profanities or threatening physical violence then her behavior should have been accepted as natural for the circumstances.
If this is the only option available in your area, then play along with them, but read all documents carefully before signing them. Make sure they didn’t slip something into the fine print that could come back and bite you. If it was me, I’d tell them to go to h*ll and find another doctor. I don’t like video-conferencing for medical care, but if that’s the route you’re comfortable with right now, would it matter if the new doctor was far away? It seems to me that this current one has no respect for the patients.
Welcome! I think you should look at your relationship with your specialist prior to this incident and decide whether you want to move forward with them. The contract request is likely an attempt to resolve an issue instead of dismissing you as a patient immediately. I have not worked in clinic, so this is my best guess 🤷♀️
You have found a great group of supporters here. I’ve never heard of a behavioral contract. From what you wrote, I’m shocked I haven’t. Some health care providers do not like informed consumers with questions. They really don’t like relatives or friends at appointment doing it. Avoid those doctors. I had to sign papers to have my Mother, an RN, accompany me. We discuss before the appointment the main areas we are concerned about and try to keep it at 3 or less. I live in a rural community. It is worth it to me to travel, even though that’s an event in and of itself, to receive care from a provider I trust with me. We are so blessed to have Mothers that love and support us! 🫧
It's not unusual to have to sign to allow someone (parent or otherwise) to be present, and to hear about health, etc. If you are an adult and someone else does not have guardianship over you, they have to cover their rears. HIPA is very picky and they can get in trouble.
unfortunately this doctor is the only specialist in my are so I really feel stuck. But I really do appreciate the reply and yes this was my first post and I was not expecting a response let alone the support I received within the comments💜
Many doctors don't like being questioned. and react poorly to assertive patients. I suspect this is one. This experience sounds like a good reason to find another. As for me, I wouldn't sign anything. You did nothing wrong. If a document like this goes into your file, it could follow you wherever you go for the foreseeable future, sort of like gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe.
There are a lot of good suggestions above. Another thought I have, if you sign or not, is to make a note at the bottom that You were respectful but it was your mom in the background who was being abrasive. Should you ever have to have another conference like this, I would suggest that you be in a private place where your mom is not present.
Hi!! I’m sorry you’re going through this. I had a neurologist in a physical appointment get an attitude because my husband asked a question. This was before I was diagnosed and the question was asked with desperation. No attitude. That Dr basically dismissed me that day but I would have left after the way he talked to my husband. Funny thing, the very next Dr I saw diagnosed me and the previous Drs office was closed. Hmm maybe I’m not the only one to have an issue??
I agree HIPPA is weird but if you decide to sign anything, I’d definitely read the fine print.
I wish my mom was still here to back me up. She would have been fierce. Maybe it’s better she’s not. 🤷🏻♀️
Good luck with whatever you do!! We’re always here in your corner!! It’s a big corner because we’re all in it together!!
Sadly, there has been several instances of violence towards healthcare workers. There are signs in the building where I work saying assaulting Healthcare workers is a crime. I couldn't believe it was necessary to have to post those but realized there must have been incidents prompting them.You want your mom to advocate for you but need to find a way that can't be construed as threatening.
Thanks for the reply I really appreciate all of them. The only thing that I’m not understanding is that mother is in the healthcare field herself and if she notes something was is incorrect and for her doing so the response is for me to sign behavioral contract. I guess my question in general is are we supposed to be silent when there’s wrong doing in our care?
I don't think any normal health care worker would want their patient to be silent if something was incorrect. I was just pointing out that there unfortunately is a need for behavioral contracts sometimes to try to keep communication respectful and prevent violence. That being said, both sides need to be respectful. I hope the communication has improved since you don't have another option nearby.
I don’t believe you should ever be silent! I never am anyway. I’m a fiery red headed Italian and if something isn’t working the drs know about it. I know not everyone has a doing like me but please, this is YOUR life!!!! We only get one so ……
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My mother told me I’m starting to act like a grandmother 
19 Mar 2023 I guess the world is not designed for people like us
