Sad

[Jackjosh]

I love my husband so much but I'm so stressed and unhappy. I don't talk to no one really about this his attitude and negative behavior is bringing me down too. I don't know what to do

[Turtlepie]

I understand what you mean my boyfriend is the same way and now that his health is declining and he is not taking care of it because of his commitment to taking care of his mom it makes it worse. I am moving to be closer to my daughter and he is not coming with me. I know something like this is not an answer for you. I wish there where some magical words I could say to help you but I don't even know what to do about mine. Try writing it down what you would like to say to him about it all. I strongly suggest that you remember how things use to be how much you love him

[Jackjosh in reply to Turtlepie]

I don't know if love is worth the stress. He don't like my family and were always fighting I'm so depressed

[Turtlepie in reply to Jackjosh]

I'm sorry to hear that. I understand love is not always enough. Stay focused on you and I pray for you and the best outcome that makes you the best that you can be.

[twooldcrows]

i know the feeling ...that is why i find things to do away from him when he is in that mood of being a grump...we can't let them stress us out for not good ...i actually told him yesterday again why i go out and pull weeds or rake the yard or something else dump just to get away from him and his perfectness ...hahahhaha....he drove truck all of our married life and i woked outside of the home for most of it and having two children to look after by myself so we aren't used to being together 24/7 so i know that is lot of our problems for we both had our own worlds and now together and trying to do everything together and wanting to make each other to do it our way ...so we do butt heads on things when trying to work together on some things to get it done ...but we do have to talk it out other wise i get grumpy also and two hard headed persons can both get grumpy and that doesn't get anything done and hurt feelings ...it was so much easier when we both worked ....love him very much but both of us can get too bull headed ....we will be married 50years on Oct ,2..now ya know what is going on ...hahhahahahhahhah...have some talks and lots of patience...love and happiness...this disease is hard on them to and like in my house i would do all kinds of stuff for him for we would only see each other on weekends and on vacation...so we both do have our habits and lots of reason for the way we are ...hahhahahahaha...you know when you first get married you spoil each other and for years and years then we get sick and we don't do or can't do what we use to do and now they have to do some of it or sometimes everything ...so hope you can work around the problems or find a way to fix it if it can't be fixed ....remember the love of when you met and got married...

[Neworleanslady in reply to twooldcrows]

Happy almost anniversary! A BIG one!

[twooldcrows in reply to Neworleanslady]

thank you ....it truly is a miracle for all of the years for we have had our ups and downs but just worked on it through the tough patches which i know others go through also ...but i do truly believe in the vows we took and he does to just that it does hit each other off sometimes...hahahhaha...anyway thank you very much ...love and happiness is what we make it ....

[Jackjosh]

Yes I know I don't want to make him unhappy he literally dose soo much he cooks and dose laundry and drives and is the only one who works cause I'm disabled I try but I feel like I bring him down he'd be happier with out me I think I just don't know what to do I love him

[HarrisC in reply to Jackjosh]

I know exactly how you feel. My wife has a lot on her having to do so much, but I try my best to help with simple things I can. She thinks since I am home all day I should be doing more. I always feel that it is never good enough though.

[hairbrain4]

I've learned a few things these past few weeks about husbands. When there is a lot of negativity from them it can be because they are needing a little nurturing. Focus on them rather than ourselves. You will be surprised how the negativity will disappear & how they will start focusing on you.

[ahrogers]

Counseling might help. I also like advice of hairbrain4 too. I feel better when I can do something for others. Maybe start doing small things you know your husband likes. It may take a while for him to see you are committed to it though. I know when my husband actually does what he is supposed to do around the house I always think to myself "I wonder how long this will last"

If you haven't read the book about the 5 love languages you two could read that to learn what each other needs to feel loved. It sounds like your hubby's might be acts of service if he is doing household chores (that could be his way of showing love) so if you are able to do things for him too he might respond better. Even small things like making his coffee. You probably have a different love language which is why his acts of service don't make you feel loved.

My dominant love language is acts of service which of course doesn't make my hubby happy because his is physical touch and would love it if I did all the chores and he just touched me to show love. We often have to do a different love language for our loved ones than what makes us feel loved.

Hang in there and seek professional help if needed.

[pamgarner]

well,let me start by saying if his attitude is bring down your self esteem,i would say now is the time you'all had a chat.i am sure his behavior wasn't like that when you first got together.has something changed?Is he not well,is it too much for him having you ill? I have discovered marriage or long relationships do change as time passes and it is up to both people to change also if necessary,if you both don't it will create more problems.at one point in my marriage i had to tell him "don't talk like that to me" had to tell him a couple of times and look him in the eye when you say it calmly😋 long reltionships can be a long rocky road,if it ever gets to the end, you will know best to both of you

[Jackjosh]

Thanks guys he can be very hateful and hurtful and I know it's alot with my disabilities I just don't know what to do we barely make ends meet and food is low my kids are so picky and really so am I it's very stressful

[Neworleanslady]

Communication communication communication. But it has to be calm an from both sides. And sometimes agree to disagree. I’m going thru this right now too. I pray for guidance (for myself as well as my husband). God gives me good thoughts. I think the world is just a stressful mess right now and it’s effects are creeping into the nooks and crannies of everyone’s lives.

He needs you to be there for him just like you probably need him too. He just doesn’t know how to show it.

Also if there’s something or someone outside of your relationship that you can help to do something it helps me too. I know a gorl who is also sick, for example, and i call her to see how she’s doing.

[Tina11762]

I have been going the same thing with my husband counseling has been very helpful. We do it individually and as a family. Good luck to you