Since living here in a Senior (55+) apartment building, I have seen such extremes of family involvement. I see some people who have family members over all the time and others who have not seen family members for years. There is a 90 year old man, my neighbor, who has a son and daughter here in town who NEVER check on him. He had not had his finger or toenails trimmed for almost 3 years! You can just imagine. I finally asked him if he would allow me to do it. We are good buddies. He is very proud, but he said yes. I spent 2 hours filing and trimming his inches long fingernails. Then 3 hours on his toes. They were SO bad they had grown sideways and under. YES, he needed a podiatrist, but would not go! So little by little I got the job done. He sobbed in my arms he was so grateful. Moral: you get ONE mom and ONE dad in this life. If you can, cherish them. They are scared, lonely, and hungry for love.
Kelly
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Amore55
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Amore55 You are a great friend. I know that man felt so much better to have his nails trimmed and was beyond thankful to have you as a friend. Keep smiling
I do not know about being a great friend, I just know that I did that same thing for MY dad many times as he went into his 90’s. It is what we should do for the people who gave us life. My dad was an A** when I was a child, but I loved him. He was always my hero. My mom was a saint. This man needs help sobadly and no one else was going to do it.
this is so precious for you to do for this gentleman ....so proud of you...it is true we only have them when then we don't ...we both don't have any of them ...this is so sad ....which don't know the life of all of them so maybe it was bad but ha can't we try to deal with it ...wow ...so glad you became his friend...you are just a angel ....love and happiness...
Amore55 . You never cease to amaze me at the love that keeps pouring out of that heart of yours even after all you’ve gone thru and continue to go thru. That’s why I love you so little sister.
You absolutely did a good thing for him, but what is so disturbing to me is that you had to do it because there was no-one else - and I don't necessarily mean family. It's a bad world in some places where the health and social services systems are so atrocious that any person should end up in such a state, and from what I read there are far too many people in the US who cannot access even the most basic of support services. Unfortunately, even in countries like Australia with mostly reasonable systems there are people who fall through the cracks as well - the story of this woman is just horrifying.
"She had cerebral palsy and was unable to walk, eat or bathe for herself. Despite having a carer at her house every day, police believe she'd been left in the same chair day and night and wasn't even moved to go to the toilet.
When she was rushed to the Royal Adelaide Hospital on April 5, she was malnourished, in septic shock and in need of surgery to remove rotting flesh caused by severe pressure sores. She died the following day."
Sadly I think you probably have far too many similar stories in the US that no-one hears about. Keep an eye on the people who live near you, never say "It's none of my business", and just hope that you never end up in that sort of situation.
You are so right! So many people here say it is not my problem. Well, I beg to differ, it is all our problem! If we do not look out for each other, where is our humanity? It is what separates us from the other creatures of the earth. I have seen animals which are kinder than some humans I know! I mean it.
I was sad to have to do it. It should have been medically performed, I know. But he despises doctors and said he would just die like that before he would let some doctor touch his nails. But since we are good friends, he let me do it. I was grateful I could ease his pain a bit. Thank you for your excellent comment!
I also must say that sometimes I must step back from it all, out of exhaustion. I try to help too many of the residents here and I start to wear myself out. I still have to keep myself healthy.
Wow! Well done, yes you're right, we all need to step up to the plate and do what we can especially in these strange times. Such a shame that his children don't bother with him. I had my own children late in life so I bet ours will be the same. They will realise when we are no longer here. Bless you for doing that great service for someone in need. 😘
you are correct my 90 year old father lives in independent living,what is going on now with the pandemic,they are just now allowing family members in,so they are locked in their apt.,delivered food,they have no social interaction with other residents,I have noticed my fathers dementia is getting worse,me and my sisters do what we can.my older sister lives close and recently took him for a car ride,he was shocked with the masks on people in the "outside"world.he said you see it on the news but......they have closed their dining room ,are in masks all the time if they go out of their room to go outside and have to go through all the screening to get back in,no activity's or entertainment,all of this is so bad
Your story breaks my heart. Unfortunately is is too common a fact. You are a "God send", a great neighbor, and a true friend. People like you bring joy to my heart. Great wishes being sent your way, wish I could hug you.
You are so right. What a good friend you are!! It's amazing how kids put their parents in a home and leave them there till they die without ever visiting them. I don't know how some people can be so ungrateful. Parents spend at a minimum of 18 years of their lives raising a child, and they give up a lot for that child. And what thanks do some of them get? My husband and I didn't have the best of everything as kids but we know our parents did the best they could with what they had to work with to raise us. We have spent the past 20 years taking care of our parents. Mine & his dad are now gone but we still have his mom who is 82. She's not in the best of health but we are there for her whenever she needs anything. People, please take care of your family when you can.
I did all I could for my mom. Her dementia got so bad that we had to put her in a home. I visited often and her mind went pretty fast. She would get verbally abusive to me, she didn't know who I was! (I was "some guy" - my hair is short.) I got to the point where I would go after work when she was napping and just sit by her. Then came Covid and nobody was allowed in until they let us know she was "transitioning". They bent the rules so I could be with her when she died.
Sometimes it's more than hard to visit elderly parents because if their minds are going, their personalities change and it is SO difficult. I have a bit more sympathy for the children. But if their minds are still strong, there is no excuse not to visit.
My dear late dad was starting with vascular dementia before he passed away. He would ring me at all hours looking for my mum who passed away in 2007, it was a horrible time xxxxx ❤️
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