Depression?

[bandicoot1987]

Hi guys, I've posted on here a few times, not recently.

Quick overview, my partner was diagnosed a few years ago. Completely in denial which is completely fine and I understand that completely. I suggested the walk 100K your way for MS which he accepted last week and we have also outed him at the same time as he has been keeping it secret for 6 years.

We've done 25K so far, all is good. I've started a fb group called our ms journey to help him along the way. Mainly to try and interact with friends a bit more as he has all but shut himself off from the world. I've also created an event as people would like to join in with his last 5K, we've got tshirts to wear, we have raised £400 so far, it was all going so well.

Today however I've tried talking to him about a few things that may help him, a few groups I've found etc to help us both as we are obviously in this together and he has just totally shut down, won't talk, gets really sarcastic, just ignores me and walks away.

Sadly this has been a thing now for almost 6 years. We haven't had a relationship at all, he has changed so much. I try to help him in every way that I possibly can but he has just admitted tonight he can't be bothered to make an effort with anything, including me.

I have never given up on him, I have researched all I can, I never usually talk to him about it as I know he'd rather pretend it's not happening so the subject is taboo, but I have alot less friends these days due I guess to his bad attitude, no body else I can talk to.

How can I help someone who doesn't want to be saved 😢 it's heartbreaking to see the man I love falling apart in front of me. X

[Kenu]

Hang in there and stay positive 🤞. You sound like a great care giver🙏😉 Ken 🐾🐾

[greaterexp]

You have shown great devotion and determination. Few people would be willing to stay in that situation. Love is truly sacrificial, but only you can know when to keep going and if or when you need some distance. I’m sorry that you are in this situation. Our hearts all go out to you and your partner, too. I hope you’ll stay in touch.

[jimeka]

I think it’s brilliant how you are standing by him, you obviously love him a lot, but please don’t give up your life for him. Meet up with friends on your own, have interests of your own, you need to keep yourself motivated or else you will be no good for yourself or for your partner. It sounds like he could do with counselling sometimes it helps to talk to a stranger, stay strong, Blessings Jimeka 🤗

[kdali in reply to jimeka]

THIS! 🙌

I have nothing to add.

[Ali_B62]

I feel so sorry, this disease is very difficult to deal with in the mind. It has taken me years to accept I have it, nothing seemed to help until I developed a bit of self awareness. Love always wins, it will take as long as it takes, just like a bereavement. Does your partner feel a little better after walking? It should release some endorphins and it had been my saviour at very low points. I am hoping you manage to get through with your patience and perseverance.🥰

[bandicoot1987 in reply to Ali_B62]

Walking makes his speech worse and he trips over quite alot so not all that enjoyable xx

[Peruzzot in reply to bandicoot1987]

Is he using a walking aid like a cane or walking stick? It sounds like he is getting very fatigued walking. A walking aid can help with that. I use a cane for getting around in offices and stores. My sister in law gave me 2 canes for Christmas last year. Neither look like typical medical canes. One has a rabbit head carving on it and the other has a duck head carving. I get comments on them all the time. I also have a walking stick that I use for hiking. I made that myself. It's just a fallen tree branch that I picked up on one hike and was struggling to get back to where I was parked. I've since decorated it with wood burned critters, sea shells that I've picked up at the various beaches, and parachute cord. My kids call it a wizard's staff. I get a lot of comments on that. I've come across a few hiking clubs and they've all wanted photos of it.

Something like those could help him with fatigue without him admitting he needs them.

[Ali_B62]

Oh dear, I am sorry. It must be very difficult for him. Is there any help you could get for his balance/walking? It might all be caused by severe fatigue and I don't think there is a magic pill you can take for that.

Maybe it is a little too ambitious for him at this point, given his symptoms. Does he have an MS nurse or therapist? Did he previously enjoy walking before diagnosis? I think you probably need more input from his health care team. Are you/is he a member of any support groups? I hope you manage to find someone who can give you advice from a medical point of view. Try and keep your own mental health topped up too. 🙂

[bandicoot1987 in reply to Ali_B62]

I do agree we need more help, he had a new ms nurse at the beginning of this year as the other lady left. We have not been introduced to her, had a letter or call or any contact what so ever so we have no idea of who to get hold of if he needs support.

All we have had is problems with his health care team, he has only seen his neuro twice in 6 years and his scans were 5 years apart.

I am far from happy with his care. We have absolutely no one to contact whatsoever. It's appalling.

I care for him more myself, and am learning as much as I possibly can for ways to help him as I'm literally all he has. I think this is the path I need to be concentrating on. Demanding to speak to someone who can help him professionally.

I hate to say it but our doctors and nurses are a waste of time. He doesn't even have a follow up appointment booked and hasn't seen anyone all year. That's never right surly!! Xx

[mrsmike9 in reply to bandicoot1987]

Any other MS neuro around? If not, call and complain! A lot if need be. Be the squeaky wheel so you can get some "grease". Advocate for him, loudly if need be.

For you, I would say, if he won't go to therapy, you go. A therapist can help you stay okay and may have some ideas about him.

[Ali_B62]

Oh, and don't forget that MS can also be the cause of depression due to the lesions in the Central Nervous System.

[pamgarner]

I am so sorry for your extra stuff,i know you love him but if you could talk him going to a dr and anti depressants,the right one is a huge difference..He doesn't want to talk about it but I wear my ms.loud and proud.I am happy to show anyone that wants to know my battle wounds inside and out(why keep this good stuff to myself?).I think sometimes it is harder for men,men are not as emotionally open as women and they probably used to being the bread winner,maybe things have changed.this disease is life altering,you all are not alone,i thimkabout how much my husbands life has changed since i have ms.it is physically harder for him and at times brings on sadness just watching me trying t do something easy.it is life altering

[Tazmanian]

Try a second opinion I'm sure you can find another doctor my doctor sees me every couple of months, good luck

[Ali_B62]

in the UK, it's really down to the patient to fight for things when in the worst position to do so, I feel. You might be able to get the contact number of the new ms nurse through a call to the hospital neuro department he is under, then make contact and ask for help. Good luck!🥰